The Chit-Chat Club

Radio Record, Volume I, Issue 14, 21 October 1927, Page 3

The Chit-Chat Club—

Points: from Papers Put "Over the Air." .

(Set Down by

Telanother

Pertinent Points On = SHumours of School Life" 2} "Our Extraordinary Empire_ sAdventures in the Arctic."

"1 wish I could go back to schoolboy days once more," said Blinks plaintively. ‘"They’re the best days of your life." "And I wish," said Harrison crisply, "that I could be the teacher. Ah, Blinks, you'd be a better, braver man, if I had wielded a rod upon you for a few years," and to clinch his argument, he made a few expressive gestures with his right arm. "Pooh," said the oldest member disgustedly, "I like the way you always want to go back to school. A nice squawking little devil you were in your Youth, Hargost, Tl bet. You’re always crying for something you can’t have-and if you could get it, you wouldn’t want it." "Home truths and wisdom from the old ’un for once," said Brenton. "He’s quite right, Blinks. It sounds all right to want to go back, but you can have it for me. A fond parent inspecting your ears before you depart in the mornings, and then half a dozen of the best because you spent more time birdnesting the previous evening than learning your homework." . "But you never have such jolly fun after you’ve left school," protested Blinks, still determined to cling to his illusion. , "No, you certainly have a lot of fun," said Thribs, "which reminds me that I heard quite an interesting address over the air recently on ‘Humours of School Life.’ It was given by. Mr. T. R,. Fleming, formerly senior inspector of schools." "Good Lord," said Blinks. "He used to examine me, and didn’t we. sit up and try to make it seem as though we’d swotted all the year, when he came along. I bet he could tell you some good yarns of school life." . "He did," affirmed Thribs. "He interspersed a’ lecture containing many good solid points, with such well told stories, that it was most interesting. One thing he said, and with which I heartily agree, was that no one should take up school-teach-ing merely for the sake of earning a living." "It’s a dog’s life at any time," asserted the oldest member, ‘‘especially," he added, "when you have kids like Blinks must have been." "It would be all right if you were fond of children. The sort of master who is useless is the fellow who has gone into teaching merely because he thinks it’s a soft job. He has no sympathy with the kids then." "You'd get a good deal of fun from some of the humorous answers you get," said Thribs. "A good story of this kind was told of Mr. Tate, Director of Education in Victoria, and a member of the late New Zealand University Commission. Shortly after his appointment as director,*he went into a school where the children sang the Canadian boat song. Anxious to discover whether they understood what the _ song

meant, he asked ‘What were the men who were singing this song?’ One boy immediately replied ‘Rabbit trappers, sir. Mr. Tate couldn’t see how the boy came to give the answer until he asked him to recite the poem. It was rendered: ‘Row, brother, row, the stream runs fast, the rabbits are mear and the daylight past’." "That," interjected Blinks, ‘reminds me of a kid who was in my class at school. She was crying because she couldn’t do the multiplication sum. The teacher went up to her and she wailed: ‘I wish I were a rabbit ‘Why, Katie?’ asked the teacher. ‘Because rabbits multiply so fast,’ was the answer." "Another story that Mr. Fleming told in his address," said Thribs, "was that of a boy in an exam who, when asked to write something about Joseph Chamberlain, said that he was ‘the founder of some tablets, now called Chamberlain’s Tablets.’ Apparently the schoolboy of to-day can size up the Americans pretty well, for in the same exam one candidate, in comparing the ancient Britons of the time of the Roman invasion with the Maoris of 1840, favoured the Britons. He wound up his answer

‘with: ‘Taken all round the ancient Briton resembled the Maori about) as much as the modern Englishman} ? 37 resembles the "The best yarn of the lot though," | -eontinued Thribs, "was one about the | ‘Rev. W. J. Habens, the first Inspec-| ‘tor-General. During a short address | he gave to the inmates of the lunatic asylum at Wellington, he referred to the practice of the women of India of throwing their babies into the Ganges. At the close of the address one of the women approached him and ‘mother did not put you in’. asked him if what he had stated was true. Mr. Habens said it was, ‘Then,’ said the lady, ‘I wonder why your , 9° . "The best address I’ve heard during the last week," said Wishart, who had just joined the circle, "was that on ‘Communications," given from data by the Imperial Affairs Department." "Was it good?" said Blinks surprisedly. "I switched off when it started, because I thought it would be dry." "More fool you then," said Wishart. "It was easily the best they’ve given yet, and showed what a delightfully intangible thing our Empire really is-held together by bonds of affection only." "Nothing intangible about it," growled the oldest member. "Haven't we fought and bled....’" "Who did you bleed?" queried Blinks innocently, stopping the flow. ‘Damme, sir, 1 tell you I fought for the Queen. I was a member of the Armed Constabulary." "Oh yes," said Blinks. "I remember the time you fellows got lost in the bush." By this time the oldest’ member was showing signs of having an apoplectic seizure, so Wishart hastened on with the story. "The Imperial Conference meets every three years, but it has no executive or administrative powers, whatever, and can do no more than make recommendations to the Parliaments concerned. The continuation of the Empire depends in the last resort on the good-will of its component parts. As long as Great Britain and the Dominions are satisfied with their association, so long will the Empire endure." "Nonsense, sir," said the oldest member. "It will endure for ever." "We all hope so, of course," said Wishart, "but who knows? As the address stated, we recognise the advantages which association give us. It is the racial tie that has strengthened the Empire in the past, and the mutual sympathy which one part of the Empire feels for another is the thing that is keeping us together toy: "What's that got to do with communication?" said Blinks. "Everything. Sympathy and understanding can be maintained only when the various parts of the Empire are kept closely in touch with each other. The Empire is a pretty unwieldly concern ‘geographically, ~

tvs component Palls VEIN stavielcrs in all four corners of the globe. If our present day communications had been available, we would probably never have lost America, for-the statesmen in England would have been better able to understand the position of the colony. The introduction of the steamship and the laying of the first electric cable in 1850 provided important advances in our communications." ‘And what is wireless going to do?" said Blinks. "Make idiots of most of us," growled the oldest member, "Oh, it isn’t fair to blame wireless for your little trouble," said Blinks expressively, whereat Wishart hurried along with the story, determined to stop the flow which inevitably followed such a baiting. "Wireless, as the address_stated, is going to make it very much easier for the different parts of the Empire to keep in touch. To-day the Rugby wireless station sends official news of the day’s happenings in England to the furthest Dominions, and we in New Zealand can read it in our papers before it is known in the streets of London."

"A still further advance, as far as the Empire is concerned will be made when it is possible to talk from London to New Zealand in exactly the same way as we now talk in Wellington. Then the airship service, about which we recently heard from Group Captain Fellowes, will aid us, and will mean rapid transit for passengers and valuable’ goods. It will put us in a better position for trading with the Mother Country." "But the cost is excessive," said Thribs. "Our difficulty lies in the excessive freight charges between New Zealand and England." "Tt is just possible that the internal combustion engine may solve this difficulty eventually," said Wishart, "but it is undoubtedly a problem. In addition to the airship service, an aeroplane service is now being proposed, and it is possible that the two, working in combination, will be able to maintain efficient services even to scattered parts of the Empire." "Do you think the Government is alive to the question, and to the importance of the development of these air services?" said Thribs. "Undoubtedly," said Wishart. "Every Dominion Government is interested in this project, for all reatise that anything that is going to make trading with the Old Country more easy, will assist us in keeping the Empire together and making its different parts prosperous." "Yes, it offers possibilities," said Blinks. "If the time taken in travelling from one part of the Empire to another can be shortened, travel ean be indulged in to an extent unknown at present. People from every part of the Empire will know and understand the people of other parts. Individual problems will become general problems; difficulties will be discussed at length and in person and solutions found." "That's true," said Wishart. "Take the last Imperial Conference. The Prime Ministers of New Zealand and Australia had to be absent over five months. In fhe not distant future it will be possible for the Conference

to be called together, and representatives from the most distant parts of the Empire will get to London in a week, and returh home in the same time. The main object in improving communication at the present time is to assist defence, to facilitate inter-Imperial trade, and above all to increase the knowledge and understanding of the British peoples among themselves." "Hm," said Blinks reflectively, ‘it seems there’s some meat in these addresses. I'll see I’m ‘on the air’ for the rest of them, and now Wishie, since you’ve been talking so long, just call them for the crowd." Glasses filled, the members settled down an inch or-two further in the comfortable chairs, expanded still more, and flitted gaily from one subject to another until at length the talk came back to programmes. "Some of the letters you see in the dailies about wireless programmes are absolutely dippy," said Blinks. "It makes you wonder what the editors are like for publishing them. One man wants nothing but jazz, and another nothing but sloppy songs. How the devil does anyone think it possible,to get a programme to satisfy all? I don’t like some of the items, but but I’ve got sufficient sense to know that some of the items I detest will be amusing and pleasing hundreds of listeners-in with different tastes from my own." *T like the lectures myself," said Drexter, who was usually of a fairly serious turn of mind. "And in that respect are different from about 90 per cent. of the lis-teners-in," said Blinks. ‘‘You’ve got to have varied programmes, so that everyone gets something that suits them. It’s pure selfishness to want the whole programme to yourself.’’

"Those Arctic lectures are the orcs for me," said Brenton who, being the great outdoors man, always took a personal interest in anything connected with physical endurance. "Take that last lecture of Lieutenant Gordon Burt. It was great, and it thrilled me to think that those two New Zealanders planted the flag so far north. The polar bear chases must have been exciting, and you couldn’t get anything much more adventurous than their trip through the Arctic ice." "Franz Josef Land must be a wonderful place, especially during the long summer days, when the sun never sets," said Blinks. But how boring not being able to get any darkness in which to go to sleep," said Harrison. "A feather bed and table d’hote are your ideas of Arctic exploration, I suppose," said Brenton acidly. "The Worsley expedition wouldn’t have suited you then, for they had some pretty strenuous times. They —

tried to circumnavigate some of the Franz Josef Islands, but after some days of hard work among the ice floes, came to an absolutely solid wall of ice, and it was there that they planted the New Zealand ensign." "How long did they have without night?" queried Thribs, ‘Several months,’ said Brenton, "and then the days began drawing in for the dreaded six months of winter. They started to make south, towards Green harbour, but had some pretty exciting adventures before they actually got there. For days and nights they never got to bed, and ate their meals under impossible conditions, seizing a tin of sardines, and a few ships’ biscuits and standing in any place where they could jam themselves against a wall. All the fires in the ship were out, and the cold was fearful. Then they would have a few calm days, but would barely get things ship shape before they would encounter another storm." "One of the most exciting incidents of all was when a deck cargo of 50 gallon barrels of oil became loose in a sterm and rolled from side to side of the deck, crashing into everything that got in their way. It was a miracle that some of them weren’t killed, but eventually they got them all lashed down again, after some narrow escapes. Another time the engine room caught on fire, the flames getting perilously near’ the fuel tanks, but after strenuous efforts these were got under control." "A great story," said Blinks. "And a well told one," added Brenton. "If you fellows want a tip, take my advice and open up when he gives his next."