SMILE RAISERS.

New Zealand Tablet, 4 August 1921, Page 46

SMILE RAISERS.

Customer; “Is there any difference between the lamb you serve and the mutton?” Honest Waiter: “That depends, sir ,upon whether the customer knows the difference.” Moses: “Ve give little Ikey two shillings a veek pocketmoney.” . Cohen; “Dat vos a lot of money every veek, Moses.” Moses: “Ah, veil, it pleases ’im. Ve let ’ini put it in the gas-meter - ’e thinks it is a money-box.” Teacher “I have taught you all there is to know about long measure, and I want any boy who is doubtful on any point to question me concerning it.” Pupil: “P-please, sir, how many policemen’s feet does it take to make a Scotland Yard?” \ The mother was sitting on a park seat. Her- small son began an argument with another youth. “Who’re yer punchin’ of?” he demanded, truculently. “Tommy!” said the shocked parent. “Your grammar! You should have said, ‘Of whom are you punching?’ An old woman from a remote country district visiting Edinburgh for the first time, happened to arrive as a party of golfers were hurrying to catch a suburban train for the links. She was much interested, and on heg- return to her native village the minister asked her how she enjoyed herself. “It’s a braw toun,” she said, “but it hurt me sair tae see sae mony decent-like men carrying bags o’ broken umbrellas.”