SMILE-RAISERS.

New Zealand Tablet, 6 March 1919, Page 46

SMILE-RAISERS.

Teacher: “Johnny,' what is a hypocrite?” -Johnny: “A kid wot comes to school with a smile on his face.” - ■■ “My father and I know everything in the world,’* said a small boy to his companion. “All right,” said the latter, “Where’s Asia?” It was a stiff question, but the little fellow answered coolly, “That’s one of the things my father knows.” “What is memory, father?” asked a boy. “Memory, my boy,” answered the father, “is that tired, despairing feeling which starts over you when you listen to a friend’s original stories.” Irate Passenger (who has managed to board, a motor-bus that didn’t stop): “Suppose I’d slipped and lost a leg, what then Conductor (kindly): “You wouldn’t have to do any more jumpin’ then. We always stop for a man with a crutch.” - Mr. Cross: “Carrie, you should not try to sing when you are shaking with chills. Carrie; “I didn’t have chills. I was practising on my tremolo.” “Billy’s going to sue the company for damages.” “Why? Wot did they do to ’im?” “They blew the quittin’ whistle when ’e was carryin’ a ’eavy piece of iron, and ’e dropped it on ’is foot.” “Smell anything, grandmother?” asked the youngster who was lying on the floor drawing. Grandmother assured him she did not. The young artist gave a few finishing touches and repeated his question. Grandmother sniffed the air, and again declared she smelled nothing. “Well,” said the boy, “you ought to. I have just drawed a skunk!” Vicar’s Wife: “I must tell you, Mrs. Wurzle, my son has just won a scholarship and goes to college. The Vicar and I hardly know how to express our delight.” Mrs. Wurzle: “Oh, I quite understands, mum. You must feel like me and my ole man did when our pig took first prize oop at the show.” The vicar was about to give out the banns of a marriage when he discovered he could not find the book. However, he began, groping meanwhile for the lost volume. “I publish the banns of marriage between — between ” , , “Between the cushion and the seat, sir,” whispered the verger, hoarsely, suddenly realising what the vicar was looking for.,