The Storyteller

New Zealand Tablet, 17 June 1915, Page 3

The Storyteller

HER ATONEMENT It was not until Mrs. Bradley, dressing for dinner, discovered the five dollar bill in her jewel that the first intimation of what she had done crept upon her with overwhelming force. ' .;. ■-.'";■ ~. - ;J Neva,' she gasped, turning to the maid, 'what—what did you give that woman who asked for the charity money V '■ " ; " ■"-". ' The bills, madam, that were lying there,' pointing to the table. .

‘ The—roll of bills?’

‘ Yes, madam. You said to get the money that was on your dressing-table and give it to the woman, and as there were only those bills’— * Yes, yes, of course,’ hastily interposed her mistress. I—l— ’ it would not do for even the maid to know of the mistake as yet. ‘ Ihjjd forgotten. Yes, of course. You did quite right. And now you may go, Neva. I’ll ring if I need you.’ ‘ Theroll — of bills ! All that money !’ she cried when she was alone. ‘ How stupid of me to forget that I had left it there. I was so sure that only a five dollar bill was in sight that I felt perfectly safe in sending Neva up for the money. - Rob will ask why I didn’t look at it before it was given, but why should I when I was so sure about it—and how could I when we were playing bridge ! As though one could think of bridge and anything else at the same time!’ & She frowned as she recalled the incident of the afternoon. ‘ I was already disturbed enough at Mrs. Jeffrey’s late arrival—hateful creature that she is, anyhow She either comes here late or then she doesn’t come at all. One never knows which she is going to do. And then coming as she did to-day— as not to secure a more effective entrance in her new —just when we had commenced to play. To be obliged to rearrange the table was sufficiently annoying without that pesky individual, whoever she was, coming just then for that contribution for'the orphan asylum. And men are apt to be so unreasonable,’ she complained to herself, ‘that Rob won’t understand that we had just commenced to play for the second time when the woman came, and that I could not disturb or interrupt the game —it isn’t done. And I’ll have to explain that, believing I had only five dollars on the dressing, table, I had sent Neva up for it, and had told her to give it to the young woman as I was too busy to see her. Indeed, as it was, some of the ladies were impatient enough while Neva announced the woman’s errand. Mrs. Clarke is such a bore, anyhow. She appeared to think I was to blame even for that brief interruption. But oh, what foolish vanity that kept me from stating the amount that was to be given! And I wouldn’t have done such a reckless thing either,’ she cried in remorse,’ if Mrs. Jeffrey had not been here. That woman gets on my nerves. . Little enough, though, does she ever give to any charity!’ She clasped her hands in despair. ‘ What will Rob say ? I cannot ask him for more money and I do so want that bit of tapestry !’ and she rose from the low chair disconsolately. Then as the thought of meeting her husband at the dinner table came to her, she decided quickly. * I have it ! I shall not tell Rob at all. The mischief is done now, and I can’t remedy it. The contribution is already recorded and I can’t ask it back. Rob might not understand the extenuating circumstances as. I think I do so he shall not know.’ And removing all the traces of her recent agitation, she descended to dinner serene of face at least, whatever may have been the state of her mind. A few days later as she entered Mrs. Clarke’s draw-ing-room she was surprised to find that her donation to charity was the subject of discussion. Her blunder then was to pursue her even here. ‘ We are just speaking of you,’ said the Hostess.

f How perfectly dear J of you to give so generously to St. v " Joseph's Orphan Asylum.' y ' *■ .-'-v " * **/'';■'.';. :.' / ■ ' -'.exclaimed another enthusiastic guest,' ' and to think how hopelessly small our contributions look beside it. ; But I just simply can't afford it. Professor Bourget's dancing lessons, you know, are almost prohibitive in price, and I must have several new gowns before -the end of the season, and I want to get' V 'Oh, Marian/ interrupted Mrs. Jeffrey, <■-' you tell that little fiction of your poverty so frequently that after a while you will believe it is true. It is the more amusing when one remembers that your name usually heads the lists of contributors'to our pet charities. Although,' she added, with an almost imperceptible stiffening of manner as she addressed Mrs. Bradley, ' 3 understand, Helen, that you have set a new standard this year. In my own case I usually prefer to distribute the amount among several worthy charities. It seems less noticeable .than when the entire amount is given to one institution. But of course each must follow her own ideas in the matter. You have certainly succeeded in making yourself the most talked about member of the club. Verily,' she laughed, ' yd» have already had your reward.' 'To be discussed was not" my desire, Margaret, nor was I seeking any.special reward,' responded Mrs. Bradley, without a trace of the resentment that was burning within her. ' Neither had I any intention of establishing a precedent even for. myself. The fact that I gave more this year than usual'—■ "' Was just because you are a dear generous soul,' laughed the hostess. ' Or because the appeal was made at the psychological moment,' murmured Mrs. Jeffrey. Mrs. Bradley winced. If they but knew how true the chance g.uess was ! And she had just been on the point of explaining the mistake and renouncing, the unmerited praise of her friends. But not now. Mrs. Jeffrey's remark discouraged such an admission. ' I won't tell the truth now,' she decided. ' The money was mine. I gave it away. It is right that I should get credit for it. Mrs. Jeffrey had not given any yet and will probably have some very good reason to offer as to why she should not.' ' And to think,' Marion Spencer was saying, 'to think that you made so light of it that day. I remember the cool tone in which you directed Neva to get the money. I wish I could dispose of sums of money as unconcernedly as you can. I am afraid I would want everyone right there to know how very generous I was, and to say nice things to me. You must have wonderful self-control, Helen.' Mrs. Bradley could laugh and adroitly change the subject there, but it was not so simple a matter at dinner that evening when her husband said with evident approval : That was a generous thing to do, Helen. St. Joseph's are in special need of funds at present, I understand —some necessary improvements or something-and you do not know how pleased I was to-day and how proud of you when I learned what you had done. Sometimes I have been afraid of these card and dancing clubs, these tea dansants and theatre parties, with this eternal question of dress, would destroy all of those finer qualities that were your best .possession. So many women are becoming such frivolous, irresponsible tures with not a thought beyond pleasure and dress. I am ashamed to remember that I thought you wanted that money for some useless bit of furniture, bric-a-brac, or gowns. It was especially generous of you because as I told you then, that new deal I am trying to put through will take every available dollar I can get for - some time. So it will mean scraping along on your > regular allowance, and you know that never seems to cover any extras. I should think you would have wanted to keep back some of it. It makes me feel ' quite unworthy of you, dear.' 'Don't say that, Rob. It was really your money, you see. And I didn't really'— None of that,' laughed he. ' You can't put the credit on my shoulders. I am only sorry that I cannot replace even a small part of it. But perhaps it is just as well since any help from me would detract

that much from - the: pleasure you derive in having given it.’ ; ■■ " .itf, ■: '; / 13 - Well, she could not tell Rob either. That was clear. His praise was sweet, and after all, she? had given the money. . Yes, she was probably entitled to credit. And so for the remainder of the-evening she felt quite satisfied with herself. She was beginning to long again for the things she would have bought with the money, however, and remorse and chagrin insisted upon disturbing her self-complacency. :It was exasperating, too, that she could not shake off the conviction that she had not been strictly honest in the affair. Would she have explained that afternoon had Mrs. Jeffrey not thwarted her intention by premature assumptions ? Would she have told the truth to her husband had he not introduced the subject by praising her and by refusing to, accept credit for the money She could not answer these satisfactorily, but over and above every other consideration, a voice seemed to be whispering : You are not honest. You really gave but five dollars. You are insincere. You are a Pharisee. There is no merit whatever attached to that gift. You did not give it with a good intention. Are you willing to remain a hypocrite and to receive the thanks of the Sisters and the prayers of the orphans? Can you be satisfied to receive these acknowledgments and benefits under the false pretences?’

She tried to tell herself that she had' too tyrannical a conscience, too strict a sense of honor. And then she realised that it was not so much a question of conscience as one of loyalty to principles that had taken new values since she had been invested in them, by her friends and her husband.

‘ I must,’ she suddenly resolved, * be worthy of all that has been attributed to me by others. I must be worthy of my own self-respect. It need not matter to me how other women would act under similar circumstances. Perhaps they would do better than lam doing. At any rate lam determined to take only the credit that is due me. But/ and she hesitated in sudden alarm, ‘ surely setting it right cannot mean that I am to confess my mistake and the causes that led to it ! Oh, no, that humiliation is not demanded of me. There must be some alternative.’

She sat long, meditating, in her room that night. And finally she found one way one. She must give an equivalent sum anonymously. It would mean deprivations, self-denials, sacrifices these were not pleasant to contemplate. And no one must know—not even Rob. He had placed her on a pedestal. He had not known how unstable it was so she must strengthen and secure its permanency without his knowledge. And Mrs. Jeffrey and others need never know. For a few days perhaps there would be many conjectures as to the donor’s identity, and then the matter would be forgotten. There were many public-spirited citizens who might give and then for personal reasons not want their names known. Yes, it was the safest and most satisfying solution of her disconcerting problem. Cost what it might in personal discomfort, she would at least have voluntarily given the credited donation, and her mind would be at peace. It was several months before the amount was made up, and it was with a sigh of relief and a consciousness of an unpleasant duty well done that the money was sent anonymously to St. Joseph’s Orphan Asylum. Public acknowledgment was made in the newspapers and editorial comment suggested that the donor was faithfully fulfilling the scriptural injunction of not letting the right hand know what the left hand doeth, and adding that the final reward of the benefactor would be the greater because there had been sought no personal recognition. Mrs. Bradley congratulated herself on having so successfully accomplished so difficult a task. She wished, however, that the newspaper had not so emphasised the merit of anonymous giving as it seemed to reflect on the prominence given to her first offering. She admitted, however, in the secrecy of her own thoughts that since she had permitted the situation to disturb her so much, it would have been easier as well

as more honest to have told the truth in the first place. Ahe victory over herself would , have been greater, she could , have lightly accepted the amused, sympathy of friends, . the incident would have been forgotten by this time, and she would have been spared those months of aggressive . and oppressive economy. But it was all settled now And there was just a little vanity in the reflection that she had earned the right to have her name head the list. It was a sort of victory, after all, and it was also a pleasant little triumph over her social rival, Mrs. Jeffreya. triumph she could now fully enjoy So it was with a sense of elation that she dressed tor Mrs Spencer’s reception, and with an unusual degree of self-confidence and self-congratulation that she greeted her hostessbut what was Marion Spencer saying. Surely she had not heard aright ? Mis. Spencer had' not noticed her confusion. And after the first shock, Mrs. Bradley realised the import of what her friend was telling : ‘ And wasn’t it lovely of her to send it in that way ? What vain creatures we were to tack our names on to ours! Indeed, it makes me quite ashamed of myself when I think of what Margaret Jeffrey has done ’ added Marion.

‘Does she—did she—say she sent it?’ asked Mrs. Bradley whose broken tones were attributed to the general surprise tell by everybody present. No, indeed. And that is so splendid a. trait, isu tit I Hut she is coming this way now,’ as Mrs. Jeffrey made her way through chatting groups to where the two women stood. ( I ' vas j us t telling Helen,' explained Mrs. Spencer, ‘what a surprise you gave ns all. To think that all the time that we were discussing our charity funds you never once hinted that you were going to do anything like that. I noticed that your name was not on the list, but I thought you had probably given more to some other cause this winter and so had deserted poor St. Joseph’s.’ As a matter of fact Marion Spencer had thought nothing of the kind, having early decided that Margaret Jeffrey intended to decline all appeals as she so often did urtder the pretence of giving to private charity which must remain unknown. But Marion was now reproaching herself for her rash judgment. ‘Desert poor St. Joseph’s?’ laughed Mrs. Jeffrey easily. ‘I would like to give to all the orphan asylums if I could.’

But’—stammered poor Helen, ‘do I understand that you admit that you are the anonymous donor V ‘ OJi, dear; no,’ exclaimed the jubilant lady, secretly pleased that Helen's honors were being divided, ‘I admit nothing. That would not do, under the circumstances. It is true that my name does not often appear on a list of contributors who give large sums. I have special reasons for that, and then, too, I always believed that ideal alms giving should be done anonymously, but’—-

'Yes, yes,' interrupted Helen, almost irritably, but if you do not admit it, why do they say you gave it ? Surely, you must have'— • ."' My dear Helen, don't look so perplexed about'— 'I confess-I am perplexed,' replied Helen slowly. You say you did not admit it, yet everyone here seems to accept this version of the giver's identity. Do you, then, deny sending it?' 'Deny it?' queried Mrs. Jeffrey with rising color. * Deny it? Why, no. You see, 1 can't very well do that. And isn't it strange that you should be the only one who has thus questioned me? Perhaps because the offerings of the others were smaller, and that it did therefore affect them so much. Is that it?' and ** sire smiled indulgently. ' 'Not at all,' answered Helen. 'I supposed that having been.given anon'— W ' Exactly,' agreed Mrs. Jeffrey. ' You see the Sisters received it. My name was not on their list, and I am afraid that I inadvertently said somethingand—well, really it was only natural I supposel^—l should have knownbutreally, you know, I shouldn't discuss it at all. It isn't just the proper thing to do under the circumstances, is it?' .'" -'-- : . : ..,'■- ;, • 'I am afraid not,' weakly responded Helen.

.• > . .. , _ .vv'--'-",’ • V'- v ■ ■. -r ! ‘W M*. ‘ Isn’t Margaret Jeffrey wonderful, Helen,’ exclaimed Marion a few ■•moments' later, when Mrs Jeffrey had joined another group of admirers. ;- v ‘ To think" how we’ve misjudged her! She is really the most charitable of us all, isn’t she?’ \

‘lt was a generous gift,’ replied the discomfited Mrs. Bradley. ■ . V'"'.. : 4| |; >; | And later Robert Bradley added another pang to his wife’s silent anguish. . • bo you know, Helen,’ he; said that evening, ‘that; lam afraid you have misunderstood Mrs. Jeffrey. It is easy to misjudge. She must be rather good-hearted after all, if she is the anonymous benefactor. Jack Spencer told me on the way home. It is true ?’ Her friends say so, and she does not deny it,’ admitted his wife. What s the matter, dear?’ he inquired with smiling raillery. . •

‘ Nothing.’ ‘ Don’t feel so disturbed about it. She didn’t really give more than you did, you know, only she was shrewd enough to add to its apparent value by not openly giving her name. She seems to have managed to have it made known, though. Trust a woman like Mrs. Jeffrey for that,’ but he modified his last statement almost immediately. - ‘ But perhaps she didn’t give her name at all.’

Perhaps she didn’t give the money, cither,’ retorted Helen.

‘ Oh, Helen, don’t say that! I suppose that Mrs. .1 ellrey feels that she has scored a point, but. what of it? It isn’t like you to withold your approval of good traits even in otherwise undesirable people. And I am sorry that your prejudice against her makes you so unjust. lam a little disappointed.’ There was no reply. ‘ Well, perhaps I don't exactly mean that,’ said he comfortingly, and I would be willing to wager any amount of money if I had it, Helen, that the same Mrs. Jeffrey did not practise any self-denials nor economies in order to contribute to that fund.’

‘I am sure she did not,’ replied Helen emphaticallv.

‘ And 1 imagine there was a chair or a vase or something that you had to do without for a week or two at the time you gave—not your tithe, but your all—wasn’t there?’

‘ Yes,’ and the tone was reminiscent of hidden things. lie could not know how big a price she had paid to have the right to claim the gift as her very own. She had not forfeited that right but the victory seemed less desirable now that she had made it possible for someone else—and that someone else Mrs. Jeffrey to share, undeservedly, the place that was hers alone. Was it a victory even over her own selfish vanity ? And then her husband’s voice broke in upon her thoughts. She had not been listening, so absorbed was she in her own memories, but now he was saying;

' And therefore, while I don't pretend to understand the intricate relationship between meritorious giving and social prestige, it seems to me that you. win, after all. Don't you?' He waited for her answer. ' 1 wish I knew,' came the enigmatic reply.— The Magnificat.