WILLING TO PAY

New Zealand Tablet, 4 January 1912, Page 54

WILLING TO PAY

The morning had been long and the arithmetic lesson particularly severe. Little Tommy Traddles had laboriously worked his way through a tantalising maze of figures till his small head ached, and he now stood before his master with the result of his travail .. vr_ ' Wrong said the "instructor, curtly. 'Return to your desk and do it again/ \: Tommy glanced at the clock. Please, sir,' he asked, ' how much am I out " - Your result is two pence short of the correct total,' was the reply. ' > . '. '. Tommy's hand sought the pocket which contained his most valued possessions. Swiftly he separated two coins from a piece of string, some marbles, a top and a penknife. , ~~ l _ 'Please, I'm in a hurry, sir,' he said, 'if you don't mind I'll pay the difference!' TRIED HARD At a recent trial .at Auburn, Pa., one of the witnesses was a green countryman, unused to the ways of the law, but quick, as it proved, to understand its principles. After a severe cross-examination, the counsel for the government paused then, putting on a look of severity, exclaimed : Mr. Wilkins, has not an effort been made to induce you to tell a different story?' A different story from what I told, sir?' - - ~ f That is what I mean.' \ ,-, ' : ' Yes, sir; several persons have tried to get me to tell a different story from what I have told, but they couldn't.' .'Now,, sir, upon your oath, I wish to know who those persons are.' . * -'• ./ Well, . I guess you've tried 'bout as hard as any of 'em.' . QUITE ANOTHER POINT OF VIEW A young Boston lawyer who is going to be married shortly met another young lawyer who was married last year.- They exchanged felicitations and inquiries. The only thing that bothers me,' explained the about-to-be-happy man, 'is the subject of expense. Of course I'm not plunging into this thing with my eyes shut, but .' 'Now, look here,' interrupted the experienced Benedick, ' I'll tell you an absolute fact. I don't spend half the money I did before I was married:' ' You don't?' exclaimed the other. How do you work that?' 'I don't have it-to spend.' / . ONE ON THE PROFESSOR A real joke was sprung by a student at an American college recently.„ This student suffers from the stigma of obesity it appears that even professors do not love a fat man. After a particularly weak recitation, the professor said : 'Alas, Mr. Blank! You are better fed than taught.' That's right, professor,' sighed the youth, subsiding heavily; 'you teach me I feed myself.' FAMILY FUN Guessing Contest.—There is a clever contest in which our lady readers should excel as the answers are all names of dress materials. \ A long-haired animal in Peru? Alpaca. . ."Aloud noise? Crash.' , . - A symbol of worldly sacrifice? Nun's veiling. A material used by painters? Canvas. ' An amphibious creature? Duck. -• A rising billow ? Storm serge. , The grassy sward? Lawn. ' >- A dwelling and wove? Home spun. ' To spice; and sweeten wine? Mull. : - / ./; 'A -discussed water way? Panama. - ,' .;', „,..; A musical- instrument and a Scotch river-? Organdy.