All Sorts

New Zealand Tablet, 2 September 1909, Page 36

All Sorts

When is a ship like show^P — When she's adrift. The average life of a dog is from ten to twelve years. Shopper : ' Can I-put this paper on my self ?' ' Salesman: ' Yes, but it would look better on the wall.' Guest : ' Hey, waiter, how long will my steak be ?' Waiter : ' The average length is" about four inches, sir/ The woman that maketh a good pudding in silence is better than she who maketh a tart reply. . Little Girl : ' Please, Mr. Keeper, will it hurt the elephant if I give him -a currant out of my bun?' The world is crowded only in' spots. There are still 20,000,000 square miles of the earth's surface that have not been explored. ' What is the meaning of the word " lukewarm " ?' asked the teacher. ' Water is lukewarm when it looks warm and isn't.' Of the 700,000 persons who die in the United Kingdom every year only about 20,000 leave property valued at more than £500. The air breathed daily by a person 341b — about six times as much as the food and drink consumed in the same amount of time. _ ~ . A noble monument to Longfellow was unveiled at the National Capital on May 7. Longfellow is the first American man of letters to receive such an honor. . A lady entered a well-known bank and presented a . crossed cheque to one of the tellers. ' I'-m sorry I cannot pay this across the counter,' he said, politely. ' Oh, shall I come round that side?' replied the lady. ' Robbie,' said the visitor, ' have you any little brothers and sisters?' 'No,' replied wee Robbie; 'I'm aIL the- children we've got.' There are three kinds of people in the world— the wills, the wonts, and the cants. The first accomplish everything; the second oppose everything; the third fail in everything. Corrected. — A. : ' Now, if I understand correctly, the first principle of Socialism is to divide with your brother man.' B. : ' Then you don't understand it correctly. The first principle of Socialism is to make your brother man divide with you.' Little Bernice, aged three, was taken up to the barber shop one day to have her hair trimmed. A few days later her mamma asked her what she saw up at the barber shop, whereupon she answered : ' Oh, mamma, there was a man came in, and another man put icing all over his face.' Irish numismatic rarities of high value were among the lots sold recently in London in the Rashleigh collection _ot coins. The most prized of, the lot was a- gold St. Patrick farthing, which, according to Nelson's ' Coinage of Ireland,' is unique in this metal. On tlie" obverse is shown KingDavid crownedy kneeling to the left, playing upon the harp with thirteen strings, while on the reverse is St. Patrick, mitred, standing, holding ,a patriarchal .cross in his left hand, stretching forth his right hand and driving out the reptiles ; behind is a, church. It was bought for £83. Among the passengers from New York who landed at Queenstown by-the Carmania on June 26 was a little girl of four to whose satchel was attached a label : ' Nellie Mahony, passenger to Queenstowri.' She was consigned, it was stated, by her father to the,care of a passenger, to be landed at Queenstown, where friends would await her. The passenger, however, declined further responsibility on the journey, with the result that the little one, instead of being left friendless, .became the pet of the 'ship. On, arrival she was met by two ladies, who after fondly embracing her conveyed her away rejoicing. * The Cabinet-room in the White House is America's nearest approach to a throne-room.' It is about- the size of a 'clin ing-room in an average country house of the colonial style. It is almost severely simple. The coloring is olive green and white — white woodwork with olive green burlap on the walls. The chairs of the President . and his nine Cabinet Ministers, which surround the long mahogany table in the centre of the room, are covered with green leather. The President's differs from the others only in that the" back is higher. On a small metal plate on the back of each chair is tbe title of the holder and the date of his, accession, but not his name. On ojie_side of the Cabinet table is a fireplace, with a very high mantelpiece over iF; - on the other is a capacious, leather-covered- divan. At one' end of the table are the sliding-doors leading to the President's private office ; at t.he other three large French windows, looking out across the White -House grounds towards Pennsylvania Avenue. There are -leather-covered armchairs in -the corners. The room is practically without decoration. A room more completely symbolizing Republican s:mplicity it would' be difficult to imagine. . - .