All Sorts

New Zealand Tablet, 27 August 1908, Page 38

All Sorts

Papa : ' Yes, my son,- you must always begin at the bottom -to learn anything. 1 Willie: 'How about swimming, pa?' Tenant : ' This" month I shall have to owe you my rent. ' . Landlord : ' That'is what you said last month.' Tenant : ' Well, didn't I keep my word?' Lawyer, (examining witness): 'Do you understand the "difference between .character and reputation?' ■ - Witness : ' Reputation is the name your neighbors give - you ; character is the one they take from you. ' ' ' ' What pleased me most,' said the- man who had been abroad, ' was the wonderful clock at Strasburg.' ' Oh, how I should like to see it!' replied the untravelled youth.- 'And did you see the watch on the- Rhine, too?'; Lady (giving a little advice) : ' And always be careful of your associates. A boy often becomes like what he associates with.* Fishmonger's Boy : 'Go- -on! Why, I've bin With •fish all my life, and can't swim a stroke.' An architect remarked to a lady that he had been to • se« the great nave in the new church. The lady replied :, ' Don't mention names — I know the man to whom you refer ! ' ' As the boat left the dock I waved my handkerchief, and then a, most curious thing happened.' 'What was it?' 'The ocean waved back.' ' Benevolent Lady : ' What has brought you to this destitute condition? 1 Applicant: 'It's my wife, mum.' 'Your wife! How is that?' ' Well, you see, mum, I've got her three .good situations cleaning out offices, and- I'm blessed if she could keep one of them.' Englishmen form the ,vast majority of the 232,154 noncommissioned officers and men on the regimental strength of the British army. This not generally recognised fact is shown t>y the report just issued on the British army for' the year ended September 30, 1907. A table of nationalities is given which shows the following figures: — England, 178,240; Wales, 3588; Scotland, 18,129; Ireland, 22,836; India or colonies, 9014; British subjects in foreign countries, 248 ; foreigners, 25 ; not reported, 74. All through the continent of Africa the natives have a very perfect system of signalling with drums, by which means they rap out messages from village to village, $nd it is quite wonderful how swiftly and how far they are able to spread news. The drumming is always done at night, when sound travels I farther,- and, as one lies awake on a -still, clear 'night, the ear is often gently assailed by the low, musical roll from a drum in the village near, and one waits with pleasant expectancy till the answering echo comes, muffled by distance, from a village sometimes two miles away. The present year will long be remembered as the most prolific strawberry year known in -England; the fruit has so far been picked and marketed under the most propitious conditions, not one wet spell having interfered with the business ; the total output is expected to exceed 50,000 tons, and this, estimated~^at 2d a pound net, represents to growers something like*^_"i, 000,000. The Hampshire strawberry growers say that they have enjoy«d the best -season strawberries for the past twenty years, "the average exceeding two tons an acre. There . are but three mats, of ivory in existence. " The "largest one known measures eight by four feet; and, although "made in the north of India, has a Greek design for a bordsr. It was. used only on state occasions, like the signing of important , State documents by . .the Rajah. The cost of this precious mat was almost incalculable, for .'more than 6400 pounds of pure, ivory were used in its construction. Only, the finest and* most " flexible strips, of the material could, be used, and the mat is like the finest woven fabric. There \Vi 11. never -be another like it'i for: tfie v greed of man is swiftly exterminating the picturesque arid useful elephant. _ '