ODDS AND ENDS

New Zealand Tablet, 20 August 1908, Page 38

ODDS AND ENDS

' I pay as I go,* declared the pompous citizen. 1 Not while I'm running these apartments,' declared the janitor. ' You'll pay as you move in^ ' Is your family doctor of the new or old school ?' ' The newest, I believe.' 1 What is his distinguishing peculiarity?' ' Small doses and big fees.' Giles: 'Let me tell you, young man, that I'm eighty years old to-day, and I don't ever remember having told a lie.* The Young Man : ' Well, you can't expect your memory to be very good at your age.' Guide (at museum) : ' Here you see the waistcoat worn by Lord Nelson at the battle of Trafalgar. The bullet that ended his life went through this hole here.' Nurse (to her charges): ' Do you remember, children, how I have warned you against carelessness? If the hole had been mended at the proper time the bullet could not have gone through it, and he would still be alive.' Husband (arriving with his wife at the station just as the train steams out) : ' There ! If you hadn't taken such a fearful time dressing we shouldn't have lost that train.' Wife : ' And if you hadn't hurried me so -all the way here we shouldn't have such a long time to wait for the next one. 1