The Storyteller THE VACANT LOT

New Zealand Tablet, Volume XXXIV, Issue 2, 11 January 1906, Page 23

The Storyteller THE VACANT LOT

Clanalpin had only one serious drawback to its urbane loveliness. It had a vacant lot. A vacant lat right in the heart of the town. Nature had done lavishly for Clanalpin ere the' name ■ was known or its first shingle had been placed. A panorama of billowy hills had been, set about the spot. A dark sea of undulating forests cinctured it round and stretched away into the mists out of which peered the cones and curves of the mountains. A noble river coiled snake-like, with silver scales, through the woods and meadows above and below, and sent tits surplus waters flying in a 'lacework cascade down a deep ver-dure-edged ravine a little below the plateau on which the first settlers had pitched to perpetuate in civic form the name and fame of Clanalpin. No town between the St. Lawrence and the Rio Grande, in short, had a handsomer location. So Clanalpin grew up and flourished, and was happy as any town could be, save for the one drawback already specified. Its repose was broken and its beauty marred by that ugly blemish— that scar or mole upon its fair countenance, the vacant lot. The time had been when Clanalpin had many other vacant spaces, and then its mind was tranquil. But that period was long ago. When the railway came to the town, every old person remembered, it was settled in a rush. In a few months every piece of land in and about the spot was bought up and built on— all but this one square. It stood, too, in the handsomest part of the town, where the best sort of people had gathered to gether and (Conspired, as it were, to keep it an exclusive, aristocratic place, free from the abomination of stores and the banal blight of the street car and the engine whistle. There it stood like the ancient Anarchy amid the beauty of Eden, a constant source of misery and a reproach to Clanalpin. A blessed haven for travelling tinkers was this vacant lot. In the summer season they came along with their wives and their children, their budgets and their soldering irons, and hammered away with a horrible clangor on damaged kettles and saucepans all day long, and when the peaceful shades of eve descended they yielded themselves up to the gentle pleasures of- Clanalpin whisky and settled marital disputes, in nomad fashion, with the implements of their trade. The collective police force of Clanalpin was usually employed on these festive occasions in maintaining the guarantees of the .American Constitution in regard l to life, liberty, and happiness in and around the vicinity of the vacant lot. Circuses, too, came along in due course, and then the aristocratic denizens about the lot had a glorious time. The masses came in might and majesty to their quarter, and the din of diseased and dinged brass in- * struments and the yelling of the touts and Ijhe uproar of the struggling crowds imparted variety to the scene while the equestrian visitation lasted. Twice, within a decade had the vacant lot been taken possession of by a band of gypsies. Whilst their queens were revealing the secrets of the stars to fair furtive visitors, their male members made some interesting experiments in horse and poultry raising on a non-commercial system. The memory of these things embittered the Clanalpin mind. The dogged owner of the vacant lot was regarded as a sort ol public enemy. A descendant of one of the original Scotch \ settlers, he, Malcolm . Macalpin, had inherited all the religious fervor of his Covenanting ancestry. Two members of the family had sealed their devotion to the principles of the Covenant on the bloody field of Killicrankie with their life tblood. This circumstance" was regajrded as a sort of family possession— a memory to be lived up to until the day of Armageddon. And it was this memory which caused all the trouble in Clanalpin, for this was what perpetuated the vacancy of the disreputable unkempt, and disorderly vacant lot. • The Jesuits hae their een upon that lot, Malcolm,' old Macalpin often said to his son during the illness which preceded his dissolution. ' They will try mony a shift and skirl, mony a tune to get around ye, but haud them a r 'at arm's length and gie no ear i to any offer for the place. Ye hae "plenty to liye on without that,' These injunctions of Malcolm- the elder- were ._. always kept in mind by Malcolm the younger when^the patriarch lay under his brown stone mausoleum, with all his virtues and none of his failings inscribed on it, in the cemetery where all the rude forefathers of Clanalpin ceased; to take snuff.

Still, the whirligig of time softens rigid memories and dulls the edge of acerbity. The growth of business - connections has a liberalising tendency and keeps bigotry, in the background. Malcolm Macalpin was largely in business, for, although fairly wealthy when his fatiheo died, he could not resist the commercial (instincts of his race or lead an idle life. Hence he was soon— mixed up in the chief industrial enterprises of the place, and became in due course a leading personage in all the affairs of Clanalpin. It is the fate of leading men. to be seized upon by men who do not lead, but are content to follow in politics. Malcolm Macalpin did not escape. The fires o£ ambition in him were fanned by those who professed to be skilled in the devious ways of politics. The trouble wtith Mr. Macalpin was that he had no very clear ideas on political matters himself. He never could make Up his mind to join either the Republican or the Democratic camp, and the only thing definite about politics in his mind was a hatred of Populism. This he regarded as only another name for Socialism and Socialism as only another name for diabolism. ' I would rather have a Jesuit than a Populist any day,', he warmly explained once when discussing politics with a legal friend, who was trying to get him to declare himself definitely on one side or the other, with a view to some good electioneering business in the next political campaiign. ' That may be quite right and a first-class principle to act on in politics,' rejoined the friend, ' but it would not be wise ito put it in that way if you intend ever to enter politics. The Roman Catholics are a powerful element in this constituency, you know, and if you want their vote you must take care not to offend their sensibilities by any reference to the Jesuits, or the monks, or persons of that kind, you know. 7 An esteemed and eminently respectable citizen of Clanalpin, who held the important post of city treasurer, was missing from his office one morning. A suit of summer clothes which he had worn the crevious >day, a new straw hat, and a pair of russet shoes were found by the riverside a little outsfde the town, and it was charitably supposed tiiat he had gone in to take a swim and swum farther than he had intended— swam over the river Styx, in fact. But his body was never recovered ; neither was the sum of 25,000 dollars which it was supposed the city of Clanalpin had to its credit in the bank. His loss was deeply felt by the churchgoing community, for he had been a most zealous promoter of every movement for the benefit of, religion and the reclamation of the unregenerate. This event made things hum in Macalpin.* A meeting of indignant citizens was held and a committee of investigation inta everything was at once appointed. It was suddenly discovered that many things, were not as they should be. The absence of a high public spirit amongst the police and the department of street cleaning was' a fact which all at once became painfully apparent. It was suspected that these bodies exercised a sinister influence over all public departments, and that the judges and magistrates were in guilty collusion with the common enemy. Then a cry for reform, loud and deep arose. Mr. Macalpin's friends immediately perceived their opportunity. , A man of rigid and unblemished civic virtue, they felt, was what was wanted, and not' a politician. Mr. Macalpin was just that sort of man. Yielding to the solicitations of his many friends, though not without some unaccountable misgivings Mr' Macalpin allowed himself to be nominated for Congress." He stood unpledged to anything but good government and civic reform. In the interests r of grea^ communities, he declared, all other considerations Were matters of minor import. The Monroe doctrine, protection orfree trade, free silver or monometallism were all mere shibboleths as long as the great municipal system of the country * was rotten at the core. When you have set your own house in order, you may begin to look around you for other fields of progress, he said. The sanitary condition of the Macedonian cities was doubtless piling up doctors' bills all the time Alexander was conquering the whole world and blubbering for more. Were the issue to he now decided a straight and simple one, Mr. Macalpin r s chances of success would have been slender. There was a pretty even musterroll, of Democrats and Republicans in Clanalpin; rwhile the class who belong to neither category were ordinarily small in number. Now, however, their ranks were swelled by large accessions from- fcoth the other camps and the- .whole constituted a third party, priding in the name x>i Reformers. One of the first questions which presented itself to the new party was the need of a town hall. The building which up to this point had been used Jor the purpose was found to be entirely in- _

adequate for the proper transaction of business. Had the necessary facilities existed there, it. was discovered, the hugger-mugger ■ over the city accounts could not have well gone on, and the city might have been richer by 25,000 dollars. Only one site was available for a cuewi town hall in the citjK This was Mr. Macalpin's vacant lot. As great bodies move slowly, no action was deemed necessary in this matter until the committee had drawn up its report. No^doubt was felt that so public-spirited a man as Mr. Macalpin would at once accede to the wishes of the city in so important a matter as this. But promptitude is better than dignified leisureliness in all such cases, as the committee soon found. Whilst they "were, deliberating on their report the oldfashioned frame building which served as the principal Catholic church was burned to the ground. No time was lost by the energetic parish priest, Father Malone, about retrieving the disaster. A meeting of the parishioners was at once convened, and a goodly fund for a new church was there and then subscribed. The old church had stood on a back street. It had long been a cherished dream of Father Malone's to see a fine structure worthy of its divine purpose standing in the best portion of Clanalpin. There was the site ready to hand— Macalpin's vacant lot. Mr. Macalpin was not then in town. He did not think it to be judicious to stay in town in the early stages of the canvass. All the preliminary skirmishing he deemed it good strategy to intrust to his fuglemen.. He • lived in a magnificent mansion in Poughkeepsie. From the style kept up in this establishment he had acquired the popular title of ' the Laird of Poughkeepsie.' Mr. Monteith Maclan, the trusted lawyer of Mr. Macalpin, watched after his client's interests in town, and kept him posted from day to day on all that passed with regard to the canvass. ' You'll have to play a cautious card, laird,' he wrote, ' about that vacant lot. The reform party are after it for a new town hall, and the Papists for a new Mass house. You can't afford to offend either, ye ken ; so you must be diplomatic. The extreme sections of. these two parties, combined with the few utterly indif-« ferent in both the Republican and Democratic camps, who wouldn't leave the house to vote if the day was wet, are what will decide the election.' The Laird of Poughkeepsie wrote back in a couple of days :— ' 'Tis all right about the vacant lot, Monteith. I've settled the confounded thing at last. I have long been negotiating with a big syndicate over the place. A new line of railway to bpen up trade with the West is going, to be laid down, and the vacant lot is wanted for thei depot in Clanalpin. As the- negotiations stand at present, I am not at liberty to disclose the business more specifically, but you might get an item into the "Tomahawk" announcing vaguely that Mr. Macalpin is just now engaged in promoting a vast project calculated to confer enormous benefit on Clanalpin and necessitating the erection of a splendid structure on the vacant lotfT" r You know how to word the announcement so as to make it striking and grand. Do it in .your best style.' With a splendid flourish, strong iin fine adjectives and full of Ciceronian dignity, the ' Tomahawk ' came out with the masterly piece of news. The shot told. Neither Demorest, the Republican candidate, nor Antrobus, the bearer of the Democratic colors, had a single gun to answer this big , howitzer. Practically speaking, they had no armament at all to enter upon the fight. They had no more programme to»unfold than the audacious Disraeli under similar circumstances, content to rely, as he expressed it, upon ' the sublime traditions of an' ancient people.' In a couple of days Mr. Macalpin appeared upon the scene and began the operation of laying regular siege to the electorate. His headquarters soon began to fill. Deputations soon commenced to appear on the scene— deputations from 'prohibitionists, deputations from woman's suffragists, deputations from liquor dealers, deputations from labor leagues, deputations from anti-union employers, deputations representing every antagonistic principle in human society. Amongst the other deputations was one representing the burned-out Catholic congregation. Father , Malone and three of his most influential parishioners came to urge the claim of tMs section of the community to a site for a decent place of worship. ' Nothing would have given me greater pleasure I assure you, Father Malone and you- gentlemen ' answered Mr. Macalpin, with marked unction, ' than to be able to comply with your request. But I am committed irrevocably to other plans for the lot. What these plans exactly are I am not now at liberty to divulge

but I ami free to state they are such as must result in immense benefit to the commercial prosperity of Clanalpin. This and the expression of my regret that it is so completely out of my power to comply with your very reasonable request are all that 1 can- offer in replyHe bowed his deputation out with an exhibition of elegant deportment, and then proceeded to deal with the next one in the same polished way. Every answer that he gave was a masterpiece of skilled evasion, thanks to the excellent coaching of Mr. Monteith Maclan. With the reform deputation, who desired the vacant lot for a new- town hall site, he experienced the greatest amount of trouble. From the candidate of their own selection they had expected compliance with every wish they might express. But they. dissembled their emotions - quite as well as Mr. Macalpin did his, as there was nothing better for them to do just then. But lin politics it is good to be able to smile while you carry a stone up your sleeve. It shows fine art. The campaign went on briskly. Whilst things looked badly for the old-fashioned candidates, they preserved each a cheerfulness of demeanor that was edifying and encouraging. Though they were 'promised but few votes, they individually spoke as men who were quite assured of viictory. C'lanalpin possessed two daily papers normally, but a third one had been temporarily started to meet this emergency. This was the ' Tomahawk.' As no regular printers could be had, the managers were forced to fall back on what tramps they could get. These tramps, for the most part, were of a bacchanalian and easy turn of mind. They usually worked when they wanted money and then revelled until they wanted more. They would have preferred to be paid for revelling if such were tne custom in Clanalpin, but the civilisation in that place was not of that high plane as yet, hence they were compelled to work a little by way of variety. There had not been any friendship between these men and the printers of the ' Sentinel ' and ' Argus ' the respective organs of Republicanism and Democracy until the eve of election. The l Tomahawk ' had. come out with its ' Last word before the battle,' and the wearied tramps, kept for eight hours at work under threat of being shot in their tracks if they moved" swarmed out to drink in the air of liberty and as much liquor #s *was due them on the .score* of lost time. Quite accidentally they fell in with a party of'union hands from the ' Argus ' office. There was to their great surprise, a friendly greeting from these and an invitatlion to go for a sail up the river. But whilst they were enjoying themselves the clever manager of the ' Argus,' who had planned the fraternisation with the Democratic leaders, was busy. AH night long the remainder of his staff were busy printing a ' stop press ' edition (and thousands of large placards and handbills., This v « stop press' and these placards contained the subjoined announcement : ' The city of Clanalpin, one of the most prosperous and progressive centres in the United States, is to have a new music hall on the London pattern. It is to be built immediately on a vacant lot in the best part of the city. Negotiations to that end between the owner of the lot, Mr. Macalpin, and Mr. Harry Beasley one of the most enterprising London managers, have' just been successfully terminated.— London " Era." ' Clanalpin was thrown into a state of wild ferment over this news. Mr. Monteith Maclan rushed down to the office of the ' Argus ' in a state of fury, demanding to know the authority for such an atrocious libel There was nobody there but the office sweeper. Then he darted off to the office of the ' Tomahawk '* with a vfiew to getting out a special edition to contradict the report. The place was a desert. He shouted for the editor, the manager, the foreman— all were not there. He sent out emissaries to scour the town for printers. All were reported to be dead drunk. Then he and many others went wildly about the city endeavoring to undo the mischief. But all thair efforts were in vain. The poison had done its deadly workthe assassins of a spotless reputation had been only too successful. The day was lost to Macalpin Triumphant Democracy, when the sun set, laughed, over the funeral pyre of betrayed reform lin Qflanalpin - When the hurly-burly was done and the tangle came to be unraveled, it was found that it was all owing to a blunder in the telegraph office. The answer to Mr. Harry Beasley's offer for the vacant lot had been put by mistake into the envelope addressed to the agent for the railway company, and the other found its way into the office of the general music hall manager. In course of time the vacant lot came into posession of the railway company, in which one of Father Malone's wealthy parishioners was a large shareholder

Then it was seen that the new railway depot would be much more advantageously located half a mile further from the intended site, and a splendid new church soon sprang up on the vacant lot. This was more than Mr. Macalpin could stand— as a private citizen. As a member of the Legislature he might have endured it— for patriotic reasons, but his defeat at the polls put another complexion on the obligations of a patriotic citizen. He discovered that there was something inimical to American institutions, in the Catholic habit of abstaining from meat on Fridays and in the belief of Purgatory. The climax was reached when a deputation of Clanalpin's most irresistible young ladies waited on him to solicit his patronage and presence at the openfing of a grand bazaar and fancy fair ]or the benefit of the new church during the Christmas week. Then he forgot his election manners and allowed the Clanalpin people to see that the days of Lord Chesterfield were no more. So it happened that while the Christmas bells were ringing in the period of glad tidings for man the bells of Mr. Macalpin's sleigh were jingling to the galloping of a pair ol fast trotters as he fled from the town, not daring to face public opinion there again after his reception of the charitable deputation. Those Christmas chimes had no blessing for him, for their message spoke only to men of good-will. There was mockery in the sound 'of those bells, he thought; they were rejoicing over his discomfiture and flight from Clanalpin. It was a worthless place, he said to himself, and he was very glad that he was not called upon to represent it in Congress. It was, moreover, a priest-ridden town, and he would abandon it to the fate it had brought upon itself. And so the Jesuits carried the day, with the help of the doubtful vote in Clanalpin.—' Catholic Standard and Times.'