' Ye Englishe Tonge.'

New Zealand Tablet, Volume XXX, Issue 18, 1 May 1902, Page 18

' Ye Englishe Tonge.'

In laßt week's issue there was a long list of proper names with very improper pronunciation. Most of them were the names of members of the aristocracy, and they show how badly the education of those in the ' huppah suckles' is neglected. The man who makes pills worth a guinea a barrel has evidently been ' dragged up' better than the noble lord who was formerly Governor of New South Wales, for, while the former always spells his name Beecham, the latter has all his collars marked Beauchamp. But when a man named Chumley is found to spell his name Cholmondeley it is time the matter was looked into. I know a man named Brown who got two years ' hard,' for signing himself Jones on a cheque. And yet J-O-N-E-S spells Brown just aB much as Sc. L-E-G-E-R spells Sillinger, or W-E-M-Y-S-S spells Weema. You have heard of the young lady of this name celebrated in song. The verse ia not remarkable for its sublimity of sentiment, but this is accounted for by the fact that the author belonged to the Kipling school, and that he was only beginning to let his hair grow. There was a young lady named Wemyss, Who was very much troubled with dremyss, If she took pork at night, She'd awake with a fright, And arouse all the house with her scremyss.

* Those poor peoplr who haven't English for a mother.tongue must be for ever regretting the accident by which they were born foreigners. The storekeeper's assistant at White Island is a French, man. When he first came he used to be nearly always late in the mornings. Then he began to come in time. Lately he has been at the store before his employer. Imagine the poor man's tribulation in trying to find out what was meant when his master addressed him as follows : ' You uaed to be behind before ; you've been early of late, and, my word, you're first at last.' The English language is enough to make a man blow out his brains with a bicycle pump— at least the poet sayß so. * If an fci and an I and an O and a U With an X at the end spell SU ; And an E and a V and an E Bpell I Pray what is a speller to do ? Then, if also an S and an I and a Gr And a H.E.D. spell cide, There's nothing left for a speller to do But to go and commit SIOUX-EYE-SIGHED.