HE WAS SURE OF IT.

New Zealand Tablet, Volume IV, Issue 183, 29 September 1876, Page 8

HE WAS SURE OF IT.

(from the diteoit free press.) \ The "bolt on the back door had needed replacing for a long time, \ hut it was only the other night that Mr. Trocton had the presence of mind to buy a new one and take it home. After supper he hunted up his tools, removed the bolt, and measured the location for the new one. He must bore some new holes, and Mrs. Trocton heard him roaming around the kitchen and woolshed, slamming doors, pulling out drawers, and kicking the furniture around. She went to the head of the stairs and called down, " Richard, do you want anything ?" " Tes, IdoI" he yelled out. I want to know where in Texas that corkscrew is ?" " Corkscrew, Richard ?" "Yes, corkscrew, Richard! I've looked the house over and j can't find it." " Why, we never had one, Richard !" i " Didn't, eh ! We've had a dozen of 'em in the list two years, and I bought one not four weeks ago. It's always the way when I . want anything." " But you must be out of your head, husband," she said, as j she descended the stairs. " We've kept house seven years, and I i never remember of seeing you bring a corkscrew in this house." i "Oh yes, I'm out of my head, I am !" he grumbled, as he ! pulled out the sewing-machine drawer and turned over its contents. Perhaps I hed better go to the lunatic asylum right away." " Well, Richard, I know that I have never seen a corkscrew in this house." " Then you are as blind as an owl in daylight, for I've bought five or six ! The house is always upside down, anyhow, and I never can find anything !" " The house is kept as well as any one of your folks can keep one !" she retorted, growing red in the face. " I'd like my mother here to shew you a few things," he said, as he stretched his neck to look on the high shelf in the pantry. " Perhaps she'd boil her spectacles with the potatoes again !" answered the wife. " Do you know who you are talking to ?" he yelled, as he ! jumped down. " Yes, I do !" " Well, you'll be going for York State if you don't look out !" " I'd like to see myself. When Igo this house goes !" ' " Look out, Nancy !" | " I'm afraid of no man .that lives, Richard Trocton !" " I'll leave you !" " And I'll laugh to see you go !" i Going close up to her he extended his finger, shook it to emphasise his words, and slowly said : " Nancy Trocton, I'll apply for i a divorce to-morrow ! I'll tell the judge that I kindly and lovingly | asked you where the gimlet was, and you said we never had one , in the house, which is a bold falsehood, as I can prove." "Gimlet!" she gasped. " Yes, gimlet !" ' " Why, I know where there are three or four. You said corkscrew !" " Did I ? ' he gasped, sitting down on the'eorner of the table, " well, now, I believe I did." "And yovi went and abused me like a slave because I wouldn't say a gimlet was a corkscrew !" she sobbed, falling on the lounge. " Nancy," he said, tenderly lifting her up. " O Richard !" she chokingly answered. " Nancy, I'll go right out doors and kill myself !" " No, you needn't, I love you still ! only, only — you know a gimlet is not a corkscrew !" "It am't — it ain't, Nancy; forgimme and let's be happy !" And that household is so quietly happy that a canary bird would sing his head off if hung up in the hall.