RANDOM NOTES.

New Zealand Tablet, Volume II, Issue 93, 6 February 1875, Page 8

RANDOM NOTES.

" A chiefs «m»ng ye toklo* notes. And faith heel prent "cm." Perkier I know; Pyke, I have heard of; but who is Carrick? I do not mean he erstwhile of the 'Mercury/ but the blatant orator who, in defiance of propriety and the rather loudly-expressed wishes of the Athenaeum meeting, was so anxious to inform the world that he was "an open and avowed Spiritualist." The fact, I dare - say, is a matter of perfect indifference to those not of that ilk; and after the sorry exhibition of Friday evening, the Spiritualists are not to be envied the possession of their apostle. According to Sir Oracle, " the curse of Ireland was that it did not encourage free discussion, and fought over principles rather than argued them." Well, perhaps the charge is not without some truth, and it may be the national faihng to fight for the pleasure, and enquire the cause afterwards ; but, as a son of the unhappy soil, I can never be sufficiently grateful- that Ireland does not encourage "free discussion" after the manner of the Scotch, a la Carrick. Eloquence is a powerful motor, but I question if even the oratory of a Carrick, when graced with accompanying yells and hisses, is an improvement on the Celtic mode of argument. That irate censor has declared that the curse of Ireland has been its willingness to fight for rather than argue, its principles. True, most true; but while not so ttibernically inclined as some of my countrymen, I confess I deem it far more reputable to settle the difference atter the recognised Irish fashion, than indulge in the "free discussion" after the bcotcn style, of which Mr. Carrick claims to be the exponent. No , doubt the favored few upon whose ear fell the dulcet utterances of Friday evening will be sufficiently grateful for the elucidation of the mystery ; but as a pendant to such, for the edification of the orator and his audience, I would mention that, as a matter of fact the curse of Scotland has been a notable deficiency of the combative element so much despised, and a more than sufficiency of patriots of the Carrick stamp. We have it on the authority of that eminent Hibernian, Sir •Boyle Koache, " that no man can be in two places at one time— barring he be a bird ;" and perhaps it is the prevailing desire of the members of the Fourth Estate to execute their professional duties lite a bird, that has caused their peculiar hieroglyphics to be termed the winged art. Accommodating as this übiquity may prove, it sometimes terminates in rather ludicrous results, as in the following instances :— Not long since the Mayor and Aldermen of a certain thriving town had determined to pay a tribute of respect to the memory of a deceased member of the Council, by following his remains to the grave in the official robes of state. The funeral was to have been almost of a public nature, and the programme was, of course, made known to the members of the Press in advance of the proceedings. The son of the honored departed, resident in a distant part ot the country, had been communicated with, and the tuneral only awaited his arrival. However, at the hour appointed f or the starting ;of the melancholy procession, a telegram was received, stating his inability to reach town before next day, and the obsequies were consequently postponed to that time. This, however, was a part of the proceedings which was not communicated to the local journal, and the following morning the public were astonished to read a graphic account of the proceedings most flatterinoto the imagiation of the writer. With minute particularity were the most telling points dilated upon : " How the grand and imposing appearance of the Mayor was only equalled by the evidences of sincere regret on the countenances of the Councillors ; the feelings ot reverential awe which seemed to pervade the minds of the masses assembled to view the procession," &c. ; and nothing was lost sight of that could heighten the effect of the thrilling recital. Need I say that, when the funeral really did take place, the space allotted to its mention was extremely limited. But, to come nearer home. A case of this dual identity occurred a few days since, by which a gentleman was credited with reciting a certain piece at an entertainment with "pathos, feeling, and effect," of which the pathetic gentleman in question and the delighted audience had not the iamtest remembrance. Be that as it may, however, he does not for a moment doubt but that the critic was correct ; for was it not in the papers? and everyone knows that the Press, like the "cards, can t lie. ' ! Th ? re are few who tave not ' at one time or other, smiled over the ludicrous effects of the substitution of one letter for another, such as that by which the "bonny bride" becomes the "boney bride ; but amusing, as they no doubt may be to the mass, to the persons more immediately interested they are scarcely so entertaming, and some allowance should be made for such if they fail to see the point. Such a case was that of the disconsolate husband who, upon the death of his wife, forwarded an advertisement to the Melbourne < Argus,' announcing that "the friends of Mr. Blank were respectfully invited to follow the remains," &c, and found next morning that the careful printer had placed it under the head "Amusements." The writer of this article has a lively recollection of being paid a visit from a burly gentleman, whose profession itself was killing, brought about by circumstances which attorded a deal of amusement to all but the visitor and himself. Ihe facts are these : The visitor was a Bought of the Cleaver, who firmly believed in puffing his wares, which he did in a style sure to attract attention to the cheapness of his mutton. On one occasion I had just received a most glowing advertisement, calling attention to the prices; and, as luck would have it, the same day a notice had been handed in by a squatter on whose run scab had broken out, who, in accordance with the law, published the fact. When the paper appeared in the evening, " Mutton ! Mutton!! Mutton!!!" struck the eye; but as if an ominous ending to the boasted superiority so conspicuously vaunted, there followed— "I hereby give notice that all my sheep are affected with scab." 'Twas a good joke, and nobody relished it more keenly than I, until— next day. The appearance of that

butcher, as he stood before nic, eyeing me with a professional gaze, as if he were eager to commence his daily avocations, wrought a material change in the aspect of the affair, and I thought I had " smole my last smile."' That those lines are being read to-day has been entirely owing to my nationality and the effect of Blarney's spell ; but from that hour I became painfully aware that jokes, no matter how good, fail to please everybody. Poor Dr. Bakewell has come to the front again, and now as ever he has a grievance, and one with which I can heartily sympathise. The worthy medico, in addressing the members of the Athenaeum, hat been saying something very brilliant and witty ; but the stupid reporters did not see it, and gave as sober earnest, what its author in writing to the ' Guardian ' characterises, as his " his poor little joke." Quite right Doctor, and I as one can testify to the wisdom of the explanation being given ; as although I have not yet quite caught tho point, I will give you credit for intention. However, if the public will accept the Doctor's word as to it being a joke, there can be no question as to its poorness.