WRITE WITH ROGET

New Zealand Listener, Volume 37, Issue 954, 22 November 1957, Page 30

WRITE WITH ROGET

by

D.M.

S.

HARE with me my _ remarkable discovery. Simply buy a copy of Roget’s Thesaurus and enter the literary world. The Thesaurus will be of inestimable help to you, whether you are writing a mere obituary, sketch, vignette, monograph or penny dreadful, or something more ambitious like an autobiography, a novel, a saga, or a shilling shocker. You must be in a relaxed mood for the Thesaurus to do its work. So first tranquillise, dulcify, dull, deaden and smother yourself with balm, lullaby and soothing syrup, or, if very tense, with Opiate, anodyne and a wet blanket. A starting point is necessary; I looked up Shakespeare’s Seven Ages of Man in the index, though with a certain female slant. The story might then open with a reflective passage on birth and life, as we take our first somewhat

botanical glimpse at our heroine, yet but a bud, a sprig, a spfout, an olive branch, green and unripe, at the rising of the curtain, as she makes her maiden speech, She grows from a nestling, a suckling, a yearling, through the stages of hobbledehoy and hoyden and unlicked cub, to become a minx, a baggage, and more alluring, a flapper, a damsel. Her education should be dwelt on from créche and kindergarten to school, seminary, lyceum, reformatory and university, At length this female, this she, petticoat or skirt, comes to maturity, to womanhood and to gynaecology (you're a little ahead of me, M. Roget), She falls in love. Her inamorato, her swain, has been a veritable lothario, a ladies’

man, a Don Juan, a squire of dames, a loose fish and rake-hell. However, she no nit-wit, looby, gaby, dunderhead, gowk or jobbernowl, and recognises his basic worth. Soon, responsive to her seductive, captivating, seraphic ways, he becomes ‘uxorious, rapturous, devoted, nay, even motherly. Their marriage is a splendid affair. After the espousals, she is led to the altar, carrying the torch of Hymen. She becomes the wife of his bosom, his soulmate, his better half, his lady, though as the years go by, naught but his old grey mare, his squaw, bitch or vixen, his bedmaker, tweeny or boots. At some stage you must make up your mind whether your characters are U or non-U. For example, U characters will travel on their honeymoon in phaeton, landau, palanquin, limousine, ocean greyhound or floating palace, Non-U characters will have to be content with a pantechnicon, tandem, dogcart, bogie, pontoon, bottom, hermaphrodite barge, catboat, or, ultimate come-down, a bumboat. On their honeymoon, a good time will be had by all, U and non-U alike. Roget will help you paint a picture of delectation, frolics and hedonism, while the palmy days, halcyon, too, pass by in a twinkling, trice, coup, flash of greased lightning. Don’t be scared of occasional clichés -Roget includes them on equal footing with mofe esoteric words and phrases. Though you must decide whether your work is to be beamed at the readers of the women’s magazines or the aesthetes. But all their way is not smooth. Scarcely is their honeymoon past, when the hand of the army department falls heavily on his shoulder, and off he goes to the wars. A strong scene here as he dons his mask, gauntlet, apron, thimble, carapace, buckler, breastplate, vizor, hauberk and heaume, No, darn it, this won’t do, perhaps section 726 is better. Let our swashbuckling fire-eater go as a doughboy, sharpshooter, cannon-fodder (bully-) beefeater, sapper or coolie, bearing his sword, howitzer, tommy-gun, pom-pom, blow-pipe, knuckle-duster and bazooka. He returns from the wars safe and sound, with a clean bill of health and pretty bobbish. They settled down to a life of tranquillity and anticyclone with their many offspring. You could hardly take a step without finding a sleeping infant in basket, bassinette, cradle or cuspidor. Culture and cuisine alike steer a course for perfection. Since the family are neither illiterates, numskulls, greenhorns, nor wooden spoons, but bookworms, scholars and wranglers all, their conversation, witty, attic, salty and ben trovato, ranges through world affairs and the arts, from choreography to canasta, from truth to Tomarchin and tittletattle and tatting. And fragrance fills the air as comestibles, grub, prog, tack, pottage, skilly, fodder, fritters, rechauffé and ragout, bouillabaisse and bubble and squeak, collops and kickshaws, for a snack or a good blow-out, are prepared, roasted, cauterised, chafed, charred or occasionally reduced to ashes on the stove, furnace, footwarmer, hypocaust or haybox. The story may draw to a close as, past the grand climacteric, decrepitude and hoary ag are sweetened with superannuation. There now, I’ve shown you the way. Roget will not fail you if you are at a loss for word, phrase or plot. I can only hope your success will be as conspicuous as mine.