DINNER FOR TWO

New Zealand Listener, Volume 19, Issue 489, 5 November 1948, Page 16

DINNER FOR TWO

| Written for "The Listener’ |

by

DOROTHY

FREED

HAT = shall we have for dinner to-day, darling? I want to cook something you'd really like, specially for you. I don’t know, dear. You know I like anything you cook. But I want you to tell me something you like. I really can’t think of anything. Heavens, you men are so unimaginative. Can’t you think of anything? Well, you suggest something. That’s simply not the

same. Well, if I must, -what about grilled steak? Yes, grilled steak would be very nice. But to-day’s Tuesday and the butcher gets his meat in on Tuesdays. That means it wouldn’t be properly hung, and if it’s not properly hung it’s always tough. No, it can’t be grilled steak today. Well, never mind, we'll have something else. How annoying, grilled steak, just the thing you wanted, and we can’t have it. What about fried oysters? ’ Yes, fried oysters would be a good idea. But is there an R in the month? I never can remember whether you're supposed to eat oysters when there’s an R in the month or when | there isn’t.

Well, I don’t suppose they’d be selling oysters in the fish shop if it was the wrong month to eat them. You can’t trust the shops-they’d sell you anything these cays. No, we’ll have to cross out the oysters. I’m so sorry, dear. Think of something else. I’m sorry, darling, I can’t think of a thing. You say something. Oh, you are exasperating. Just when I wanted to cook something specially for you. Well, what about veal cutlets? Veal cutlets would be wonderful. % * % UT wait a minute. I’m out of breadcrumbs, and I’m certainly not going to trail to town to get breadcrumbs to-day | just for veal cutlets. And it would take far too long to make them. How annoying! I’m sorry, dearest, veal cutlets are out, too. Well, never mind, I’m not: so mad on veal cutlets anyway. You just said they were wonderful. Well, I-oh, well, never mind. Surely there are lots of other things we could have. What about an Irish stew? You like that, don’t you? Yes, an Irish stew would be delightful. But we had Irish stew on Friday. That doesn’t matter, Oh, yes it does. I can’t have you telling your friends you had the same dinner twice in four days.: What sort of a cook would their wives think I was?

My dear, I wouldn’t dream of discussing your cooking with my friends. No, I don’t suppose mere food would be interesting enough for you to discuss with your friends. Here I have to spend half the day slaving away in the kitchen cooking meals for you, and you don’t

even bother to mention to your friends what a good cook I am. They all know you're a wonderful cook, dear. Well, why don’t you take a little interest in your meals? Why can’t you say just for once, JUST FOR ONCE, what you’d like for dinner? I just said I’d love to have Irish stew. And -I’ve just told you Irish stew is out of the question! Well-what did we have last Tuesday? Last Tuesday? What on earth does it matter what we had last Tuesday? Do you think I’m the unimaginative sort of cook who gives her husband the same meal every Tuesday? . Well, just for the sake of argument, hia did ‘we have last Tuesday? Last Tuesday? Monday we had the remains of the roast, and Tuesday-yes, Tuesday we had steak and kidney pie. I léve steak and kidney pie. If you think I’m going to spend hours in the kitchen making pastry to-day-last Tuesday I had some bought pastry in the house. No, thanks! Anyway, I told you before, I absolutely refuse on principle to consider cooking what we had last Tuesday this Tuesday. Oh, well. I just told you what I really wanted. What you really wanted! I’ve never -known you to go all lyrical over steak and kidney pie before. You know perfectly well you said you wanted steak and kidney pie because I happened to

mention that we had it last Tuesday, and you jolly well couldn’t think of anything else. Well, if it’s too much much trouble for you to make pastry, what about a bought pie? I used to be pretty fond of a good old fourpenny pie before we were married. So! My cooking isn’t good enough for. you. You Want a bought pie. A BOUGHT PIE! With all that awful doughy pastry all soggy and grey, ya heaven only knows what they put inside them, I ask you what you want for dinner, because I want to cook you something for a special treat, and you say a filthy, disgusting BOUGHT PIE! What an insult to my cooking! Don't get so excited. I didn’t dream of insulting your cooking. You're a wonderful little cook, and evérything you put on the table tastes eeeey deliciaus. Well then, why can’t you tell me one thing, JUST ONE THING, you like better than anything else? . * as bd OOK, ‘darling, I told you before, everything tastes so good in this house that I have no preferences. When you cook sausages and mash it tastes as good. as roast turkey to me, So that’s what you want for dinner! Roast turkey! I didn’t say I wanted roast turkey for dinner, I just said .... What ‘do I care what you said? You want roast turkey for dinner. Roast turkey! Do you happen to know how much a turkey costs to buy these days? Darling, I’m not even faintly interested in the price of a turkey. I know it’s quite of the question and I wouldn't dream .... : Roast turkey! Did you ever hear anything’ like it! And I’m expected to manage the house on £5 a week and pay for the wood and coal and the gas

and electricity and keep something back for myself. Keep something back for myself! And me with hardly a rag to my back, and every single woman at the Bridge Club wearing a new hat except me!. Let me tell you, I'm the most economical housewife you’ ve ever met, and.... I know, I know, darling, you’re wonderful and.... AND you ask me to balance the household accounts and give you roast turkey! I’m not asking. . You are! You You said you wanted roast turkey. ~ Dearest, I assure youI.... , Well, if you want your roast turkey, go to a hotel and get it. No, darling, if you'd only listen to me, I’d rather have anything you cook an 33>. Yes! That's a jolly good idea. Go to a hotel for dinner, and give me a bit of a spell from the everlasting kitchen. I'm not one of these fussy people-I’m quite happy with a boiled egg. But of cougse, if you're serious about having dinnef at a hotel, you'll come too! So that’s it! You wanted to go to a hotel all along! I didn’t. I assure you it was you.... Yes! You want to go to a hotel to eat! And you've got the nerve to tell me I’m a ‘good cook, when all you really want to do is to get out of the house and eat without me! My cooking may be good, but it isn’t good enough for you. Oh, no! You're one of those fussy people. I want to cook something special just for you, just what you like best, and you insult me by demanding roast turkey, and when I say we can't afford it you say very well, you'll go to a hotel! (Weeping) Oh, what an insult to. my cooking! And I wanted to cook something specially for you . . ee ne a a nn