THE CHANGING FACE OF BRITAIN

New Zealand Listener, Volume 18, Issue 450, 6 February 1948, Page 7

THE CHANGING FACE OF BRITAIN

Silly Season Anthology of News from London

Compiled for "The Listener"

by

A.

A.

HE Poor Law has gone, and homes for the aged are not to have distasteful names that will make them openly seem like institutions; a busman is an Oxford undergraduate; and the Home Fleet is on the phone. ... It’s Christmastide, and I have been here three months. For the last two months I have been saving up small scraps of paper — clippings from the London dailies, which all seem to be, in one sense or another, part of the same story. It’s the story I heard from a doctor’s wife with whom I had a meal soon after I landed. "It’s terrible. Terrible!" she said. "Terrible to think I’ve got to say you

can’t have any more of this miserable little joint." She sniffed. A tear formed in one eye. "This isn’t England!" she cried. "This little island, that we women would’ve gone out in the streets and fought for with pitchforks. We'd have fought for this little island!" Down came the tear. She brought out a handkerchief, and went on to say that They had thrown out That Wonderful Man that could have saved this little island. "These people!" she said bitterly. Then she leaned low across the table and said to me softly but firmly: "We've got Communism in this country now. You know that, don’t you? You can’t have what you want now. You can’t do what you want now!" e Well, this isn’t England then. Or is it? I squeeze the handles of a big» blue bulldog clip and release my clippings, and spread them out in little piles, roughly classified. Here they are. The Mother of Parliaments HOWLER has been made in the House of Commons, a howler arising out of misquotation of the Odyssey. No one in the House at the time picked it up. Mr. Walter Elliott (Conservative, Scottish Universities) said "Mr. Bevan has asked for his ears to be stopped in case-like Ulysses of old with the sirens -he might be seduced by local authorities to give them too much money." Mr. Bevan-"I can imagine myself in the role of Ulysses, but I cannot imagine Mr. Elliott in the role of siren." (Footnote by the Evening Standard that day: "Ulysses had his ears filled with wax: so that he might sail past the sirens.") Next day the Standard said the exchange between Mr. Bevan and Mr. Elliott was making schoolboys laugh.

"Mr. Bevan Missed His Chance" said the Standard. "He should have rebuked the member for the Scottish Universities for forgetting what every schoolboy knows: that it was the sailors of Ulysses who had their ears stopped with wax. The hero himself .... sailed past... . listening to the sirens’ song." (The Standard made no reference to its own corroboration of the howler.) * Eg * ORD NATHAN, Minister of Civil Aviation, and Mr. Lindgren, Parliamentary Secretary to the Ministry, cancelled at short notice their engagement to a foreign air lines luncheon in the Savoy, at which they were to have been the guests of honour. The chairman at the luncheon had to announce that thev

ANS had been unable to come. The Times _ reported that the reason was that the Trades Union Congress "were not agreeable to the Minister and the Parliamentary Sectetary attending the luncheon at the Savoy Hotel while an official strike was in progress." * * * HEN Mr. Arthur Greenwood was asked to resign from the Cabinet by Mr. Attlee, _ the official letters which passed between them were published in The Times. Mr. Attlee’s

letter began, "Dear Arthur." Mr. Greenwood’s reply began "Dear Clem." * * * CONSERVATIVE member in the Commons asked whether the Board of Trade knew that women in Somerset with large feet couldn’t get boots to fit them. Mr. Belcher, Parliamentary Secretary to the Board of Trade, said he would look into it, but he said it was difficult to get manufacturers to supply lines that were not easily sold. Sir T. Moore (Ayr Burghs, Conservative): The Hon. Gentleman is wrong. Is he not aware that owing to the number of hours spent in queues, large feet are now widespread? (Loud laughter.) Winter Fuel HE vicar of the Dickensian village of Cobham, Kent, the Rev. E. L. Brooke-Jones, has asked parishioners to bring logs with them when they come to church to help solve the church heating problem this» winter. Footnote for ignorant Colonial -readers: "Logs," in England, means small pieces of wood, about eight inches long and four or five inches in diameter. A coal merchant’s office usually has one of these things in its window, labelled "Logs! Unrationed. But order now." The tendency to euphuism can be seen in other departments of the house-warming business. For instance, heaters are here called "electric fires," and central heating installations are, with» comparable optimism called "radiators." : * Bs * NOTE put on a bathroom door by a landlady, "ordering her tenants to © bath only on Sundays, resulted in a case © at Clerkenwell county court in which © Judge Konstam, K.C., granted an in- |

terim injunction to allow the tenants to use the bathoom on any day of the week, Application for the injunction was made by Mr. M. Feldman-tenant with his family of rooms at a house in Adolphus Road, Finsbury Park-against his landlady, Mrs. Sarah Goodman, of the same address, Mrs, S. W. Magnus, counsel for Mrs. Goodman, said "With regard to taking a bath once a week, we have the authority of the Minister of Fuel and Power." Judge Konstam, "So far as this application is concerned, I don’t care about the authority of the Minister of Fuel and Power." Bird Life (and Death), 1947 NCOURAGING results have been achieved in preliminary experiments conducted at the R.A.F. station at Shawbury, Shropshire, in the use of peregrine falcons to discourage the congregation of flocks of birds on airfields. A small sum of money has been provided from R.A.F. funds for the experiment (says The Times). The Air Ministry states that the cost of damage to R.A.F. aircraft by birds last year was estimated at £20,000... There have been accidents when pilots have lost control while trying to avoid a bird and it is thought that birds may have caused some of the unexplained air accidents .. . . Directing the operations at Shawbury is Mr. Ronald Stevens, of Lydbury North, Shropshire, a noted falconer and a bird fancier of international repute .... In charge of five falcons at Shawbury, under Mr. Stevens, is AC2 Terrance O’Reilly, whose home is at "Slough, Bucks, who had some experience with hawks as a hobby before joining up ... . . After further trials at Shawbury the falcons will be moved to an R.A.F. airfield frequented by flocks of seagulls, for further experiments. * * * A PARTRIDGE was caught, after it had flown into the Food Office at Burnham-on-Crouch (says the Evening Standard). Rules and Regulations ‘THE correspondence columns of The ‘" Times are the place to study the Resistance Movement. This letter is from a doctor. "TO THE EDITOR OF THE TIMES. Sir,-I was confronted a few days ago by a very angry man who wished me to certify that he was the father of twins. It transpired ‘that he was wishful to buy a pram to push out his twins, but had been refused until he produced a certificate. ‘"‘As if," said he, "I should be such a fool as to waste my money buying a pram for twins if I hadn’t got " twins. Yours faithfully, . Cc. M. STUB Another letter comes. from George Long,’ Chairman of Magistrates; Whitchurch, Hampshire. He had just applied for a renewal of’ his fire-arms certificate, which he had held for many years, and which was granted for house-protection. The application had been returned to him with a written comment: "There is now no need for, fire-arms for houseprotection." Seeing the hand of the officious official in this, he writes with indignation, challenging the statement, and pointing out (quite rightly) that scarcely a night passes without a brutal

attack upon elderly people living alone in large houses, or upon night watchmen in charge of valuable property. * % %* ROM the News Chronicle: Harry Tickle, proprietor of Tickle’s Dairy, was seen taking four bottles of milk into his home in Herbert Rd., Chatham. Today at Chatham he was fined £2 for doing so. It was explained that he could not register with his own firm because he lives outside the area it serves. (Note: There was evidently no suggestion that his offence was supplying himself with excess milk.) Jack and his Master (See also "The Mother of Parliaments, Item ‘ie CUT of 30 minutes is to be made in the presentation of Handel’s Messiah by Bristol Choral Society on Saturday evening at the Central Hall, Old Market, to meet the demands of the hall cleaners, who insist that the performance shall be over by 9.0 p.m The Times. ; * % % UNWICH, a village on the Suffolk coast owned by the Barne family for 300 years, has been sold’ at auction for £53,000. (To Commander F, O. G. Lloyd, of London). Villagers thronged the auction room to see who their new squire would be; and heard the huge house ("Grey Friars") standing in 43 acres of parkland, sold for approximately the value of its bricks and mortar, panelling and trees. Most of them bought their own cottages for £300 or £400 each. Whenever an outsider. tried to bid against them there was a roar of "Tenant!" from the 200 villagers. Mr. Jack-son-Stops, the auctioneer, congratulated ‘them publicly. "These houses are worth treble what you are paying for them," he declared. * % * ND the Duke of Norfolk, under pressure of taxation, has offered options to 120 of his tenants. The properties are mostly cottages in the town of Arundel, Sussex, some of which are let at rents of 2s 6d a week. : * * * ARYLEBONE Council has decided that owing to the indignity attached to the title "roadsweepers," these council employees shall in future be known as "road orderlies." (continued on next page)

ROUGH ISLAND. STORY

(continued from previous page) FROM The Times: A youth giving evidence at Great Yarmouth Magistrates’ Court yesterday described himself as "a retail food distributor." "You mean what we used to call an errand boy?" suggested the magistrate’s clerk (Mr. G. Bracey).*° "That’s right, sir," said the youth. * * % HE Master of the Rolls, Lord Greene, asked in the Court of Appeal: "Has that peculiar phrase "The Housing of the Working Classes’ been defined anywhere?" and Sir Valentine Holmes, K.C., counsel for the L.C.C., said in his reply: "I regard myself as a member of the working classes, but I’m quite certain that the L.C.C. would not consider me as a tenant of one of their flats. There must be many people who would give anything to get one."

ak BS x ‘THOMAS WILFRED CLARKE, aged 39, is the first London busman ever to become an Oxford undergraduate. A unit adjuster at Potters Bar garage, he is taking a two years’ full-time Honours course in Economics, _ Political Science, and Philosophy, says the Evening Standard. % * | Bets PROPOSAL by Miss (Marghanita Laski (not a daughter of Professor Laski) that vouchers should be awarded

for extra production time worked (in addition to normal overtime payment) rewarding workers with (e.g.) nylons for 10 vouchers or petrol for 100, was reported to be going before Sir Stafford Cripps with other ideas that were being considered. (But this was before the present "Talk Success" Campaign started by the News Chronicle, helped by the coal production news, and about to be followed up by the BBC, in a programme called "Progress Report.’’) The British Navy ROM The Times: The Admiralty announces that a short-range radiotelephone service is now available for calls between Home Fleet ships and other ships on the home station and telephone subscribers in Great Britain, Northern Ireland, and Eire. The minimum charge will be 10s 6d for three minutes. * % FFROM the Evening Standard: Rear Admiral C. S. Sandford, R.N., retired, applied to-day for the rent of his self-contained flat at Rutland-gate, to be fixed by Chelsea Rent Tribunal. In a hearing which lasted one and a_ half hours the chairman, Mr. C. W. Skinner, closely questioned the expenses of the lessor, Mr. H. A. M. d’Este. The rent was reduced from £6 6s to £5 2s 6d a week. The Supertramp What is this life if, full of care, We have no time to stand and stare? ECAUSE the number of tramps on Buckinghamshire roads has increased and many casual wards ave been

closed, they are to be admitted to institutions where they will be able ta see television-The Star. * * ES VELL, there are the clippings, anda now I can use my bulldog clip for something else. Is this England? (And to anyone who asks, "Is this This England"? I should perhaps make it clear that only two of my pieces have been lifted from the column of that name in‘ the New Statesman and Nation.) But I don’t know whether it’s England, or whether it’s not. There is a possibilty that organ grinders will be banned completely in London quite soon. Boroughs are arranging a conference, and if they all agree, organ grinders will go. Dogs will not go. If you go into a teashop on a Saturday afternoon to help out the week-end

meals with some unrationed calories, as many people do, you must look under the table before you put your feet there. The melting eyes of someone’s Spaniel may plead with you, and licking and grunting will accompany, © your eating. Sometimes on a busy footpath you find your way barred by the taut lead between a preoccupied dog and a woman with an ex.pressionless face who is just waiting

until she can move on. rt0U SHOW neither surprise nor impatience when this happens-it’s up to you to show nothing more than the lady witk the expressionless face shows. You just wait until the dog has attended to his affairs, and others file through what’s left of the open footpath. Certain common decencies remain. When the King and Queen with Princess Margaret visited Broadcasting House the other evening, the man who twiddles the knobs in the control room was told to wear a dinner jacket. . Optimism often rears its head in the news too. In announcing an agreement for importing eggs from Denmark, the News Chronicle said it was hoped there would be "six or seven for everyone next vear."’