DOUBLE-CROSSED BY A LABOUR-SAVING DEVICE

New Zealand Listener, Volume 15, Issue 366, 28 June 1946, Page 10

DOUBLE-CROSSED BY A LABOUR-SAVING DEVICE

HE whole business started when we won the hundred quid in the Art Union. "Something for Nothing" it was called, and it was the only time we ever got anything for nothing except the time when somebody who didn’t like us much sent us a piece of very high fish through the post. But that was different and was entirely due to an argument that father had had some days previously about the merits of a certain statesman. This was the real thing. At the time we were living in quite a respectable house in Grape Lane that runs off Tinakori Road. It was a homely little place without much broken glass in the windows, and it had four rooms and two fireplaces, although we could only use one of them because the chimney of the other had collapsed. It had electric light too, which was a bit of a novelty for us. For the first week or two I used to spend a lot of time switching it on and off and watching the bulb light up. We had been there for about three months, quite a long stretch for us, we usually didn’t stay long in one place because of the rent. We would evacuate round about eleven or twelve at night, mostly when we had been in a place about three weeks. We had a handcart that we would take with us that carried all our belongings, which didn’t amount to much, and off we would trundle to our new home. We were aiways hoping for something better in those days, but it never seemed to turn up, and this little aah was just a bit of all right. * * * E read it in the paper on the Thursday night. "Ma," I said. "There it is all right. It’s your number and everything. A hundred quid."

"Well, son," said mother, "I think I deserve it. Ever since your father deserted us I have been hoping for. something to turn up." She took it pretty calmly, I thought. And I didn’t go much on that your father deserted us stuff. Even though I was young at the time I knew that there were two sides to everything. "It’s turned up all right, ma," I said. "The question is-what are you going to do with it? It’s a lot of money that is." "T’ve got to get it yet," said mother. "I might have lost the ticket, or the paper might be wrong." I flew over to the table and found ma’s bag, and, brushing the hair back from my eyes so as to see properly, I hunted through it until I found that ticket. "There you are," I said. "It’s O.K, all right." The next day mother put on her other dress, the brown velvet one, and went down to get the money. I stuck pretty close to her-I wasn’t going to be separated from a chance of getting in on that hundred if I could help it. After a little mix-up on the wrong floor of the office building due to mother’s stubbornness, we collected the loot without a hitch. "What are you going to do with it?" I asked. "First of all," said mother, "I think we should put a little aside to pay for the rent, and then we’ll see what we have ps Dita "It'll be about the first time we’ve ever done that," I said. I was a bit disappointed about wasting money like that. "If I’ve got the money I don’t mind paying the rent at all," said mother, "Oh, well," I said, "I daresay it won't hurt much this time. There'll still be a fair bit left." (continued on next page)

(continued from previous page) FTER we had worked it out we found that there was about eighty-seven pounds left. "We could buy something big for that," I said. "It’s about time we had something really modern about the place, something slap up to date." "Look," I said, as we made our way like a couple of threadworms througli the crowd in Cuba Street, "I know just what we want. It'll add tone to the place and save you a lot of work. Honest, ma, it'll give you a lot of extra time to sit down and think in." "What do I want to think about?" said mother. "How do I know," I said. "Anyway, if you don’t want to do that it’ll give you plenty of spare time. You’d be able to go tothe’ pictures three or four times a week." "Would I really?" said mother, letting a small round-faced clerk cannon off her hip. "Well-that sounds better. I cdo like to be able to go to the pictures now and then. There’s a good one on at the Colesium/ this week too." "That’s right," I said. "You just take my advice and you'll be able to go and see it every night in the week." "What is it?" asked mother, standing like a rock in the middle of the footpath and allowing the late shoppers to divide and flow past her. "A washing-machine," I said. "You know how the tubs are-one leaks and the tap on the other won’t turn. And the copper won’t draw becduse of the clay from the bank that’s got stuck in it. And the Smiths and the Purviews will be as jealous as get-out if we get one. And it won’t be on time payment either, so we wouldn’t lose it like the Smiths did their vacuum-cleaner." "T’ve heard of them," said mother. "They're wonderful," I said. "I’ve tread the advertisements about them. They do everything. They just do all the work and they never go wrong. And I know where we can buy one. The latest model." "Come on," I said. And off we went. * a * WE entered the shop cautiously, edging past the automatic ironers, the chromium-plated self-ejecting toasters, the vacuum-cleaners, the radios and the refrigerators until we came to the wash-ing-machine department. "And now, madam," said the counterjumper, as he flashed his bright eyes and broke his mouth into a welcoming grin, "what can we do for you?" "Is that a washing-machine?" asked mother. The counter-jumper rubbed his hands together with pleasure. "That, madam, is the absolutely latest and best washing-machine in the country. They were only landed a few days ago direct from the manufacturers. Now there are only a few left-my word, they’ve sold like hot cakes. And they’re a new type too-self-regulating, selfemptying, self-filling, self-heating and fitted with extra large rubber wheeis

for easy moving. I think you'll find this model absolutely satisfactory, madam." The young man’s cheeks were pink with gusto, he waved his arms and he was on tiptoes with enthusiasm. "There you are, ma," I said. "That’s just what we want. That'll put the Purviews’ nose out of joint." "It does look a lovely one, all right," said mother. "How much do these cost?" she asked the counter-jumper. "Well," he said, "these were the last shipment to come into the country before the pound rose and the franc sank and the dollar was stabilised and the pengo was absorbed into the sterling area, And that is why we can let them goat the special price of sixty-five pounds cash, or else arrangements can be made to use our confidential system of friendly credit." "Wipe your chin," I said in an unde1tone. "Well," said mother, "I suppose that means‘ that they’re sixty-five pounds each. What do you think of that, Henry?" : "T think we ought to hop in now," I said. "Before the pengo goes for another skate. You can never tell with this foreign money." "We might as well, I suppose," said mother. "After all-we’ve got the money." "That’s right," I said. "What’s the use of hanging on to it. Let it circulate, that’s what I say." So mother paid cash on the nob and the young man, radiant with success, promised to send the washing-machine up on Monday. * * % T arrived all right and we had it inStalled in the kitchen because the wash-hduse leaked so badly. We sat and looked at it for a long time-it.was so white and clean and beautiful. Then we read the directions and plugged it into the light socket and put some water in the place where the water went. Then we turned the switch on and waited again. ' : | "IT hope it will be all right," said mother nervously. "You just leave it to me," I said. "It’s as simple as shelling peas. You just put the soap-powder here, and the clothes in here, and there you are. She’s all set." So we just sat down and watched while the clothes were washed. "Tt’s wonderful," breathed mother. "Ever since your father left us I’ve been praying for something like this." "That’s right, mother," I said. "You just go and put your hat on and trot off to the pictures." "I think I will," she said. "I’ll go and see what they’ve got on at the Megatherium. I believe there’s a double feature on there to-day." And off she breezed. Things were pretty good for some time after that. We had the neighbours on toast-they didn’t know what way to look. They just weren’t in our class at all. And the washing-machine was a2 proper dandy. We kept on finding out new things it could do. We found a place you could make toast in; and on the other side there was a little radio built in; if you turned Button B the other way and didn’t put any water in you could use it as a stove; while there was a way (continued on next page)

| SHORT STORY

(continued from previous page) of arranging the wringer so that it would beat cakes up. Altogether she was a beaut and mother practically lived at the flicks, while I spent quite a bit of time at the pool-room down at the corner. * * * ‘THEN one day I came back to find mother outside holding the door shut. She looked scared. "Look through the window," she whispered. So I did. And what did I see but that machine with one leg on a chair reaching up with the lever that worked the wringer and turning the light switch on and off. You could have knocked me over with a feather. Straight! "That’s. my trick," I said. "It’s come alive. I always thought it had too many gadgets on it. It’s a frankenstein, ma. It’s dangerous. We’ll have to get rid of Ae "Oh, Henry," said mother, "I feel ell of a flutter. I feel quite ill. Here I was just coming in after seeing Forbidden Love to look if the washing was done and dinner cooked. And there it was. And it turned and clicked at me. So I got outside. Oh, Henry-what can we | do?" We went down to the coal-shed and sat down to think things over. "We'll have to do something," I said, "We should never have bought it," said n.other firmly. "It’s got the devil in it: I never really trusted it from the day we bought it. It always looked sly to Ln

me. And now it’s taken possession of thee house." "I'll go up and have a nosey around," I said. I looked in the kitchen window and there’ it was with its radio turned on sliding up and down the room on its rubber wheels in time to the music. It had pushed all the furniture to one side and broken some of it, and it had rolled all the curtains up in the wringer. This beats everything, I thought. So I tried to get in through the door. But as soon as I was half in the thing saw Mme and ran over and shot out a hot piece of burnt toast at me. It hit me over the face and hurt like fun. Then it belched half a bucket of boiling water at me and I got away fast. "It’s no good, ma," I said, when I had got back to the coal-shed. "It’s taken ° charge, all right. We’ll have to doss out here." "I knew it, Henry. I knew it. Ever since your father deserted us this kind of thing has been happening." "We can light a fire anyway," I aéid. "And there’s a pile of sacks in that corner-it’s a good job it’s not a cold night. "What’s worrying me," I said, "is what the Smiths and the Purviews are going to say in the morning when they poke their noses over the fence and see us sleeping in the coal-shed. We can’t tell them we’ve been chased out by a wash-ing-machine. It’s silly." . "What else can we said mother patiently. "I always felt this might happen. It’s against nature. That’s what it is." SS