DON'T SHOOT THE GROCER

New Zealand Listener, Volume 14, Issue 359, 10 May 1946, Page 10

DON'T SHOOT THE GROCER

| |\Written for "The Listener’ !

by

E.C.

RUSSELL

ONDAY morning and 1 opened up the shop to find the ‘phone ringing. "This is Mrs. A. speaking, grocer," I heard. "I sent my daughter in on Friday night for the groceries and you told her that we had no butter left. Yet I have three books with number 24 left in each one. We had no butter for the week-end and I am very annoyed." I explained to her that every fourth coupon was.no good, but she had been in a huff for the week-end and didn’t want to understand. This was a bad start. Three customers on end asked for honey. I told the third one that we had not had any honey since last No vember and no chance of any coming. "Then why did they put over the radio last night the fixed retail prices of honey?" she demanded suspiciously. "Search me," I said. "Those Bees are alwavs getting us into trouble."

With a few sarcastic remarks about "under the counter" trade she buzzed off. * Ea HE baker arrived and stated cheerfully that bread rolls were up one penny a dozen but the retail price remained the same. I worked out what

that would cost per week and cursed inwardly. Mrs. B. entered with a wild gleam in her eye. "You cut my tea coupon out of my book on Friday and didn’t give me the tea," she bawled at me. I did some quick thinking. "But," I replied. "You have three books and as you get half-a-pound each week it stands to reason you miss the bus every fourth week." "Not so fast, smarty," she came back. "I used my son’s leave coupons for one week." I felt a bit flat. She opened the ration book and said, "You can see for. your-self-the coupons have gone," as if that settled everything. It did. A traveller arrived so we put the kettle on and brought out the iced wafers and chocolate biscuits. It pays to keep sweet with the Knights of the Road. I handed him the "Goods Wanted

ET List." We call it the ‘Travellers’ Handi-cap-Wait for Ages." It starts with rice, sago, tapioca, .pineapples, salmon, etc. However the traveller spotted one item which he thought they "might have if it hadn’t all gone" and felt in all his pockets for a pencil. He assured me that he did have a pencil one day last week. I rushed out to buy him one. % we By HAD just made tea when a super ‘snag came in. Jack and Doreen saw her first and suddenly discovered they had an urgent call elsewhere. I was left flat-footed and when I returned to the kitchen the tea was stone cold. Later I lectured the staff on being civil to all customers-good, bad and superdooper -with a mental reservation not to be caught next time. ‘ Mrs. J. rang up to cancel her loaf for that day as she had plenty. "But," I explained to her. "Yours is a special loaf and very hard to sell and of course once ordered the baker will not take it back."

I spent ten minutes in a hopeless argument, and in the end took the loaf home, where we already had more bread than we could use. we ok * WO nurses came in after cigarettes. ‘I offered them Caimels-local breed -and was told they preferred to work in the hospital-not be carried in! I could see Mrs. X waiting to be attended to by me. The hard word for something, I guessed. "Oh, grocer,’ she gushed, "my son is returning from overseas next week and " "Yes, I know," I interrupted, "and you wanted to know if I had a spare pound of butter to make a cake." "Two pounds if you could spare it," she replied. I spent another ten minutes showing her the returns I had just prepared for the Rationing Office declaring butter on hand; amounts received; amounts sold to registered customers; leave coupons; emergencies and permits, even to the half pound. "Now are you satisfied?" I asked triumphantly, She picked up her bag and made for the door. "Then how is it,’ she shot back at me, "my daughter can get all she wants from her grocer?" Fortunately capital punishment does not apply to one’s thoughts. A stranger came in after tobacco. I offered him some which he refused with a cryptic remark sbout a horse. I reminded him that "Hobson’s Choice" also referred to a horse. After trying every other shop he came back for it. "The last packet," I assured him, perhaps a little too cheerfully. Just then I glanced up and saw Mrs. Y, coming across from the fish shop, so decided to get dinner ready. I deserved a break anyway. However my luck was out. She demanded to see me. "How is it?" she asked, "that you have no tobacco for my son? He has been away fighting for his King and Country for four years and he can’t get a smoke." I explained to her that we did not get any extra for the boys returning and asked her rather: foolishly if she could suggest a remedy. "Too right I can," she replied. "Why. not give the returned boys the tobacco you keep for those who never went away?" \ "A good idea," I said. "Let’s start off by giving your own tobacco to your son!" ‘ a o Ey ] Was interrupted a dozen times dur- ing dinner to tell people we had no honey. (Advertisers please note: If you want to make a line really unpopular keep on advertising it over the air when it is not procurable.) The butcher brought in a parcel of meat to be sent up with Mrs. V’s grocery

order. We had words. If the blanky butchers won’t deliver why palm it on to us! In any case our delivery boy hates going to this particular place because he is afraid of the dog. However I weakened and took the parcel. It was heavy and being a Nosey Parker I had a peep inside. Bones for the dog! Went through the accounts file and noticed that Mrs. O. did not pay last week’s bill. Reminded by Jack that the Races were on. A young woman came in with a parcel held at atm’s length. "Mum got three eggs from you on Friday and two were bad," she yelled at me. "Just two bad," I replied sympathetically. "What shall I do about it?" "Keep them for the Election," she said, and with that buzzed out again. A pleasant interlude. I was now feeling a bit weary and when a customer came in and demanded tobacco otherwise his wife would deal elsewhere he was told where to go. He will get toasted tobacco there, I hope. An inspector came in. I wondered what I had done wrong and prepared for the worst. He waited till I had finished serving, which confirmed my fears. Tiredly I walked round the counter and asked him his business. "Any smokes?" he inquired hopefully.