SOPHIA WHO HAD SEX-APPEAL

New Zealand Listener, Volume 8, Issue 183, 24 December 1942, Page 12

SOPHIA WHO HAD SEX-APPEAL

OPHIA was not a particularly attractive baby. True she was, as is customary with babies, curvacious, but her toothless gums and hairless head were not calculated to endear her to lovers of the beautiful. But even her worst friend could not deny that Sophia had Something. So much so that at the age of six months she carried off the first prize in the local baby contest in the teeth of 149 other babies all better equipped dentally and crinically than herself, and though many people were prepared to believe the rumour, circulated by the mothers of also-ran babies, that’ Sophia had winked at the judge, Sophia’s mother always maintained that Sophia was Not a Girl Like That. For Sophia’s father and mother approved of Sophia, in spite of the fact that they had so much trouble with her. christening. For it proved quite impossible to find two godmothers willing to undertake the responsibility of supervising Sophia’s Progress from childhood to adolescence, so in the end they were forced to have three godfathers instead. But Sophia, far. from objecting, seemed to approve of this new departure, and a good time was had by all except the presiding clergyman, who remarked that Sophia was Hard to Handle.

HIS remark was echoed many years later by Sophia’s headmistress in the course of a letter written to Sophia’s parents, in which she suggested that perhaps it was time for Sophia to leave school and do her Matric. by correspondence. And Sophia’s parents were pleased, because they were very fond of Sophia, and were tired of having to tell Sophia’s godfathurs that she wouldn't be home till the Christmas holidays. But when Sophia got home she decided that she wouldn’t sit Matric. after all, and explained to her mother that it would be much more constructive if she did some sort of social work instead. And

her mother said What sort of social work? and Sophia said she thought it would be a good idea if she joined a club for the entertainment of servicemen. So Sophia did, but unfortunately the clubrooms were not vary spacious to begin with and proved quite unequal to the flood of soldiers, sailors, and airmen who took to frequenting the place as soon as it was heard that Sophia was a member. So in despair the committee suggested that the situation might be eased if Sophia helped with the meals instead of the hostessing, but as it turned out the visiting servicemen all preferred peeling potatoes and washing dishes to doing the palais glide, and the club funds which had been set aside for enlarging the ballroom had to be diverted to extending the kitchen instead. Meanwhile all the other clubs were eagerly competing for Sophia’s membership, and Sophia, who was an obliging child, agreed to spend one night a week at each, as well as helping with all street collections. But what of Sophia’s parents? Even their fervent approval of Sophia’s patriotic activities could not blind them to the fact that two hours’ sleep a night (they always waited up for Sophia) was insufficient for the middle-aged, and in addition Sophia’s mother was wearing herself out with the labour of preparing meals for anything up to twenty visiting servicemen. For Sophia had a natural gift for friendship, and Sophia’s mother had always told her that she need never hesitate to bring any of her friends to the house. So Sophia’s parents decided that it would be a good idea if they took to living in a place where there weren’t so many people for Sophia to make friends with. And Sophia thought it would be a good idea too, because she was getting ‘a little bit tired of coping with visiting servicemen and thought she’d like to get her Matric. instead. So they managed to get a nice house in a small country village with just a pub. and a town hall for Sophia to sit her Matric. in and they prepared for the Big Shift. It proved slightly more difficult than was anticipated, for the Patriotic Committee had conceived the plan of harnessing Sophia to a campaign for selling Liberty Bonds, and it was necessary to choose a dark night in order to escape the cordon of City Councillors surrounding the house. ... Alt went well with Sophia until the fatal day of her Matriculation Examination. In order to read the questions she took off her dark glasses for the first time in four months, and accidentally caught the supervisor’s eye. It was a case of Love at First Sight. They were married a week later. Sophia’s parents explained to Sophia’s husband just prior to the ceremony the events which had led to their leaving the Big City. Sophia’s husband agreed with them that it would be best if he and Sophia set up house in a place unable to be described as a Built-Up Area. To this end Samuel (for such was his name) threw up a quite promising (Continued on next page)

(Continued from previous page) career as Industrial Saboteur and bought a log cabin and six acres of ground in the middle of the Waipoua Kauri Forest. ‘AND here he and Sophia lived in a state of idyllic happiness and complete solitude for three weeks. Then one day when Sophia was wandering alone through the forest glades she tripped over a tripod which she was sure had not been there before and precipitated herself into the middle of a Boy Scout encampment. She immediately turned to flee, and almost fell into the arms of a party of harriers who appeared to be making the forest their headquarters. The next day Sophia stayed firmly at home, while Samuel did some cautious reconnoitring. As well as the Boy Scout Camp and Harrier Headquarters, search revealed that within a few yards of the log cabin the Y.M.C.A. was holding a rally and the Rotarians a retreat. Two weeks later Samuel brought back the news that a Military Camp had been established only one hundred -yards from the front door. They must face the facts — Sophia’s fatal magnetism, despite the efforts of her conscious will, was doing its dread work. Soon they would have to contend with the defaulters’ camps and Diocesan Synods as well. It was too much. SOPHIA had a long struggle with herself. For years she had made the mistake of fighting against her subconscious, thus failing to achieve an integrated personality. But the solution lay in exploiting, rather than burying, her talent. There was nothing for it. She must become a film star. She did. She became Hollywood’s No. 1 Zipp Girl (Sweater Girls and Oomph Girls had nothing on her, her Publicity Manager assured her). She was typed as the Sirocco in the Swim-suit, and everybody agreed that nothing like her had been seen since the first blonde was found in the bomb-rack. But in spite of it all she was not happy. What did she want? her manager asked her. A mink coat, a rise in wages? An entirely new build-up? But no, said Sophia. All she wanted was a log cabin in the backwoods where she could be alone with the man she loved. "That’s the stuff, kid" said her manager, and telephoned it through to the press room. EANWHILE, disquieting news was reaching her from New Zealand. Her parents’ letters were full of the Man-

power Shortage which constituted so serious a menace to the national war effort. Then came the final blow, for which even the fact that she was now leading the Popularity Poll for the combined C.O. camps of the United Nations (Lamour and Sheridan bracketed second equal) failed to console her. She had missed by 2% in Arithmetic. Her parents were heartbroken. She must go to comfort them. Her manager could not understand her decision, thinking she must have some more cogent reason for dissatisfaction with Hollywood. Was she tired of being Torrid? He offered to bill her as the Ice Bergner, Seven-Eighths Submerged. Already his mind busied itself with possibilities for sub-heads on the lines of What’s she got underneath? But Sophia was adamant. She took the next boat home. ER parents were easily consoled for Sophia’s failure by her promise to sit the examination again next year. And she was free to devote herself to the other of the two problems, the country’s increasing Manpower Shortage. Remembering with shame her earlier defection in the matter of Liberty Bonds she offered her unstinted services to the Manpower Board. Together they worked out a plan of campaign, The campaign was an unqualified success. Not enough men to staff a certain ammunition plant? All that was required was for Sophia to spend a day or two filling shell cases and the factory doors would be besieged by thousands of eager applicants. Shortage of shearers? Sophia spent a couple of days in the district and the problem was solved. And her influence extended beyond the borders of New Zealand. A special State Department had to be set up to deal with the swarms of emigrants from Australia and the Solomons. " And Sophia at last found happiness. Samuel came back to her, having decided that the publicity would help, not hinder, him in his career, and anyway Sophia was earning enough to keep them — both in comfort. Sophia passed \her Matric, with half a per cent to spare. And they erected a twelve-foot barbed wire entanglement. round the» log bin: and made quite a lot on the side se ice-creams and fizzy drinks to the crowds © drawn irresistibly to the spot every Saturday and Sunday afternoon by Sophia’s magnetic powers of attraction.

M.

B.