All About PENELOPE — Who Was Unpatriotic

New Zealand Listener, Volume 6, Issue 147, 17 April 1942, Page 16

All About PENELOPE — Who Was Unpatriotic

ENELOPE’S parents’ were prejudiced, otherwise they would have noticed what everybody else noticed, that from her earliest years Penelope exhibited distinctly parasitic and

anti-social tendencies. She refused to learn to walk at the age laid down by the Plunket Society, apparently realising that the longer she put it off the more likelihood there was of being taken places by pram, And she was most unco-operative in the matter of entertaining her mother’s guests, preferring that they should shake rattles and make faces for her amusement, rather than that she should be put to the trouble of delighting them with her quaint little ways. But in spite of all this, her parents were quite fond of Penelope, even if everyone did say "such a placid child" as if it was a rather unfortunate quality; and when the time came, they sent her to a really good boardingschool, where they thought she’d be happy and learn something about Team Spirit through having to mix with other girls so much, and play compulsory games in healthful surroundings. And actually Penelope was quite happy even if she didn’t learn anything about Team Spirit but only the six subjects she wanted for her University Entrance exam. The mistresses (all except the Sports Mistress), had a high opinion of her because she was the only one in the class who didn’t help her neighbour with the answers to end-of-term examination papers; so they all wrote nice things on her report, except the Sports Mistress, who contented herself with saying "Penelope has no sense

of -Civic Responsibility." But her parents didn’t notice this, because they were so busy reading the other things about integrity and honesty of purpose. % a * \W HEN Penelope left school, her mother said it will be so nice having you home all the time, dear, but she found out that it wasn’t really, so she was quite glad when Penelope took to going out to a Morning Tea, and then on to a Bridge Luncheon, a Five O’Clocker, a Thé Dansant and a Cabaret. That meant that all Penelope’s mother had to do, apart from looking after her wardrobe, was to take up breakfast in the morning and remind Penelope of her engagements for the day, which’ was much less strenuous than running round after Penelope on the days when she had been home most of the time. And if Penelope’s father did say "That girl’s never home nowadays," Penelope’s mother could always point to the lip-stick stained cigarette butts everywhere, which proved that Penelope was still home some of the time, ba ae % ELL, after a while, Penelope got rather tired of the Social Whirl, so she stayed home one night and told her parents she wanted to Get a Job. Her father thought it was very funny, because she couldn’t do anything except play bridge, and even then not

well enough to make any money out of it, but he said he’d look around, and after a while, he ran into a friend of his who knew somebody who wanted a private secretary and receptionist. So Penelope got the job, and quite liked it, because all she had to do was answer the ’phone, and all the clients complimented her on her voice, and said she ought to go in for radio work. And when business was slow, she and her employer used to play a kind of twohanded bridge which he’d invented in his spare time. %* % * \/ELL, everything went along swimmingly for Penelope, and_ she scarcely even noticed that there was a war on, except that the people she used to go to dances with used to go away and write to her instead, but she usually didn’t answer the letters, because she was too busy going out with other people. She used to sit in the easy chair at her desk much the same as usual with her silk-clad legs attractively arranged and nonchalantly flick ash into the Clean Waste Paper Basket, heedless of the fact that this made the Clean Waste Paper useless for re-pulp-ing, and hence was a direct hindrance to the National War Effort. The other girls at the office didn’t like Penelope much. For one thing, they rather resented those silk-clad legs, and they used to spend quite a lot of time after work (Penelope always left promptly), roughening up the legs of her comfortable chair and hoping the Worst Would Happen. But no matter how many pairs of stockings Penelope laddered, she always seemed to have more in reserve. The truth was that at the beginning of the war, Penelope had gone in for stocking hoarding on a big scale, and even now, she had 20 pairs intact in her bottom drawer. And the week before, when all the other girls had spent their pocket money on Bonds for Bombers, Penelope, aware that’ every (Continued on next page)

TALE FOR THE TIMES (Continued from previous page) other decent-minded woman in the country would have done the same and that consequently there would be no demand for any stockings that might have arrived, toured the shops and bought up another 20 aiis. And when the office junior came round asking for a sixpenny contribution to a joint National Savings Scheme, Penelope retorted quite rudely that she had better uses for her money, and went straight out and bought herself a sixpenny bar of chocolate. é we % * Alt appeals to her patriotism left Penelope unmoved. ‘She refused to join the E.P.S., and when the building warden put her down as a fire-watcher, Penelope wroté him a rude letter saying that she preferred to do her firewatching in the living-room at home. When people, horrified at her apathy, asked her what she intended to do if the Japanese came, Penelope would bring out her week-end case ready packed, and, displaying her eveningfrock, would suggest that perhaps the Japanese would like to dance. When an official of the America-Britain Friendship League begged all patrioticallyminded citizens to take visiting Americans to their homes, their hearts and their arms, Penelope steadfastly refused to keep them anywhere except at arm’s length; and if anyone attempted to reason with her, she pointed out that that was by far the best place for them, as they weren’t allowed to marry in New Zealand, anyway. After that, even Penelope’s parents were forced to admit that she was getting just a little hard, perhaps. Eg * bs T was rather a blow to Penelope when she opened her office paper one morning for a quiet hour’s reading, to discover that she’s been called up for military service. She had _ horrible visions of herself masquerading as a W.A.A.F. in grey lisle stockings, or being forced to wear one of those khaki drill uniforms and _ flat-heeled shoes. She felt quite upset for a moment. Then she realised that her employer would probably appeal for her, so she relaxed once more. Her employer did appeal for her, but to Penelope’s horrified surprise, the appeal wa. dismissed on the ground that Penelope was not doing essential work.. There seemed to be no escape. The grim war-machine had snatched Penelope from her comfortable chair, and now there was no escape for her. She spent her few remaining days .crushing cigarettes between her nervous fingers and attending a frantic round of farewell parties. "Hopelessly unfit," was the doctor’s verdict. The X-ray revealed Penelope's lungs to be completely covered with a thick layer of nicotine. In addition, her tongue was furry and her muscles were flaccid, and she was suffering from a

mild form of alcoholic poisoning. "No use to us," said the authorities. So Penelope went back to her comfortable office chair. But not, for long. Penelope had forgotten there was to be an Air Raid Rehearsal for her district, or she would undoubtedly have stayed at home. The siren screamed, and with dozens of others, she was justled out of the building and hurried along the steep road out of town. In vain she begged to be allowed to fall out, in vain she tried to scuttle into nearby buildings and escape the ruthless eye of the warden. But always he forced her onward and upward. The others raced merrily up the slope ahead of her, enjoying the bright sunshine and the freedom of the open air. For the first time in her

life Penelope regretted the hours she had spent in cabarets and picture-shows when she might have been indulging ig healthful exercise. She did not know how she finally redthed the top of the hill. She only knew that immediately she got there the All Clear sounded, and she had to come down again, * * Eg SHE got back into the building somehow. Another sound rent the air. The Alert again? It was, and this time the Real Thing. Excited but confident, the others formed into a crocodile and marched out of the building singing "God Defend New Zealand." Penelope fell in at the tail. They reached the pavement. She could go no farther--

she was too exhausted. She crouched in the gutter. The ‘planes came over. Something dropped from one, and landed near Penelope. She screamed. Her heart stopped beating. It never started again, in spite of Artificial Respiration. Death from shock, was the Doctor’s verdict. Pity she couldn’t know it was only a bundle of leaflets being dropped. Naturally, people were very upset about Penelope, But as everybody pointed out, you can’t afford to be sene timental these days, there’s q war\on, And after all, it wasn’t as if poor Penelope had been a Vital Pait of our

National Effort.

M.

B.