THREE MEN IN A "HOUSEWIVES' QUIZ"

New Zealand Listener, Volume 6, Issue 131, 26 December 1941, Page 43

THREE MEN IN A "HOUSEWIVES' QUIZ"

* Domestic Science At Station 2ZB ’M what is known as a handy man about the house. I get up early and make cups of tea for everybody; at week-ends I work like anything in our kitchen garden and on occasions, such as when my Aunt Elizabeth was confined to bed with a fractured tibia, I have been kndéwn to cook a four-course dinner, complete with all the trimmings. "He’s handy to have about the house, isn’t he?" my friends say, and the more ribald of them will sigh and say, "If he could only cook." Well, the laugh is on them, now. Just to show how much I do know about domestic science, I went along the other day to Anne Howard’s Housewives’ Quiz session at 2ZB, answered all the questions correctly, and took away a large box of groceries. There were two other men in the class and neither of them did nearly as well as I did. My parcel of groceries included six eggs, a pound of bacon, a pound of butter, a pound of margarine, a packet

of toilet soap, a packet of washing soap, a packet of soap powder, a tin of oysters, a tin of tomatoes, a big tin of jam and a tin of fruit, a pound of tea, a tin of condensed milk, and four packets of cigarettes. And if that’s not sufficient material for a, bang-up dinner, I’m no cook. There is Anne Howard in the studio and the three of us who are competing, a Mr. Spender, a Mr. Priest, and myself, and there is also a big audience of women outside watching us through a glass window and hoping we will make asses of ourselves. A pile of grocery parcels is in front of us, and the idea is that when we can’t answer a question we forfeit a parcel, and then at the end the " winner takes his own parcels and all the forfeited ones as well.

The first question is, "What part of an oyster is indigestible and should be cut away before you eat it?" Mr. Priest very sensibly says the shell, but that won’t do, and somebody else says the muscle, but that’s not right either, and finally Mr. Priest has to give in and forfeit a parcel. It turns out to be the beard that is indigestible. All About Windows Then it’s my turn, and I’m asked, "Why shouldn’t you clean windows when the sun is shining on them?" I know this immediately, because I always clean the windows at our place, and before you can say cut-my-throat-with-a-carving-knife I rattle out "Because they’ll dry all streaky." So I retain all my groceries inthe meantime, and everybody looks envious and there is mild applause. Mr. Spender comes next. He is asked how he would make a fire if he had no kindling wood, and he must have been

a Boy Scout or something, for after a certain amount of frivolous by-play he says roll up newspapers into ‘tight bundles, which, of course, is correct. The gong goes for the next round. "What is meant by grilling and what is meant by steaming?" Mr. Priest is asked. He stumbles over the answer, but he appears to have an elementary knowledge of these processes, and Anne Howard is kind and helpful, so he is allowed to keep his parcel. My next question is how long should an egg be boiled if it is put in cold water. A nice, easily-digested, softboiled egg? I ask. Yes, says Anne Howard. Three minutes, I reply, though: personally I like my eggs hardboiled. And I ring the bell again. "Small Buckshot "" Mr. Spender is asked what is caviare? and, although he says it looks like small buckshot and that it comes from a fish and it is the roe of a fish, he can’t for

the life of him think what fish. Having once eaten it in mistake for something else, and gone to some trouble to find out what it was that tasted so unpleasantly, I knew the answer immediately. Mr. Priest is asked how to make a good cup of tea, and he has most of the answer right, although he slips badly in preferring a metal tea-pot to a china one. Then it’s my turn again, and I’m asked what precaution I would take if I were knocking a nail in wood which was likely to split. I would bore a hole first, I say, and that annoys Miss Howard, because it isn’t what she is getting at. I know the answer, but just to be provocative I suggest again that if the wood were going to split I would use a screw. But before she can throw anything at me I give the right answer, which is rub the nail with oil-or grease or soap. Rice is Right My final question is what is the main ingredient of a curried dish, and refraining from annoying Miss Howard by saying curry, I say rice, which is correct, although I once made a very fine curry which nearly lifted. the top off my head and it didn’t have . grain of rice in it at all. The others are iia. shaky on the answers to their final questions. Mr. Spender doesn’t know what a haggis is, and I can’t really blame him, and Mr. Priest dithers over what drink to give an unconscious person, the answer being none. The session finishes with everyone, including Anne Howard, exhausted and myself the winner. My pile of parcels is still intact, and, in addition, I collect the pool which represents the combined culinary ignorance of Mr. Priest and Mr. Spender. In the eyes of the audience outside the studio I’can see respect and admiration, but I hesitate to go and receive their congratulations for fear I am inundated with proposals of ‘marriage. Anybody care to come to dinner at. my house next Sunday?

A.B.

F.

7 aa Kitchen Quiz OR some months Anne Howard has been conducting her quizzes fot housewives (the " Kitchen Quiz," the "Question Market" and the " Housewives’ Jackpot") with the assistance of women competitors, but a week or two ago she introduced variety into the "Question Market" by testing men competitors on their knowledge of household lore. Needless to say, there has been a g00d deal of amusement. Perhaps the most surprising answer came from a+ young man who, when asked how he would make sure that bath water was at the tight temperature for a baby, replied that he has never given the matter much thought, but he supposed that he would put the baby in and then if it turned red the water would be too hot.