The Villain of the Piece

New Zealand Listener, Volume 5, Issue 120, 10 October 1941, Page 5

The Villain of the Piece

OW, I'm going to plead guilty to a very sad affair in which I played — unconsciously — the part of the villain. It was an outdoor function — a turning of the first sod to be exact, and it was a bitterly cold day with a biting wind blowing. My special job on this occasion was to give certain signals to the different bands as to when one ofr other of them was to start playing. I had already been informed that the speeches were to be very short. After the first speaker had completed riding the high horse of oratory for five minutes-a long time on a cold and frosty morning — he stopped evidently to give emphasis to a point in his oration. I, on the other hand, imagined that he had finished, so I waved my handkerchief and the band blasted fortissimo into "Land of Hope and Glory." With the band against him the speaker decided to bow

to the inevitable and so he sat — down, The next speaker got away to a pood start and in his case I was rather interested in what he was saying. Unfortunately for him I found it necessary to blow my nose-the next band saw my handkerchief and mistook it for their signal to commence and let the world know that’ they knew how to play " Hearts of Oak." The next

two speakers were not to be caught napping and established something in the way of world records for the speed at which they talked — and got through unscathed. Then came the grand finale. Somebody was speaking with a deep-throated voice. He was if nothing else an orator. He not only used his voice for he used his arms to great advantage

also, The more he warmed to his subject the more he gesticulated with his arms. As a result of all this energy, his handkerchief, which he had parked up his sleeve, flew out. The poor fellow had unconsciously sounded his own death knell for the bandmaster seeing the handkerchief, mistook it for the appointed signal and accordingly brought the function to a clase by playing the National Anthem. The people referred to the ceremony as being "refreshingly brief, with speeches reduced to a minimum.-(" Just Characteristic,’ by Major Lampen, 2YA.)