LISTENINGS

New Zealand Listener, Volume 5, Issue 113, 22 August 1941, Page 15

LISTENINGS

Perpetrated and illustrated by

KEN

ALEXANDER

BENITO CALLING!

whom he was lending to Hitler, Mussolini finished with: "He who hesitates is lost." If Mussolini had hesitated before making his Mussalliance with Hitler, he might not have proved such a dead loss to himself as he is. What he should have said to his mortgaged minions was, "It’s a long loan that has no re-turning," or ig a recent peroration to his troops,

"The pan is mightier than the sword"; and Musso should know — he has been "panned" so often. A few other addled adages, more suitable to Musso’s muddle, are "All is not told that jitters,’ "Booty is only skin deep,’ "A muss is as good as a mile," "More hates less speed," and "What is home without a mouther?" Why Musso continues to bluff himself is a musstery. Adolf has bluffed him so often that he should be known as "Benito the bilked."" Musso expected to ride in the band waggon, but got a seat on the white elephant instead.

He hoped for the fruits of victory, ae plucked the grapes of wrath. He drew a pretty picture of himself-and Hitler "framed" it. He thought he was a livewire, but was earthed in the desert. He anticipated a seat among the mighty but got a back bench among the muddy. He thought he would rule in glory, and doesn’t even rule in Italy. In spouting "He who hesitates is lost," Musso proves that he doesn’t know the difference between a prophet and a loss. Few prophets reap honour from their own country but, if honour were food, Musso would die of malnutrition, murmuring, "Oh dearth where’ is thy sting?’"? Musso thought he would find the booty that was Greece. But, by the time Hitler had finished his mopping-up, Musso’s army of occupation found it a full-time occupation trying to reconcile broadcasts with bread crusts: Meanwhile, the Germans were nig a bit of mopping-up in Italy.

Their motto was "When in Rome do as the Germans do." In consequence, eating is fast becoming a lost art among Italians, Even Mussolini has given up trying to get a bite and sup in restautants since he was mistaken for a waiter. And when the Gestapo is not goosestepping all over the best hotels, it is dogging Italians over the scenery and clapping them in irons if they murmur, "Viva da steaka-da-on!" But Mussolini still acts like a hen with a china egg. Herr Mussolini doesn’t know when he is beaten. Neither does an egg. Writing to Hitler recently, he said: " Dear Adolf, I am with you tothe last ditch." To which Hitler, evidently in despondent mood, replied from the Russian front, "The way things are going, we'll be in it together." The indefatigable Musso persisted, ‘Dear Adolf, bear up and remember that ‘he who hesitates is lost.’ " Adolf, in the middle of his third push, replied, "Don’t be so darned silly. A rolling stone gathers no muss. Lend me your fur coat for the winter. Yours hesitantly, Adolf."