LiSTENiNGS

New Zealand Listener, Volume 4, Issue 92, 28 March 1941, Page 15

LiSTENiNGS

Perpetrated and illustrated by KEN. ALEXANDER

ADOLF’S WAR OF NERVES

his war of nerves in the Balkans now. But his Jitterblitz so far has not been as successful as he expected. Every Jitterblitz has its blow-back; jitter-bugs are built on the boomerang plan. We cannot say how Adolf is standing the strain, for in the Reich "all that jitters is not told." But let’s investigate. ig is reported that Hitler is waging

To reach the raj of the Reich we descend twenty feet underground between ranks of Gestapos in mufti, iron guards gone rusty and Brown Shirts turned musty. Finally we find Hitler discussing the war of nerves with Ribbentrop. Says Hitler, tearing at the end of his tie with his teeth, "My w-war of n-nerves in the B-Balkans? How is it g-g-going? And stop fiddling with your hat, Ribbentrop! You know how it gets on my G-string. Now, tell me — Himmel, Blitz Himmel! What’s that? Another of those riff — R.A.F. bombings! They’re after me! They’re ... ." "Calm yourself, Fuhrer, It’s only the mice nibbling at the iron rations." "Curse the mice! Put the Gestapo on to them! They’re probably in the pay of Churchill. Sabotage, sabotage — always sabotage. Now — my w-war of nerves — how’s it going?"

"Excellent, Fuhrer. We’ve got troops drawn up along everybody’s frontier and, just to make a bird of it, Goering makes faces over their borders every morning. He has got the Turks shaking." "Yes, yes; but what are they shaking with? He got the British shaking, too — but not with fear I fear. This war of nerves! Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth the strain. The Greeks? Have they got the wind up yet?" "Oh yes, Fuhrer. They’ve got the wind up Mussolini good and proper." + "Blockhead! I didn’t mean that. Have I s-s-shattered their nerves? --- Good Lord! A barrage right overhead! I told the fools not to fire near my dugout, It attracts attention." "It’s all right, Excellency, It’s only my heart beating." "Well, stop-it! Stop it, I tell you! Coming in here with hearts beating all over the place so I can scarcely hear myself scream! I won’t have my war of nerves disturbed by heart-beats and mice and things. Perfect Bedlam! Pass my war-of-nerves tonic. I’ve got nerves of iron, as you know. That’s why they jangle." "Yes, Fuhrer, I notice that you are slightly rattled," "Tl break everyone’s nerves, even if I have to rattle like a field kitchen,"

"You can’t beat a good war of nerves, Fuhrer. It was a grand idea of yours." "Yes, yes, But don’t keep harping on it. You know how harping gets on my nerves. If they think they can f-frighten me they’re w-wrong. Anyway, whose war of nerves is it? I thought of it first — the curs! Is Goebbels telling everybody that I am grim and determined and c-calm? Calm — that’s right — I must keep calm. Damn it, Ribbentrop, I wish you’d stop gnawing at my tie, Oh — sorry!" The door is opened timidly. An attendant announces, "Excellency, a visitor! Herr Doktor the brain specialist — by appointment."