LISTENINGS

New Zealand Listener, Volume 4, Issue 91, 21 March 1941, Page 17

LISTENINGS

Perpetrated and illustrated by

KEN.

ALEXANDER

Every Hun A Hitler

T is reported that a Nazi airman, brought down in England, warned his captors that they had better treat him with courtesy because the Fuhrer would be taking England in a few days and would punish them if they were rough.

If this is typical, the. question arises whether the captive Germans have captured England or whether England has captured the captives. A pretty point. Thus, Flight-Lieutenant Blitzblitzen who has come a thud in Somerset: "So this is decadent England! I the forerunner am of the great Nazi invading forces. Heil! I declare England capiured. I will proceed at once to eccupy your capital city and make all ready to receive the great illustrious Fuhrer. Let me see; the time is now three-thirty. The Fuhrer will be here at five-ten, That is the instruction issued to us every morning, so it must be right. Take me at once to your demoralised and decadent Winston Churchill and your stupid communder-in-chief who is too silly to know when he is beaten!" The rustic home guardsman is so stupid, like all the British, that he does not realise that England has been taken. Says he: "Aye. Thee be tellin’ me! Thee bain’t Itler-thee looks not quite daft enough. Thee be not Goorin’ for he be like my pig Lizzie. But thee must be dafter than both." "A broclamation I have here," says Blitzblitzen. "The Fuhrer himself has issued it to all airmen so that each in turn England can take when he crashes. With so many Nazi fighters descending on your despicable soil every day, it is difficult to know why England cannot realise that she has been taken a thousand times. Bah! It is too stupid! Here the broclamation is. "To all in

England, Scotland, Wales, America and all lands north and south of the Equator! Let it be known that Flight Lieutenant Blitzblitzen, on behalf of

Adolf Hitler, the Conqueror of the World, the Ruler of Humanity, the Dictator of the Universe and neighbouring Constellations, is authorised to occupy England until the Great Fuhrer arrives to administer his well known justice. The conquered people of England are hereby warned to treat Flight Lieutenant Blitzblitzen with the greatest courtesy as the advance agent of the greatest civilisation that has ever laid waste a continent. I, Adolf, will arrive on my axis later. How much later I cannot say. In the meantime, Blitzblitzen will occupy Buckingham Palace and Whitehall, take over the sunken British

Fleet, immobilise the smashed air force, and disarm the armless army. Heil the Reich!" "Aye," says the rustic. "They be mighty purty words, they be. If they had sense, they would be real good. Come thou wi’ me, my purty conquering cock." "Ach, this paltry building! It is. suit» able for a boverty-stricken democracy. A-S-Y-L-U-M. I understand not your pig spelling. But I will rule from here, It is well." "Aye! This is the place from which all Nazis rule. Make eeself at ’ome, zur, *Itler will be along zoon."