LISTENINGS

New Zealand Listener, Volume 4, Issue 89, 7 March 1941, Page 14

LISTENINGS

Perpetrated and illustrated by

KEN.

ALEXANDER

THE AWFUL TRUTH

ITLER’S recent request to America for a line on how Americans regard him and his was a great success — for America. It cost Hitler £2700 a day for a few days to see himself as others see him-probably the most costly smack in the eye ever recorded. ae

The German radio truly spilt the beans when it broadcast that a great number of Americans appear to be not among Germany’s most ardent admirers. No doubt Adolf is puzzled by such lack of understanding, and is complaining. "What an unfriendly place is this world, Goebbels! ’Pon my word, the old bon homme and dook-as-dook-can appears to be astoundingly absent. Can you understand it?" "It’s remarkable," says Goebbels. "Here we are, simply trying to leave the world a better and brighter place, and they practically tell us that the world will be a brighter and better place when we leave it. Seems kind of unfriendly to me." "It must be jealousy," sighs Hitler. "We try to make everyone happy, with never a thought of personal gain-ex-cept of course, world domination and small perks of that kind-and our

humanity is repaid by nasty cablessome of them in Yiddish, too. An insult in English is bad, but in Yiddish it is a real back-hander." "Don’t worry,’ comforts Goebbels. "When you are dead, they will realise your worth. In fact, it’s amazing how many there are who say that you would be better dead." "That’s no good to me," says Hitler. "I like to stay on top of the territory I occupy. Besides, dead men sell no tales," "It is getting harder to pitch a good one," agrees Goebbels. "A great deal of the old trust and credulity seems to have gone out of the world. Fiction certainly has slumped. Foreigners won’t even believe a good lie now." "I have always craved friendliness," sighs Hitler. "Dislike makes people suspicious of good works, and keeps them alert. If they are chummy, I can get behind them with half a brick while they are shouting ‘Good old Adolf!’ I don’t know that it was such a sound idea, asking America what she thinks of us. Optimism is all right, but it can be carried too far. "Oh, well, it could have been worse," says Goebbels. "I can scarcely believe it," doubts Hitler. "How so?" "We might have asked England what she thinks of us." :

Had Hitler asked England, the reply would probably have read: "Sir, "Your request for my honest opinion of you places far too great a strain on the mother tongue; I must refrain from putting the language to such an impossible test. But I must say, sir, that T will regard it as my privilege, whenever and wherever we meet, to knock you down and to keep on knocking you down until you are permanently prostrate. In conclusion, I can do no better than say,

with the Western Brothers, ‘Play the zZame, you cads, play the game!’"