MEET MR. KNOW-ALL

New Zealand Listener, Volume 4, Issue 87, 21 February 1941, Page 8

MEET MR. KNOW-ALL

By

KAYE

GOULD

DON’T hate easily, but there are times when one must hate. To-day, for instance, under the influence of war, I take great pleasure in a cordial hatred of three persons — Adolf the Austrian ex-artist (sometimes known as the Fuehrer), the "Dooce" (the one still above ground), and last, but by no means least, Mr. Knowall alias Know-better-than-the-BBC alias .... (well, perhaps that one’s unprintable). The first two people mentioned have had a good deal of publicity lately, and most, I think, will agree that my dislike is far from unreasonable; but the third line of my "hymn of hate," Mr. Know-all, perhaps needs explanation. And "not without relish," as Mr. Churchill puts it, I give it. Mr. Know-all knows better than (to use his own words) "the stereotyped boomings of Daventry." He knows much better. Mr. Know-all, broad-minded, deep-thinking internationalist, goes to the "radio stations of the world" for his War news. Now, for half-truths, exaggerated rumours, and lies (simple, compound, black-and-white) give me "the radio stations of the world"-Mr. Know-all’s "world," which, by some strange freak of geogtaphy, has reduced itself to a mere handful of countries-most of them Germancontrolled. But the mere fact of listening in the above manner isn’t enough to condemn Mr. Know-all to the lowest circle of my particular hell; it’s his attitude afterwards, when, conscious of his impartiality ("the British race is narrow, insular"), and armed with his "international statements" (more simply, "lies"), he sets himself up as a sort of anti-BBC, ‘broadcasting on the theory that there’s a@ fool born every minute. "Oh, Yeah?" You tell him that the latest Air Ministry communiqué says that we have brought down 20 German ’planes today, and lost four of our fighters. He says: "Oh yeah?" You say: "Surely you don’t believe those German lies that all their ’planes returned safely? Why, not so long ago Daventry quoted the squadron numbers and details of the German ‘planes shot down, just to refute the German claims that they'd only lost three, I think it was, when the number was really much higher." : He says: "Granted they were caught out that day, but what about our claims,

these last nights, that all our ’planes returned safely from their night raids over Germany? I don’t believe that." You say: "Why not? I see no reason to doubt our Air Ministry’s figures. They’ve not told lies to date. You can't deny that. And what reason would they have to conceal our bomber losses? Since the ’planes are lost over Germany, Germany must know them. And the British man-in-the-street’s morale isn’t likely to nosedive just because five bombers or so have sacrificed themselves over Germany." He says: "I believe different. The other night when we said none of our bombers were lost, Rome radio said that four had been brought down." You say: "Lies, dago variety." He says: "Oh yeah?" And you are back where you started. You then either walk off muttering imprecations, or crack him one — a good one-on the jaw: and the second method, though so tempting, is looked on as assault in New Zealand. So all one can do is to walk off. Verbal Assault As the verbal method of assault is our only way to deal with Mr. Know-all, I append below some typical assertions

from the Know-all repertoire and the proper responses on your part. (Keep calm, keep your fist off his jaw, this article in your pocket, and Mr. Know-all is three parts routed). The following concerns air raid damage — a favourite topic with Mr. Knowall. KNOW-ALL (gloomily: They (meaning, I presume, the Ministry of Home Security and the BBC), aren’t telling us everything. Look at the photos in the papers lately. London’s an awful mess. YOU: But they only photograph the bits that have beer hit. Who’d be interested in the undamaged parts? They look pretty much the same as they did in 1938 or 1937 — no news value at all.

Besides, Mr. Churchill, who ought to know the inside of the situation, says that it’ll take ten years to destroy half the houses in London, at the present rate. . KNOW-ALL: I heard that the docks of a certain east coast town Were a shambles, utterly useless. The BBC had nothing to say about it. BBC Wasn't Biting YOU: Because the BBC wasn’t biting. The Germans, or Italians, put out that statement to see if Daventry would affirm or deny it. If the BBC had admitted the damage it would have played right into the Nazis’ hands. If the BBC had denied it then the Germans would have been straight back for another crack. And talking about acknowledging damage, if you only listened to the BBC, you’d realise that they do acknowledge itonly, for obvious reasons, not mentioning its exact whereabouts. For instance, a raid on Birmingham in which a factory was destroyed, would be described as "a raid on a Midland city. High explosive and incendiary bombs were dropped. Considerable damage was done to industrial premises." KNOW-ALL: But why not mention the name of the factory and city? The enemy must know it. YOU: That’s just what they don’t, at night. If they know what town they’re over — and sometimes they obviously don’t — they claim to have hit any factories they knew to be in that town before the war broke out. The BBC don’t deny it. If the Germans think that the fire they started in a block of flats is burning out an aircraft factory, well and good. That destroyed factory will be able to produce in welcome peace, By the time you reach this speech, Mr. Know-all will have remembered an urgent appointment. Don’t detain him, Let him go with your blessing in the shape of a few well-chosen words on "doing Hitler’s dirty work by spreading untrustworthy information, etc." You might even call him by his proper name. (see para. 1, line 12.)