LISTENINGS

New Zealand Listener, Volume 4, Issue 85, 7 February 1941, Page 13

LISTENINGS

Perpetrated and illustrated by

KEN

ALEXANDER

MuSsSO’Ss MUDDLE EAST

FEW weeks ago Mr. Winston A Churchill warned Mussolini that his African empire would be torn to tatters. Since then General Wavell has carried out a ripping campaign and Musso is practically nonsuited in Libya. His pants are short and painful, and the tail of his coat has been trodden on so often that it is known as the door-mat of North Africa, but it hasn’t got " welcome" on it. The British are constantly storming the breeches in his defence, and even the Rome radio takes off its hat to British achievement, all of which leaves Musso just about stripped to the shorts. It is not a comic strip for the Duce. Strip poker is not unknown to the Aussies, and Italian prisoners are so numerous that there may be something in the suggestion that the Aussies win and lose batches of them at poker. Anyway, Private Bilabong, writing home after Bardia, says: "Had a bonzer game of poker last night, won three Italian generals, a camp kitchen, and two armoured divisions on four aces and a king; a bloke bet Mussolini on a dud hand and lost. He said it would

probably take him a day or two to collect Musso, so he offered an I.0.U., but I accepted a mule and a coloured batman, which everyone reckoned was a generous substitute." It is said that great numbers of Italians are so anxious to be captured that they almost impede the attack by rushing out in a body to shake hands with the attackers. It is rumoured that their battle songs are " Call Me Back, Pal o’ Mine" and "It’s a Hap, Hap, Happy Day." If Mussolini were a man of logic he would write to General Wavell, saying, "Dear General: Seeing that you have taken two-thirds of my Libyan forces while Graziani holds only one-third you are the logical Head Man in Libya. As you will soon have the lot, including Gregiani, I hereby appoint you com-

mander-in-chief of my Italian forces. By combining the two armies you may be able to save me from my dear pal, Hitler -blast him! Seeing that you took Sidi Barrani, Bardia, and Tobruk from the Italians surely you can take Brindisi, Naples, and Milan from the Germans, not that I don’t still think I’m a pretty bono tactician. If you had given me another six months I would have got somewhere-even if it were only back to Italy. But those Australianos who jump like kangaroonos! They hop de fences. Italy is not what it was. These Germans-they say, ‘When in Rome do as Berlin does.’ Hoping to see you march on Rome soon. If you don’t march in I will have to march out. To Heil with Hitler!-Yours very muzzily, Muzzo." And there’s many a true word --, Jest so!