ON HEDGES

New Zealand Listener, Volume 4, Issue 80, 3 January 1941, Page 42

ON HEDGES

By

DORIAN

SAKER

fore this morning how much trouble could be saved by a little ingenuity and humanitarianism. Our hedge is an unending nuisance; in fact it is the bane of my life. I am always tinkering at it, either with clippers, with shears, or even, on occasions, with a sharp pocket-knife, but never yet has it ever looked like a hedge, that is, like a hedge of the traditional English type. And yet this morning I saw a solution to all my difficulties. A Hindu’s bottle-cart was drawn into the gutter, and his horse was standing in the middle of the footpath, eating the leaves of a taupata hedge. And what a hedge! It looked as if it had been trimmed by using a microscopic vernier! But only in the region accessible to the nag. Elsewhere it was ten times worse than mine has ever been. For some people are regrettably careless about hedges. The City Council lays down beautiful swards all through an avenue, and then trees are planted, which, if they. survive the attacks of small boys, grow into hardy forest giants. And yet how often do we see the sward left to grow into a jungle? And how ugly it is. The Problem But the question still remains, how is the visit of the Hindu’s horse to be conveniently arranged? Obviously I cannot go up to the Hindu saying: "Please Sun-jaw-hat do you think you could starve your horse until he arrives at my hedge- and could you make it convenient to pass every Tuesday?" He might reply that his horse always seemed to be in a state of starvation, | T had never occurred to me be-

but I know that I have seen horses quite close to a luscious-looking hedge and yet they have nobly refrained from cropping it. And he might well ask what remuneration would he have for this favour he was conferring on me. " Have Mister any bottle, any sack-old clothes?" As I am strictly a teetotaller, and an unbeliever in patent medicines, I would have to answer that I could not promise a weekly supply of bottles. As for old clothes, we give them to the Patriotic Societies. The position seems to be hopeless. And the trouble is, or would be that Scott at the end of the road, whose hedge is the worst I have ever seen, would certainly notice things, and since he drinks like an oyster, he could easily bribe the Hindu to stop near his hedge. "Dear Horse..." But would it be a good idea to attract the notice of the horse himself in some way? Would a notice do? " Dear horse, this hedge is specially planted and grown for your edification. Use it!" Or this: "This hedge is flavoured with chaff and oats every morning." But if I did this I feel sure that every horse would be attracted to such a delicacy, and not only would there be no hedge left, but I should get into trouble with all the drivers for causing their animals to go astray. I’m afraid I can’t think of a way out, but if you, with your greater mental capacity, can conceive of a way, please let me know. Our hedge is in such a mess.