LISTENINGS

New Zealand Listener, Volume 4, Issue 79, 27 December 1940, Page 15

LISTENINGS

Perpetrated and illustrated by

KEN

ALEXANDER

NOT SO MERRY CHRISTMAS

HERE are signs that Christmas will be not so merry for Musso--the-mug-of-the-Med and Adolf-the-mummer-of-Munich. And it was to have been such a jolly whirl on the axis! Adolf was to have held a beerblitz in Buckingham Palace while Musso was to have thrown a macaroni-munch in the Abbey. After which they were to have marched on Trafalgar Square, where they had planned to present each other with Christmas trees, skilfully disguised tributes of mutual distrust, and signed photographs of themselves looking as jolly as a pair of buck stoats. Then they were to have blown up Nelson’s Monument-after cutting the tails off the lions-and to have driven off, arm in arm, to the Christmas executions on Tower Hill. It was to have been a real old-fashioned Christmas. But something slipped. And, after all, you can’t beat a Christmas at home. The viands will be simple. Musso has a good roast coming to him in Greece, he is getting beans in North Africarunner beans-and his hopes are in the soup at home. He did hope for a slice of Turkey and a French roll; but Turkey kept her head and the French roll rolled the wrong way. It is expected that he will try to get out of Africa by disguising himself as Santa Claus. This is his only chance.

Adolf’s Christmas menu will be nuts -just plain "nuts!" Christmas greetings between the dictators will be more terse than usual on account of the shortage of ink and temper. Adolf’s card will be a sincere "May you get everything that’s coming to you." Musso will reply with a simple "Et tu, Brute!" Their Christmas broadcasts to their people won’t be so Yuletidey as usual. One can’t make the heart to swell with

air alone or ring the welkin on an empty stomach. It simply won’t ring. There will be more references to pull-' ing up socks than hanging up stockings. Musso will say with just pride, "I have grand news for you. Italy is well in the running and nothing but complete loss of breath can stop her.‘ Everything is running to plan. Our armies are running beyond expectations and are determined to run until they drop. Our good ally, Germany, need not worry about us. We can keep on running indefinitely without her help. So be of good cheer this Christmas and remember that a light diet is good for a runner. Keep your chin up. No! On second thoughts, someone may take a poke at it. If our armies can’t march to victory, may they sprint to safety." Adolf will spend his Christmas in the cellars of Berchtesgaden, where he will, as usual, stand under the mistletoe — after it has been searched for bombs and death adders. His broadcast will be as short as the people’s rations. But he will say, "Bear up, mein beoples. Blenty of food there iss-even if you have not noticed it. All we want now is peace and plenty -and we want it plenty! Heil Father Christmas!"