LISTENINGS

New Zealand Listener, Volume 3, Issue 76, 6 December 1940, Page 19

LISTENINGS

Perpetrated and illustrated by

KEN.

ALEXANDER

IN A GLASS DARKLY

BBC commentator asks, A "What is Hitlers next move?" Nobody knows — not even Hitler. Maybe he is consulting the oracle. We see him entering the precincts of the soothsayer, Professor Boloneywitz: Says Hitler: "I want the truth, Boloneywitz." "Mein Heavens! Things must be bad, mein Fuhrer," murmurs the professor.

"I have come to see what the future holds," snaps Hitler, chewing his fringe savagely. "Ah, the Fuhrer is brave. Mein best I will do. But the crystal acts strangely these days. Visions float across the scene -ah, so beau-ti-ful-black puddings, sirloins and saveloys, fat geese in brown gravy; it is difficult to see anything else; but I will try. Ah-if seeing was believing!" "But why the square crystal? Isn’t a globe more usual?" asks the Fuhrer. "For ignorant simples, yes; but for Your Excellency to whom truth has more sides than foundations we will need at least six looks. It used to be said that truth will out; but that was before Goebbels and the Gestapo took a hand. Let us take a dekko at the portents.

Hm! A mist-or is it smoke? Pardon, Excellency, while I brush this ham out of the picture. But, look you, did you ever see such a ham? Note the lambent aura of fat that haunts it, get an eyeful of that meaty texture, as delicate as the cheek of a Friesian milkmaid! What is ambition, what is conquest, whathm, yes! The future--. I was carried away, sort of hamstrung by the moment. But what is this? Another ham? No-yes, it’s Signor Mussolini. He is running. A mob pursues him. Are they Greeks? Are they British? No-by golly!-they are Italians. He has dived into the Mediterranean. He hasn’t come up. Now I wonder what all that means." "Never mind," says Hitler. "He was never in the swim anyway. What else ee you see?" " Patience, ‘Excellency. Something else is coming up. Ach! This is strange. It is a big wire trap-and a large rat speeds round and round seeking a way out; and-but, no, no, Excellency! You won't like this a bit." "Tell me!" shouts Hitler. "The rat is Churchfil?" "Forgive me, Fuhrer. I cannot tell a lie: The rat is you." "Go on, curse you!" yells Hitler. "You can see that it has been a very nice, big, strong rat but it has grown thin through too much diplomatic exercise, Also it has eaten nearly all the cheese in the trap and is growing weak. It doesn’t look a happy rat at all. It is trying to force its way between the bars."