LISTENINGS

New Zealand Listener, Volume 3, Issue 64, 13 September 1940, Page 9

LISTENINGS

Perpetrated and illustrated by

KEN.

ALEXANDER

FIFTH COLUMN

ISTENERS to the BBC have been warned to make themselves perfectly acquainted

with the voices of regular announcers so that, in dire circumstances, they would be able to detect impersonation by enemy agents. For example, should listeners hear a voice announcing, " Here der newss issja!", they should regard the broadcast with a degree of suspicion or, at least, treat it with reserve. Should the announcer continue, " England beaten iss-blime! by yingo!", and

go on to say, "For what use iss it to fight any more the nice German cousins who only peace and happiness wants and kindness for all peoples who to gentle Herr Hitler obeys-not ’arf. I don’t fink!", then the listener should ponder on the advisability of checking up on the announcer. If the broadcast persists with, "Der Windsor Schloss under brotection iss by kind German soldiers and Herr Winston Churchill says, ‘Your arms lay down, boyss-ja! For what use iss it to fight der brave gentle soldiers of der Reichstrewth!" In such case the listener should not dismiss any possible suspicion of foul play too lightly. In fact, doubt might be definitely established should the announcer proceed with, "Der fleet defeated iss by der glorious German navy-dis der tenth time iss that der Hood, der Rebulse and der Renown ‘sunken haff been; der Air Forces Royal in their hangout stay, saying, ‘Der good Herman Goering to England would not harm; der rascally Duff

Cooper it iss who bombs drop on Eng~' lish babies to make der gbod English der good Germans to hate. Der King Gott save! Ja! You're delling me!’" It may be laid down as a rule that any of the following remarks made by announcer should prompt the listener to doubt his sincerity: "Gott strafe Winston Churchill," "Der tag hass gome," " Heil Hitler," or "T’heil with Dommy Adkins!" Especially is this so’ if such utterances are accompanied by heavy breathing through the nose like a plug-hole in pain. * 1 * There is, however, one particular announcement we would love to hear over the air. It would run something like this: — " A man was arrested to-day in the Tower of London under suspicious circumstances. He was discovered -trying to estimate the dimensions of the Coronation Crown with a_ tape measure. He spoke with a _ strong foreign accent and gave his name as Wiffler or Jittler. It was difficult to understand him as he kept bursting into tears. He is being held for questioning. There is a strong suspicion that the man is not quite sane.