STATIC

New Zealand Listener, Volume 2, Issue 29, 12 January 1940, Page 6

STATIC

A CLERGYMAN says that betting is merely getting something for nothing. We beg to differ. We usually get nothing for something. * * * WW HAT brought you here? Two policemen. Drunk, I suppose? Yes; both of them. * * * HERE’S a Scotsman who signs all telegrams he sends his girl Xerxes. In this way he gets in two kisses without paying for them. i * * * HAVE known malingerers in the army who were positive geniuses," say a medical officer. An infinite capacity for faking pains. * Eo % bE ‘T HE modern car is as quiet as a mouse," states a motorist. And even that occasional squeak is probably only a pedestrian. * * * TRAVELLING grand opera.company was fogbound in the English Midlands and when the weather cleared they found that their charabanc was within a few yards of a coffee-stall. A good pull-up for Carmen! * * * ‘MALL boy’s first remark on entering his billet (under the English evacuation scheme) in a Cheshire village: Well, if I had known I was coming to a nice house like this I'd have brought my watch. * * k A CLERGYMAN thinks that newspapers should publish only good news. Come, come! How could we do without our newspapers? * Ed * } ERE’S your whisky. Would you like a glass of water as well? Not half as well. * % * " . . The two aged sofas are still at their posts in the Foreign O%ice and are likely to be still there when the war is over."-Article in " The Listener." No, little Audrey, this does not refer to Mr. Chamberlain and Mr. Churchill, though they have frequently been sat on. Pa * * Do you know any war songs? Only the Wedding March.