STATIC

New Zealand Listener, Volume 2, Issue 28, 5 January 1940, Page 6

STATIC

GOOD-CONDUCT patient from a mental hospital not far from Wellington was allowed one day a week in the city. Attendants were anxious to know how he enjoyed his first day’s outing. He'd had a grand time. "Did you go to the Exhibition?" they asked. "Oh, yes. 1 spent the day -there." "What did you think of it?" "Grand, what I saw of it." "But what did you do?" "Oh, I spent most of the day in the Crazy House. It’s a wonderful place." B a * HE drill sergeant was instructing the new recruits. "This is a new war -. everything's changed,"’ he was telling them. " There’s no more shouting and yelling. Everything is to be done Qguietly. When I raise my finger and beckon to you, like this (illustrating with a crooked forefinger) it means that I want you to come towards me." "That's fine, sergeant," said the Cockney volunteer. ‘"‘And when I shakes my ‘ead, like this, it means that I ain't coming, see." RESIDENT ROOSEVELT is reported to have been asked by a member of his family, after attending church, what the preacher had preached about. "Sin," said the President laconically. His questioner ‘endeavoured to pursue the matter further. "And what line did he take regarding it?" President Roosevelt: ‘ Nootral!" « * * E know a man, he’s so mean, you've no idea! Every time he spanks the children he takes them out into the garden so they'll cry on the flower-beds ! : + * * y eee comedian Billy Bennett has a little ditty about meat rationing. It is called, "Isn't it Offal?"’ ; * % * WO English children, evacuated from London were looking at some pigs. "Them'’s what we eget ’am from," said one. "Why, I thought ‘am grows," said the other. _ "Garn," said the first, "whoever ’eard of ‘am growing?" "Well, it said in the paper this morning about some troops walkin’ into an ’ambush!"