STATIC

New Zealand Listener, Volume 1, Issue 23, 1 December 1939, Page 6

STATIC

R.A.F. recruit was being instructed in the use of the parachute. "D-d-do I c-c-count t-t-ten before I p-p-pull the cord?" he asked the instructor. "If I were you," said the instructor, "I'd just count two-and make it snappy!" * * * EAR MOTHER: "I’ve got my ‘wings’ nowbut I’m still no angel!" * * * ITH income tax rising, we really are beginning to fight for dear life, says an English comedian. * * * OM the same comedian comes a story about a commanding officer who reprimanded some of his subordinates for not recapturing a deserter from an Army camp. "Absolutely no excuse," he snorted, "dimmit, you even had bloodhounds! What’s your explanation?" "Well, sir,’ said one of the men on the mat, "how the dickens did we know the bloke Was anaemic?" * * * E have a dumb blonde girl friend who still thinks a meadowlark is a picnic! * * * HE also thinks the Boer War was when King Louis XIV hunted a pig!! * Bo * EENts for economy in these expensive days: How to make coffee last. Make tea and cocoa first. How not to wear stockings out. Stay indoors. % Es * ELL, it is nice to think you can say what you like about one person in Europe without any fear of libel. * * * "TH ship was sinking fast, and one of the sailors found himself about near the ship’s padre. "Oh, how I wish I'd been a better swimmer," respluttered the sailor. "Oh, how I wish Id been a better swimmer," replied the padre. Ed * * EOPLE in the black-outs in London fall over and bruise themselves so much that they'll soon be taking "Deep Purple" as a theme song. * * * A MISSIONARY relates that once, when he came : across a savage tribe, they did not know what to make of him. They’d left the cookery book at home, perhaps. * * ASOTHER missionary reports that there are still ‘* cannibals in wild .parts'of the world. Progress is being made, though. They are beginning to use knives and forks.