STATIC

New Zealand Listener, Volume 1, Issue 19, 3 November 1939, Page 6

STATIC

" ISMUTH As Usual During Alterations" was the sign hung in his shop-window by a éhemist when war broke out. * * * S6Q OME of the new dances," says a newspaper, "have only a few steps to the bar." Well, dash it, who wants a long walk when he’s thirsty? : " Ed * of Rabe latest explanation a crooner gives for his abnormality is: "I am a singer because Venus was smiling when I was born." The lady was smiling then because she hadn’t yet heard him sing. * * * N old Aunt of ours, hearing about an English T.T. Racing Commentary, jumped to the conclusion that the commentator stayed dry. * % * IRST dear old soul: "Isn't that fellow clever with the trombone?" Second ditto: "Yes, my dear, but you can see he’s not really swallowing ag * * * The quacks have a remedy For every kind of malady; But when, oh when, will a cure appear For Exhibition Foot And Daventry Ear? Ba * * «¢Q TRONG wind often causes a headache," says a@ medical note. Especially when it’s blown through a brass instrument. cd * a MSX* English drivers, because of increased car tax, have had to give up their cars. Arthur Askey has written the following sad lament: Hundreds each morning I behold Along the highways stalking; Many are walking to reduce, And some are reduced to walking! * P * * DUMB waiter we know has given us his definition of a Fakir — a Hindu swindler! * * * 7 has been reported that nearly a million women in England are’ overweight. Of course, they are only round figures! "Ee ae : * ie i Saale * Ww were puzzled by a remark from an out-of-work actor the other day. He said his overcoat was tired. " Tired?’ we queried, " Well, 4t hasn't had a nap for years|"