Some Problems of Discipline

New Zealand Listener, Volume 1, Issue 3, 14 July 1939, Page 12

Some Problems of Discipline

Summary of a Talk on Children

By Mrs.

C. E.

BEEBY

(IIL)

Parents sometimes say to me, "It’s all very well to say ‘Don’t thrash the child and don’t bully him into obeying,’ but do you mean that we're just to allow our children to run wild and do anything they like? A nice state of affairs that would be!" Of course I don’t mean anything of the kind. I know there is a sort of idea now that bringing up a child in the so-called modern way means letting him do just what he likes. I’ve even met parents who tried to bring up their children in this way, with the most devastating results. You can’t let children do just as they like, and in any case, the little child isn’t happy unless he feels there is some control over him. ... There is a good "Punch" story on this theme. A small girl has been sent out to play, but she has returned and is peering anxiously round the door and saying to her mother, "Mummy, do I have to go on doing just what I want to all the time?" . If we could get into the habit of encouraging the child to do the right things instead of always forbidding him to do the wrong ones, then we’d have far less trouble over this discipline business. A busy child is seldom naughty one, and it’s so much

wiser to provide a child with plenty of things he can do than to hem him in with a host of things that he can’t... . If we could just take the trouble to find out why he wants to do this particular thing then we can try to find some other outlet for his desire. You know how the child of four or five develops a perfect passion for climbing. We don’t know why he suddenly wants to climb, but he does, and he will climb furniture and trees and fences or \/ anything that can be climbed. Furniture is expensive and trees are dangerous for the small child, but if you forbid all climbing-well, you’re just asking for rebellion or deceit. . . . It’s the parent’s job to give him something safe to climb. A few packing cases, a small ladder, anything of this kind in the back garden, and the youngster can climb to his heart’s content. You see how much easier this discipline business can be made if parents will only adopt a "Do " instead of a "Don’t" attitude towards children. ... If a small child starts running the taps in the bathroom and making a horrid mess with towels and soap and toothpaste, then obviously we should give him some tins and a basin of water, or perhaps a small watering-can, outside in the garden. Forbid him to play with water and you're just asking him to be unnatural. Playing with watér is one of the ways in which a small child explores his little world, and finds out what it’s like, and we should look on it as part of his education. (To be continued)