LIGHT AND SHADE.

Digger (Invercargill RSA), Issue 42, 7 January 1921, Page 5

LIGHT AND SHADE.

(By "Commentator.")

I am at a loss to know why Sir A. Conan Doyle did not extend his visit to Invercargill. I know of quite a number of people here who are very anxious to get into touch with "departed spirits." One of the partners of a well known "Digger" land agency in Invercargill had a narrow escape from drowning at Stewart Island during the Christmas holidays. Whilst assisting to unload stores from a dinghy his foo (hic) slipped and he mixed more water with his No. 10 than he bargained for. The only cheap thing these days is the life of a policeman in Ireland. When employers and employees announce that they will fight to a finish, it is the consumer who is to be finished. A motor car driver slowed up in East road on race day to let a woman cross the street in safety, and she fainted and had to be carried to the hospital. Drivers kindly take warning. A correspondent forwards the following cutting from "Lone Hand Magazine" : — - Only now the genius of the late Lawrence Hargrave, the inventor of the aeroplane, is being recognised. And it's a reproach to Australia that his models, showing the acEual principles on which flight is based, rest to-day in the Deutsche Museum, Munich, because the Australian and British Governments refused them room. It is said that the death dealing Taube is designed after one of them, yet the young Sydney inventor got no encouragement. Now the Aero Club of N.S.W. wants subscriptions for a monument to him. It was Carlyle, I think, who once said that there were forty million people in England — mostly fools — and the cynical jibe could very well be extended to embrace the Empire. It is an old and trite saying that a people usually get the government they deserve, and we almost deserved to lose the late lamented war through the criminal neglect of our counsellors. After all, what's the use of kicking? We only got our shins barked, and to be perfectly candid the average Bri-

tisher has a sneaking regard for the policy of muddle through. Apropos of the above, reminds me of an incident which happened during the campaign in France. A young non-commis-sioned officer of the 2nd Otago Battalion invented an improvement for the Lewis machine gun. The invention, which meant the abolition of the magazine and the substitution of a hopper was accepted by the War Office, and the non-com. was advised that his presence would be required in England, of which he would receive due notice. Six months elapsed and this young gunner was still in the firing line where a stray shell might have caught him and incidentally, his inventive ' genius, at any moment. Yerily the ways of our rulers are inscrutable. Invercargill news items in 1950 : — The sewerage scheme will be completed within the next twelve months. The foundation stone of the corporation baths was laid to-day. Subscriptions for the Travis memorial are coming in freely. Having had to purchase another pair of shoe3 Mrs has had to abandon the receptions she had; ahnounced for this season. A well known local surgeon was just finishing an operation on a patient when fire broke out in the premises of the National Mortgage Co., illuminating the whole operating room. The surgeon turned to the nurse and dryly said : "Nurse, the patient is coming to. I think you had better draw the blinds. That fire is too suggestive. I don't want the patient to think the operation hasn't been a success." Wwong Sue Duk, a Chinese herbalist, of Melbourne, claims to be the father of 56 children by four wives. Ten of the children live with the father in Melbourne, the rest being in America or China. "Honourable Income Tax Commissioner," writes another wholesale father. "My income is as Buddha wills, averaging £500 a year. But by your permission I have a family of 52 children, almost like my esteemed compatriot. They are, as you will observe, twice the letters of the alphabet, and I would like to enumerate them : — Ah Kwock, Boo Kwock, Chew Kwock, Dam Kwock, Eng

Kwock, Fong Kwock, Gee Kwock, Hang Kwock, Ick Kwock, Jung Kwock, Kow Kwock, Ling Kwock, Man Kwock, Nang Kwock, Ook Kwock, Pong Kwock, Quong Kwock, Rip Kwock, Sam Kwock, Tong Kwock, Ung Kwock, Vow Kwock, War Kwock, Xavier Kwock, Young Kwock, Zoroaster Kwock. The second twertty-six is named as above with the addition of the surname Too, thus : Ah Tqo Kwock, Sam Too Kwock, Zoroaster Too Kwock, etc. For these my children I beg exemption at rate of £26 per child, or £1352 for the lot, so Government owes me income tax on £852 — balance over my income. Hoping to hear soon. Yours servilely, Wun Bung Kwock." Among the many amusing stories told by Sir Thomas Lipton is one concerning a Scotsman who went to a horse race for the first time in his life. The old fellow was rather feeble-minded, and his companions who took him to the race meeting presently persuaded him to stake a sixpense in the third race on a forty-to-one shot. By some miracle this outsider won. When the bookmaker gave the old man his winnings he could hardly believe his eyes. "Do you mean to tell me," he said, "that I get all this for my saxpence?" "You do," answered the bookmaker. "Ma conscience!" muttered the Scotsman. "Tell me, mon, how long has this thing been going on?"