Passing Notes.

Digger (Invercargill RSA), Issue 40, 17 December 1920, Page 6

Passing Notes.

BY JACQUES

Laugh where we must, be candid where we can. — Pope.

A Wellington milk vendor was r.ecently fined heavily for seliing adulterated milk. The Magistrate said that it was one of Ihe worst' cases he had known, the evivlence having proven the addition of water in considerable quantities. "To labour is to pray." Ah ! that maxim, old and gray, Is as false as many others of its ilk ; For I'm d— d if I can see where the piety can be In the work of pumping water in my milk. 4i& ' ' It would seem that to Howard Elliott the end justifies any means, however vile. Ho is evidently ready to stoop very low to conquer the "Searlet Woman." When j facts fail him — well, his fecund imagina- j tion is always ready to breed something j that will supply their place. Passing j over his eowardly insinuations against the late Riehard Seddon — though they show that a live ass can still kick a dead lion, and get credit for it with some— I note that lie charges the "Mother Church" with instigating and fosteringthe present terrorism in Ireland. In doing so he displays either incomprehensible ignorance or reckless malice. The reverend mischief-maker might, with equal truth and profanity, have blamed her. for the sins of Sodom and Gomorrah or the : San Francisco eartbquake. The plain j fact is that the Home Rule question is not \ a religious one at all — except in so far as the Howard Elliotts of Ulster have made it so. The movement for Irish autonomy is a purely patriotic one, and would continue, with unabated vigour if all England were miraculously converted to -Romanism to-morrow. That it is intrinsically non-sectarian is shown by the fact that. many cf its most eminent leaders have been Protestants. Moreover, as Joseph Ilocking — who must surely be acquitted of pro-Romanism — concludecl, after months of patient observation on the spot, the R.C. Church has absolutely nothing to gain from its success. As for the charge that that church condones murder and outrage, we read daily of the fearless condemnation of such by its priesthood. And these same priests have, more than once, ^ been toki, in effect, to go to — 11 and mind their own business. At the very timo of writing, it is the Catholic Hierachy which, more than any other element, is working most earnestly for peace and mutual good will. I am 110 Catholic ; nor do I think the Catholic Church faultless ; but I do think that it should be judged by its own ~real fruits, not by 'those of Howard Elliott's disordered imagination. Sectarian bitterness is, in the mai®, a pitiful thing. Still, there is always the savour of good in, things evil, and from the mutual antipathy of the sects, the onlooker may often get; a little unexpected ! fun. Take, for instance, the case of Raddv — a true son of "Mother Church," of course — who, when Mick enquired what he was working at replied gleefully : "Begobs, I've got the best job I iver had. Fifteen bob a day, and I'd willingly' do it for nothing." "Phwat's the job ?" asked Mjck. "Pull down " a d — d Prodestan Church." Said the Rev. W. Dunlop at a, recent meeting of the Christchurch Presbytery." ' ' There seems to have come into our (Bible) classes an ungodly spi^t regaraing da-nc-ing and . drinking. • The suggestion was made one evening that the churches should buy otit all the public houses and sell the liquor with a Christian spirit !" Well, why not? The idea, though startling in its novelty, is nevertheless fascinating in its possibilities. Mere financial considerations apart, think of the immense other benefits that would accrue from such a course. The Church would then, through its pubbery department, attract more sinners in one day than it now does in a decade, thereby enormously enlarging its sphere of influence. How its membership rolls would be augmented by' a proviso that only members should be supplied ! And the whole traffic could be Jifted to a far loftier plane under church

control and conduct. Just picture the Rev. (your fancy can make its own choice) engaged in his uplifting work at the heer pump, the while that dainty and demure Bible class damsels — for, presumably, the ladies would partieipate also in the good work — handed round the sfcuff that is a mocker, and the other stuff that is raging. The prospect is a pleasant one, and really involves no anomaly, after all. For if Byron was right in his claim that "rum and true religion" are o'f equal efncacy in soothing the soul, then surely there is nothing incongruous in the association of tracts and tanglefoot, piety and potables, benedictions and beer. There is, moreover, an obvious metrical relationship between "No. 10" and the "Old Hundredth." Every drink could be I served with a text, and the parson's — or f should I say the publican's ? — shout could be made the occasion for a dissertation on the evils cf prohibition, and other similar subjects. Under such conditions we would take our "spots" in a chastened spirit, and get drunk in s staid and sober way. Verily, that briiiiant young Bible student's . suggestion is an attractive one, and our churches would be well advised to drop for once their foolish conservatism, and give it their careful and prayerful consideration. Pulpit, platfornq parliament, and press unite in voicing the general alaim at the growing increase in sexual offences. Yarious means of dealing with the evil have been suggested, . some silly, some savage. Few, however, of those who so g'libly discuss the question recognise the fact that the waxing danger to our womenfolk is largeiy due to our own prudery, which insists on the suppression of passioix's safety valve, the Paphian. I know that, in making such a claring statcment I shall deeply offend the moral susceptifcilities of the unco' guid, but facts are stubbom things, and it is an ineontestable fact .that where the prostitute is tolerated, there the decent woman is safest. Comparatively few men are capable of absolute and lifelong continence, and in many the sexual instinct often attains ungovernable intensity. Yet a considerable proportion of these, in every community, are preeluded by their circumstances from marriage. it is chiefly for these that the woman of the town (often, as Miss Ettie Rout stated, less from the pressure of poverty than from free choice) caters, and, in et'esirg the avenue of relief afforded by her we pnlarge and intensify the menace to her more chaste sisters. It is, I grant, an ugly subje.ctrbut it will have to be frankly faced some time, so why not at once? To attempt to cope with the evil — as is so often proposed — by flogging or emasculating the offender were not ohly savage, but futile, since passion does not stay to weigh consequences. 'Membcr I said last week that women was funny things ?" , queried Bill, as lie I patted the dog. I assured him that his remarks were still vividly clsar in my memory. "Well, Jax," he continued, "I've ■ proved it again. Also that Bible texts ain't always what they're cracked u^to be. It's this way. The oi' woman's lately took up with a sorter religious crowd — the 'True Believers,' or something like that, they call themselves, to show they're different from otheV believers. The other da^r one of 'em — a young woman — comes to the 'ouse, an' 'er an' the oi' woman starts in to convert me, or 'pluck a brand from the hurning,' " as they cailed it. The young woman gives me a tract, which says, 'Always do to others as yeh'd 'ave 'em to you." WTell I reads the 'eadin', an' then I shakes my 'ead, an' sez, 'It won't do ! 'Yes, it will,' sez the girl, 'It's in the Bible, so it mus' bc riight. ' 'But,' sez I, 'it wouldn't always work. People might get riled if yeh did it sometimes.' "'Ow could they," sez she, "when yeh'd only be obeyin' the good hook ?" Well, with that I walks over to 'er — she was a real tasty lookin' piece— an' . kisses 'er fair an' square on the lips. Did she snort ? Eh, what ! Fireworks was j nothin' to it, I'd never 'a' tho-ught that J such a pretty little mouth as 'ers could j 'old so many 'ard names for a feller. I ! tried to explain that I'd only done to 'ex' what I'd like 'er to do to me, but it was no good. She cailed me a 'vile

'eathen,' 'a son of Belial,' lan uncouth brute' an' a whole lot of other fancy names, an' then banged outer the door, sayin' she'd never, never enter such an abode of iniquity again. An' what sort of a time did I 'ave afterwards with the oi' \roman ? 'Ate to think of it, I only 'ope to 'ell nobody else ever brings any more Bible maxims into our 'ouse. They're too dangerous. And Bill walked slowly and pensively away.