THE HUMOUR OF THINGS.

Digger (Invercargill RSA), Issue 39, 10 December 1920, Page 16

THE HUMOUR OF THINGS.

Patronise tlis Ilotel Bolshevik ; two 4 7 thousand rooms and a bath. Platonic friendship is the gun you didn't know was.loaded. Belle : .'Jack propo.se d to me last night. I .11 : I'm not surprised. He told me he didn't cave what tecame of him when I refused him. She : Oh, Carl, t-here was once a time when you used to lovingly stroke my chin. You don't do it any more. He : Yes, but that was when you had ouly one. Suitor : What makes you think, sir, that I will not be- able to support your daughter ? Her Father : The difficult-y I've had in doing it mvself. "When a man does anything well he . ought to get eredit for it," remarked the generous-minded man. "Not always," replied Bronci Bob. '.'Me an' Piute Pete got the reputation of bein' such good poker players that it completely spoiled business." NO DOUBT ABOUT IT. Business Man: Who is at the 'phone? Typist : Your wife, sir. Business Man : What does sbe want? Typist: The ouly word I can make out is "idiot," sir. Business Man : I'll come at once. She probably wants to talk to me. HE WINS* A man who was showing off by diving into the sea and staying under the water for a time. after one dive came up and found that he had remained under water for two minutes. "That's going some!" he bragged. "I'll bet that's a record around here!" • "Oh, 110, it ain't!" replied a spectator. "A man dived in here this time ' yesterday, and he ain't come up yet!" 1 LOST HIS ENTHUSIASM. The worried countenanee of the bride- * , groom disturbed the best man. Tiptoe- j ing up the ai.sle, he whispered : i . "What's the matter, Jock? Hae ye i lost the ring?" h "No," blurted the unhappy Jock, 't'he ' , ring's safe eno'. But, mon, I've lost ' ma enthusiasm." , EVIDENCE. 3 Ihe Judge (to jury, who have retired ■ several times. without agreeing) : I understand that one juryman prevents your I coming to a verdict. In my summing i * up I have clearly st-ated the law, and anv ' 4 juryman who obstinately sets his individ- | ual opinion against the remaining eleven \ ' is totally unfitted for his duties. j 1 The Solitary Objector : Please, m'lud, j I'm the onlv man who agrees with you ! * ' WILL IT WORK BOTH WAYS? Mrs Brown : The trousers which I have washed for Ike have siirunk so much that the poor chiid can hardly put them on. Her Friencl: Try washing Ike, and he might shrink too. MAKING THE TARGET. Two Irishmen arrauged to fight a duel with pistols. One' of them was distinctly stout, and when he saw his lean adversary facing him he jaised an objection, ! Bedad . he said, "I'm twice as big a target as he is, so I ought to stand twice as far away from him as he is from me." Be aisy now," replied his second. "I'll soon put that right." Takipg a piece of chalk from his pocket he drew lines down the stout man's coat, leaving a space between them. "Now," he said, turning to the other man, "fire away, ye spalpeen, and remember that any hits outside that chalk line don't count."