Passing Notes.

Digger (Invercargill RSA), Issue 39, 10 December 1920, Page 6

Passing Notes.

BY JACQUES.

Laagh where we must, be candid whera ve can. — Pope

"Hope springs eternal in the lmman breast : — _ "The chance of gain allures, howe'er remote ; And that's why I continue to invest— And lose— my hard-eaxned quidlets on the tote. Late re-ports state that a mysterious diseasq, is spreading over Europe. It is nameless, and known raerely as "No. 9." We have had something very similar in Invercargill for years. Symptoms : Lingual difficulty, laxity of the lower extremities, impaired or dual vision, erratic locomotion, tendency to weep or sing, etc. Diagnosis : "X o. 10." Ah ! if we'd never done the things we shouldn't, Nor left undone the things we should have done ; Then life had been serener, but we wouldn't Have ;got from, it the same amount of fun. The Christchurch City Council favours s "the encouragement by all possible means of New Zealand secondary industries." | Very good. But what about a little more encouragement for the most important of New Zealand primary industries in the form, say, of a thumping baby bonus? The "Auckland Weekly News' states that "the driver of a motor lorry near Gisborne ran out of benzine when a few niiles away from the town. Unable to procure petrol he fxlled the tank with whisky, and continued the jurney." There is nothing unusual in a whiskyfilled "tank," however. We often see them in Invercargill, though, when properly full, few are able to "continue their journey" without the aid of a cab, or the kindly help of a John Hop. Professor Davies, advocating at the Presbyterian General Assembly, a minimum stipend of £300 for parsons, j stated that "ministers are not in the ministry for what they can get out of it." If there's nought in the lure of a soft sinecure ; If it's not the nosition they care for; j Nor yet for the sake of the dollars they | make — - Well what in the deuce are they there for? That "the law is an ass" is never seriously disputed nowadays. Sometimes, however, it is more asinine than at others. But probably the length of its ears 1 was never more clearly shown than in I the matter of the cost of living bonus. | The necessity of some such means of as- | sisting struggling wage-earners to meet the ever-increasing prices of commodi- | ties is, of course, beyond question ; that the bonus should be uniform in the case of the single man without dependants and in that of the married man with a large and hungry family . is most inequitable, and tends to defeat the very purpose for which the bonus was granted. In the case of the single man the amount allowed by the Court is considerably in excess of the recent increa.se in the cost of actual necessaries — unless we include whisky among them. If it is not, then the allowance to the father of (say) four children is absurdly iadequate. And the additional burden placed on industry by the unnecessarily bulky bonus to the "bachelor, gay and free," has its inevitable result in a further increase in the cost of living to the poor, old married man, who, in the end, begins to wonder if even cost of living bonuses offer sufficient inducement to stay on this side of Jordant The only equitable basis on which such a bonus can rest in the actual, not the hypothetical, family. Conan Doyle has showed that, after all, his brain is not wholly tenanted by spooks and fairies. He hit a big nail squarely .on the head the other day when he stressed the danger of Australia's waste spaces, and urged a pohcy of rapid popu-

I lation. That a mere handful of people should long hold undisturbed such a vast and fertile country as Australia is unthinkable. The desperately overcrowded countries of Asia have long been looking over our back fence, and the prospect is, no doufct- an alluring one to them. The Japanese, in particular, are ca-sting covetous eyes on our heritage, and mere than once have hinted their determination, soon i or late, by hook or crook, to share it with us, or even wrest it from us altogether. Our trades unions would, of course, resent such action, but the Japanese somehow fail to appreciate the importance of trades union resolutions. In their opinion big guns and quick-firers are of greater effect. And since the world is still governed by "The good old rule, the simple plan "That he may take who has the power And he may keep who can," they are probably not far wrong. And, judged by the ethical and utilitarian standard's of the nations to-day, if the brown man can force an entrance and use the country to better purpose than ourselves (for New Zealand is in the same boat with Australia) they are justified in doing so. xi we wrould hold our country against aggression we must quickly grow big enough to do so. The White Australian policy is an excellent one, no doubt, but we must have enough White Australians to keep it white. And since the good old wray of increasing and replenishing the earth seems largely falling into desu.etude in these latitudes, the only apparent alternative is to import the ready made white article as rapidly as possible. With a liberal land settlement policy, srnall fear but that millions could be established here comfortably in a very few years. Failing some such action — and that very soon — there is a probafcility, looking unpleasantly like a certainty, that the near future will see White Australia with some very big and ugly brown and yellow patches about it. Unless the cable liar is lying more recklessly than usual, things are looking pretty ominous in the Far Ea,st. Apart from the establishment of vast military camps in Fogmosa — tvhich may fairly be construed as a threat to knock some of the spangles off the American banner — Japan is beginning to speak in a strange and sacrilegious t'ongue to ourselves. It seems that certain Canadian missionaries have evinced a somewhat pernicketty repugnance to occasional Japanese massacres of Koreans, and have been telling tales to the nations caleulated to hurt the little brown fellow's feelings and damage the wee, measly thing that he calls his character. His proper course, under the cireumstances, would have been to summons the missionaries for defamation or libel, or some such thing; but, instead of doing so, he becomes quite disrespectful to England (through Ganada) and tells her what he will do to her if the black- ; coated brotherhood prod him any more. Any further spiritual or material assistan.ee given by these to the Korean will I be speedily followed by "Buddhist" assistance of anti-British elemehts in India, which would mix things up for us very much. As General Ilomer Lee contended — and the contsntion is accepted by most military experts and statesmen — India is the keystone of the I'ritish Empire. It was largely in recognititon of this fact that Britain entered into an alliance with Japan, the chief provision of which was that the latter should safeguard the former's interests in the land of Rain Bas and Jambuk Singh. His present minatory tone would seem to indicate that the little brown chap is ready, at any minute, and on the slightest provocation to tear the Treatv to tattegs, and raise up trouble for us that will be worse even than the high ccst of living. Bill brought over |he dozen eggs that Mrs Jacques had ordered. "Jax," he opened, as he sat down on the bucket. "Women's d — d funny things, ain't they?" I was struck with- the originality^of his discovery, but offered no opinioh, as I suspected that Mrs Jacques was within earshot. After a short pause he eon- ; tinued: ! "TF* way they sets about gettin' wot

they wants bangs Bannagher. Deer stalkin's a fool to it. Forinstance. Friday night, when I got 'ome from work there was a scrumptious feed waitin' me ; steak an' kidney pie, mashed potatoes an' cabbage — my fav'rite tuck. When I'd 'ad a good blow out I w,ent into the sittin' room, where there was a lovely tire an' my slippers all warmed, ready for me. After I'd read the paper, the wife comes an' sits on the arm of my chair, an' presently she puts 'er arm rourid my neck an' kisses me on the desert- patch on top of my 'ead. 'Bill,' she sez, 'yer an ol'dear, an' the best 'usband that any woman ever 'ad. I love yeh more an' more every day, an5 I'll go on lovin' yeh more an' more as long I live. I've al.wa.ys been 'appy with with yeh, Bill, an' I bless the day that y'arst me an' I took yeh. Yeh've never denied me anything, an' I don't believe yeh more an' more every day, an' I'll just got up an' went to my box where I keeps my money, an' I said, 'ow much?' 'Ten quid,' she sez, 'I want a dress, an' an 'at an' a lot of other things.' An' I gave it to 'er. Sattiday night I 'ad cold mutton fer tea, 'an 'ad to 'unt out an' warm my own slippers, an' was told that the kitchen was quite good enough fer any reas'nable man to sit in. No kissin'. Yes, Jax, as the poet sez, "Women's blank myst'ries." And Bill walked off, evidently sadly impressed with the vagaries of the inscrutable sex.