SHORT STORIES.

Digger (Invercargill RSA), Issue 36, 19 November 1920, Page 16

SHORT STORIES.

A STAYER. Two rich business men were chatting tcgether vvhen an elderly man passed by. "That's Brown ; he works for rne," said one of the two. • "He's an honeSt-looking chap," remarked the other. "Has he any staying power ?' lie has that," replied the fir'st. "He began at the botom of the ladder in * ^ and he's stayed there ever since." HER JOB. "That young lady is very striking." "A handsome girl." "But I liever see her doing any work around your law office." * "She's valuable, however. When the other side has a pretty witness we find her very usefui as a counter attraction." A sentimentalist, it occurs to us, is one who lives beyond his intellectual income. PROFESSIONAL INTEREST. The following amazing incident occurred at a hairdresser's in a small town in Lancashire. Customer : Well, Shears, what did you think of the bishop's sermon on Sunday? I saw you in church. Barber : Yes, sir, I was there; but, to tell the truth, there was a man in front of me whose hair wanted cutting so badly that I eouldn't hear a word. ALWAYS ON THE CONTRARx. It is impossible to please the neighbours. If you take good care of your child they say you are keeping him too clo.se, and if you turn him loose they say you are letting him run wild. If you punish him occasionally they d.eclare you do nothing but beat the little fellow, and if you don't punish him they say they would like to have charge of him for about five minutes. IN FOR ORDERS. The battalion was resting beside the road toward the end of its sixteen-mile hike. After the weary marchers had eased their packs and sipped from their nearly empty canteens, they watched dispiritedly the energetic setting-up exercises being gone through by a strange outfit in a nearby field. "What's that there gang?" inquired Private Hanks of Oklahoma without enthusiasm. "Infantry candidates' school," replied the corporal. $ "Candidates! Infantry candidates!'' explode i Hanks. "My good gosh ! Do you have to make application and be initiated to get into this mess nowadays?" TEMPTED FATE. "What became of that girP Masherton was flirting with last summer?" "You mea.n the girl that Masherton thought he was flirting with? She married him." CONVICT LABOUR. The restless individuality of the American soldier, who was always seeking a shorter way to do things, made him app,ear to the French and British as hopelessly undisciplined. A unit of the Seventy-eighth Division pressing on under shell fire in the battle of the Meuse-Argonne, finally stopped under orders to dig in as fast as possible. In a moment dirt was flying along the whole line. Out in front, however, just behind a slight natural mound, one doughboy lay motionless with his rifle slanted towards the enemy. "Make a hole! Make a hole ! yelled the lieutenant, coming up. "Sh-h! Don't excite my contractor," the doughboy replied. Over the edge of the mound the lieutenant saw a German prisoner feverishly digging almost at the end of the doughboy's gun.