SHORT STORIES.

Digger (Invercargill RSA), Issue 32, 22 October 1920, Page 16

SHORT STORIES.

ANOTITER TIIEORY EXPLODED. * Binks (reading) : "It says h«r* that 1 sleep is conducivo to beauty." Banks : "Rats! I don't believe it. Just think how plain-lookin^ some of our Government offieials are." CATASTROPHE. Pedestrian (to motor cyclist who is looking bewildered at his machine) : "Lost anything, mister?" Motorist : "Yes." Pedestrian. "What is it-" Motorist: "Mv girl." HOW HE DID IT. Jones : "Dear me ! You sav you often lay down the law to your w.ife? How do you do it?" Smitli : "Why, all you aeed is firmness. I usually go into my study, lock the door, and do it through tlie keyhole. All you need is firmness — in the door." SOFT AHSWERS. It was Scripture lesson, and the class had just repeated the old adag,e, "A soft answer turneth away wrath." There was a slight pause, then the teacher said : "Y"es, my boys, that is why we teachers are so good-tempered." LENGTHY PROCESS. She : "Jack, dear, give me one more kiss before you go!" He : "I am afraid, darling, that I shan't have time. My train goes in an hour." PREMATURE. "Tlie trouble with. Bob is that lie's aliead of the times." "How's that?" "Well, he went to look for work and found there was a- strike on. So he joined the strikers before he got the job." A MATTER OF MONEY. At tlie workingmen's institute there arose a fierce discussion as to whether woman should he given a chance of fillirg the high appomtmejjAs. "'Twouldn't do!" said a youthful and newly-married firebrand. "Just think of a woman as Secretary of the Treasury. What do they know about finance, anyway ?" . His effective pause was spoiled by an older man who said solemnly : "You just go home to the missus next Friday mght £1 sliort in your pay and you'll find out!" HOW IT WAS DONE. An American agrlculturi3t was telling tall tales of big broods of chickens. Twenty chicks from twelve eggs appeared to be quite an .everyday event in the States — if the stories he told were true. "Happen you never see so many as a hundred hatched by one ben at a sitting ?" asked a Suffolk man across the table. The Yankee guessed that he'd never seen quite such a brood as that. "Well, I hev, then, mister," retorted the Suffolk man. "Down Ipswich way we fill a barrel with eggs an' set t'owd hen on tlie bunghole!" IT DIDN'T DISTURB II BE Captain Brown, a bluff old seadog, was paying a visit to his riext door neighoour, gushing Widow Jones. When ordinary topics has been exhaust. ed the widow remarked, "I suppose, Captain, you often liear my daughter praciising her vocal exercises?" "Oh, yes, ma'am," responded the Captain dryly. "I really hope," continued the widow, "that it doesn't disturb you." "Not at all, ma'am," answered Captain Brown, "for during mv active career on board ship I got quite accustomed to 'squalls' on the 'high C's.'