IRISH WIT AND HUMOUR.

Digger (Invercargill RSA), Issue 32, 22 October 1920, Page 15

IRISH WIT AND HUMOUR.

An Englishman and an Irishman, happening to be riding together, passed a gallows. "Where would you be," said the Englishman, "if the gallows had its due?" "Riding alone, I guess," said the Irishman. Groceryman : "Pat, do you like apples ?" Pat : "Shure, sor, Oi wudn't ate an apple for the world." "Who, how is that?" "Ough! didn't me ould mother die av apple plexy?" "Now, Pat, you gee tbe disgrace these low politicians have brought on the city, why don't you cast jrour vote for honest, respectable, men? Now, if Mr Rutherford Stuyvesant were put in your district, would you • t'or him?" Patrick : . > esant. sor? Wbei'e does lie kape his saloon?" Patrick 0!Mars, a private in the 9th. regulars, went to the colonel of his regiment and asked for a two week's leave of ahsence. "Well," gaid the colonel, "what do you want a two weeks' furlough for?" Patrick answered : "Me wife is very mck, and the children are not well, and if ye dcm't mind, she would like to have me | at home for a few weeks to give her a j bit of assistance." [ The colonel eyed him for a few minutes j and said: "Patrick, I might grant your ! request, but I got a letter from your wife this morning saving that she didn't want you home , that you were a nuisance a.nd raised the devil whenever you were there. She hopes I won't let you have any more furloughs." "That settles it. I euppose I can't get the furlough, then?" said Pat. "No, I'm afraid not, Patrick. It would not be well for me to do so under the circumstances." It was Patrick'a turn to eye the colonel, as he started for the door. Stopping suddenly, he said : "Colonel, can I say something to ye?" "Certainly, Patrick; what Is it?" "You won't get mad, colonel, if I Bay it?", "Certainly not, Patrick, what is it?" "I want to say there are two splendid liars in this room, and I'm one of them. 1 was never married in me loife."