IRISH WIT AND HUMOUR.

Digger (Invercargill RSA), Issue 30, 8 October 1920, Page 3

IRISH WIT AND HUMOUR.

The other day a little red-faced Irishman approached a post office which liad three letter boxes outside. One was labelled "City," another "Domestic," and 'the third "Foreign." He looked at the three in turn and then, a3 a puzzled expression crossed his face, scratched his head. "Faith," he was lieard to mutter, "I don't know in which wan to put th' letter. Sure, Katie's a domestic, an' she lives in; the city all right, an' she's a furriner, too; but, begobs, how can th' thing go in both of the three holes at wance ?' ' Pat — "Yez may say wot you piease, gintlemen ; it's not onywhere ye'll be foindin' braver men nor th' Irish." Banter — "Come off, Pat; it was only the other day that I made five of them run." Pat "Was it ong catching ye they were ?" "Well, Misther McPhelim, how'd ye schlape last night?" "Ah, bedad, Denny bhad! Unconscioua a good dale of the toime." McGuire — "How did he make all his money?" Rafferty — "Smoking; he was the greatest smoker in America." McGuire — "Dry up, Rafferty; you can't make money by smoking." Rafferty— "He did; he smoked hams." "Yes," said the dentist, "to insur© painless extraction you'll have to take gas, and that's fxfty cents extra." "Oh!" said Casev, "I guess the oldway'll be best; never mind no gas." "Yon'ire a brave man." "Oh! it ain't mes that's got the tooth ; it's my wife Bridget." "What has became of your niece, Miss Murphy, Mrs O'Raherty?" "Och, sure an' she's done well wid hersilf. She married a lord." "Why, you don't tell me ! An English lord?" "No; I don't think he's an English. lord. He's a laiidlord. He kapes a hotel out in Indiana." When Paddy heard an Englishman speaking of the fine echo at the Lake of Killarney, which repeats the sound iorty times, he very promptly observed : "Faith, that's nothing at all to ihe echo in my father's garden in the cou-nty of Galway. If you say to it, 'How do you do, Paddy Blake?' it will answer, 'Pretty well thank you; sir.' " "Pat, if Mr Jones comes back before I return, tell him that I will meet him at two o'clock." "Ay, ay, sir; but what will I tell him if he doesn't come?" "Well, Pat, and how is that bull pup of yours doing?" "Oh' he's dead ! The illigant baste winl an' swallowed tape-measure !" "Oh, I »ee! He died by inches, then?" "No, begorra, he didn't! He wint round to the back of the house an' died by the yard!" An Irishman on being told that the price of bread had fallen, exclaimed : "This is the first time I ever rejoiced at the fali of my best friend." An Irishman wandjering lup Fifth Avenue saw in the window of a photographer" shop a large photograph of Mephisto. He went inside, and after gazing about the walls, said to the proprietor : "I want to have a pictur taken av meself an' me bruther. How much?" The proprietor named the figure. "All right," said Pat. "Will you taka it now?" "Where is your brother?" asked the photographer. "He's in Ireland," was the reply. "Well, my man," said the photographer, " we can't take hi9 picture unless he is here." "That's funny," said Pat. "Ye took the pictur av the divil, an' he's down below,"