SHORT STORIES.

Digger (Invercargill RSA), Issue 28, 24 September 1920, Page 16

SHORT STORIES.

HE WATCHED AS LONG AS HE COULD '"Boy, just watch my liorse!" said the squire to a country urchin as he went into the village store. "Yessir!" replied the lad, touching his cap. Two minutes later a motorcar came along. The horse reared, snorted, and then bolted up the road. As the unhappy lad was just starting to pursue the runaway, now nearly out of sight, the squire came out of tlie store. "Im tglad ycm've come, sir!" .said the boy, mu?h relieved. "I couldn't have watched him much longer ! ' ' HIS REAL MOTIVE As the crowded car jolted and swayed, the stout womari standing up lurched against a seated passenger, tearing his newspaper and knocking his hgt over his eyes. Immediately he ro&e and offered her his seat. "You are very kind, sir," she said, panting for breath. "Not at all madam," he repliecf. "It isn't kindness, it's merely self-defence."

ECONOMY. The Husband : "You're not economical." The Wife : "Well, if you don't call a woman economical who saves her marriage dress for a possible second marriage, I'd like to know what you think aconomy QUACK! ■■ A famous doctfir once had a tiresome old lady as patient, who was always imaging he'rself ailing. He became thoroughly I bored with her and her visionary diseases, and at last, to get rid of her, ordered a change to Bath. "Will you please give me a letter of introduction to the best doctor thereT" she asked. "And, oh, may I beg you to deseribe my case exarctly?" Her doctor promised he would do as she wished, wrote a letter, and lianded it to her. Curiosity to know what he said about her overcame the good lady's sense of honour, and she opened it, only to read : "My dear So-and-so, I send you a fat old goose; when you have well plucked her, send her back to me!"

THE MODERN SPIRIT. Peace having returned to us, the papers are no longer above filling a vacant corner now and then with news of the latest centenarian. Trouble is, these old Methu. aelahs have got so dashed up-to -date as the result- of war-work, you nevear know where you are with fhem. The "Slushville Courier" called the other day on Mr Nathaniel Perkins, verging on his hundredth birthday, and put the usual fool question — "To what, sir, do your attribute your long life and health?" "I will make a note of that inquiry, and let you know in tirne for your Saturday's issue," replied the old gentleman brightly. "Fact is, I'm in treaty with one or two patent medicine firms, but I haven't made up my mind which to close with yet. ' ' LIKE A CIGAR. "A play," remarked the manager, "is very much like a cigar." "How's that?" "If it's good," explained the manager, "every one wants a box, and if it's bad no amount of puffing will make it draw." "What was you before you joined up?" "A grocer, sir." "Good! Fill them 'ere bags with sand." ASKING FOR IT. Officer : "Have you mopped that floor yet?" Private : "No. " Officer: "No, what?" Private : "No mop."