SHORT STORIES.

Digger (Invercargill RSA), Issue 27, 17 September 1920, Page 16

SHORT STORIES.

A MISF1T. Wife ! "Well, after lohg t have afc last found a maid who is exactly what I would wish." — Husband :* "Then by all means engage her. Wife : "Unfortunately, I can't. She is irfucb too large^ for the servant's bedrdqm." TO THE HOUSE OF UXCOMMONS. Old A — of his luneh made th,e boast, , Scotcb Broth is what picked him np most, ' i What's he liaving- for tea We must all "wait and See" P'haps our little Welsh Rare-bit on Toast ! m SHE WAS WAITING, TOO. Tramp : "Madam," is yoiir husband up yet?" Wife: "I guess he is." Tramp : "Well, I'd like to say a few words to him." Wife : "So would I. He liasn't come home yet." HOW FUNNY. "You seem very « much impressed by all these explanatlons I have been gi ving ybu about fcanking and curreney." "Y,es, Cbarlie, dear," replied Mra Boson. "It seems perfectly wonderful that anybody could know as much as you do about* money without having any." SETTLED. At a club meeting held in a public liouse in a .small v.iliage a discussibn took place a-s to whether a hard or soft substance would last the longer. The debate continued for some time, until one man spoke up and said : "Now, men, you are all mistaken, as I can easily prove. When me and my wife married she had as good a set of teeth as any woman. could have, now she hasn'fc got one- and her tongue is as good as ever." NOT HIS FAULT. Jamie, who' is the lodge-keeper at a- mill in Lancashire, overlaid himself the other morning, with the result that many of the workpeople could Uot get into the mill. - The manager was furious, * of course, when he got to know, and treated Jamie to a sound rating. Jamie's face took on an injured look, as he said, "Wey, sir, it wurn't my fault. Thear aw wur, lying I' bed wakken, weanting to get up, an' th' knockerup never coom." THEIR ONLY MEETING. They met by chance, They never met before; They only met that once, And she was smitten gore. They never met again, Don't want to, I avowj They only met that once — . A goods train and a cow. A STEP FOTtWARD. Certainly the times had been difficult for a certain provincial railway, and the passengers had borne it all meekly. As the month passed, however, and there were no signs of improvement, the worm began to turn. One day a cOmmercial traveller descended from a train at a small station. The train was only an hour and threequarters late. "I notice your service has improved very much lately," said the traveller to the stationmaster. "Can't say Uve seen it," snapped the official, suspiciously. "Oh» you must have!" the traveller spoke solemnly . "Why, the engines can wlnstle without stopping now!"