IRISH WIT AND HUMOUR.

Digger (Invercargill RSA), Issue 27, 17 September 1920, Page 14

IRISH WIT AND HUMOUR.

An Irish crier at Dublin k • to clear the court, did so k °td^ nouncement, "Now, then M th'4 *iguards that isn't lawyers' coort, 1 lave th Mra Brown:. "You know I'm . near neighbour of youra now j? ^ l I've just taken a little house on it ^ Mr, Tooley : "Oh! drop in some day." p Wll An Irishman who had blistered hi, gera by endeavouring to dra. » of boots, exclaimed : "I s^an 1 N them on at all until I Wear them™ ^ or two." a Say, Sorah to Pat, "Th. „t|,„ ,f when I was up to 0'Sullivan's you you was going to get work nest' , 17.15 Per? Now, what the divil did mean by Per?" "Why," says pat d ould goose, don't you see into it it 'J* "perhaps."' ' U Policeman Sparrow : " 'Tis the f0i„ Frihch nurse yere afther makin', M ' Biddy Bahycarriage : "Frinch'ntirs d it? Frinch nurse? Oi'll give yez tnudj stand that I'm just as much a diauR j as th' operator of any other horsel carriage." An Irishman after witnessing the won. derful performances of Blind Tom, t|» pianist, remarked to his friend, "Ii'e ij powers, that's the best music I ivcr heari wid me two ear8." Daniel O'Connell, the Irish orator, wai applied to'bv a friand for his autograph; to which he replied : "Sir, I never send autographs, Yoursj Daniel O'Connell,"! Mr Casey : "Let me off at Milltown,® Conductor : "We don't stop; this is i through train." Mr Casey : "Thin, playse, sor, will ye sthop long enough for rne to tell Bridge that it's carried through I am." An Irishman having accidentally koto a paue of glasa in a wmdovi vm makmj the best of his way out of sight; kt unfortunately for Pat, the proprietor stole a march on him ; and having seizev hfm by the collar, exclaimed : "You broke my window, fellow-, did you not:'' "To be sure, I did," said Pat; "and didn't you see me running horo for money to pay for it?" Mr 1 logan, after hammering onthedoor for five minutes : "Is is dead or alive r« are?" Mr Grogan, withiti ; "Nayther; 1'®,, shlapin'." . Among. the conditions of soh by nn Irish auctioneer wa^ the following: The highest bidder to be the purchaM, nnksa some gentlernan bids more." "How old was the wail that M on me?" said the' Irishman to the policeman who was taking him in t-he ambulance to the hospital. "Oh, I should "say about eight? yeaifl answefed the policeman. "Just my luck," said Pat. "Ionly ar* rived yesterday, and it waiteti all f'a time for me." Mrs Dooley asked a druggist Ihe otiier day if he had any soap. "Yes, ma' am," he replied- '^° y° want it scented or unscented.' Mrs Dooley: "Wi.ll, bein' it's so m i I guess l'll take it along with me- | "How will you have. your eggs f00^' asked the waiter. "Make any difference in the cos ■ j quired Branigan, cautiously. ^ | "No," "Then cook 'em with i slice o' ham, if you plaise. AN UNSPEAKABLE 0UT^'F" "You don't know what tortnre > j Brown to Smith. . . J • "What is it then?" asked, snsffer| "I suffered it yesterday, ^tlf Brown, "when the barber had 111 ,f]iin J full of *lather and I sat there ^ J the shop boy giving nay uffl ie ' other customer!" SLOW TRAVELLIN0, - ■ Schoolmaster : "Why are Patrick?" orr." • Patrick : " Tis me new boots, ^ on# "New boots don't necessaruy late," said the master. ,, r f0rgd W "Well, you see, sorr, mothe cut the string."