SHORT STORIES.

Digger (Invercargill RSA), Issue 24, 27 August 1920, Page 16

SHORT STORIES.

HIGHLY PROBABLE. Teacher : "What was the first thing that Henry III, did 011 coming to the Throne?", Bright Pupil (not versed on the subject) : "Sat down on it." VERBOTEN. "Molly, I trust you are not teaching the parrot to use bad language." "Oh, lio ; Peggy! I was just telTIng him a few things he mustn't say. " THRIFT. Two highway tramps, wlio wero Scots, stole a hen, and one talked of wringing its neck, but the other said : "No' the noo, let her he till the morn's morning. She miclit lay an cgg. " THE BOBBY'S JOKE. "You ar,e working too hard my friend," said a policeman to a tramp who was drilling a hole in a safe at two o'clock in the morning. "What's that?" asked the tramp. "I say you rieed arrest," replied the po-liceman. SEEKING A SENTENCE. "Your worship, I wish vou'd put me on prohation," I "How long did I sentence you for?" "One year. But I want to get married?" "You wish me to substitute for a sentence of one year a sentence for life ?" HE KNOWS IT. A gentleman, who had rather a prominent nose, was dining with some friends, when, in the midst of their joviality, a fiy alighted on the aforesaid nose. The gentleman at the lower end of the table informed the owner, who replied : j "Please, knock it off ; you are nearer to it tban I." "WHAT'LL YOU PIAVE. F orce of habit is often a dangerous thing. A newly-wedded liusband, who in his bachelor days had been "One of the boys," recently went shopping with his wife. One of the first shops they entered was a glass and china emporium. As the young lady assistant came forward to attend to their wants the husband thrust his hand into his poc-ket and turning to his wife, said, "What'll you h.ave?"

NO THING DOING. "Eader," said little Ikey, "de water is comin' in at de toe of my boot." "Vell, vat you want? Make a hole at de heel and de water vill run out again. " STILL FOLLOWING. "Could you do something Jpr a poor old sailor?" asked the seedy-looking wanderer at the gate. "Poor old sailor?" echoed the lady at work at the tub. "Yes'm, I follered the wotter for sixteen years." "Well," said the woman, after a critical look, "you certainly don't look as if you ever caught up with it." Then she resumed her labours. — "The New Majority." WHO, INDEED? All through his long illness his bett-er half had heen his devoted nurse. Often he had wakened in the silence of the night to find her sitting by his bedside with soothing draughts and gentle sympathy. Now he was well on the way to recovery. "Mary, I shali newer forget it, ' he told her. "Your sweetness to me through this trying time shall always be like a golden comer in my memory. W7hy did you do it ?" He paused dramatically, hoping to liear a whispered confession that lier love was the great motive. Instead, she replied calmly : "Well, John, who wants a widow with four children?"