Passing Notes.

Digger (Invercargill RSA), Issue 21, 6 August 1920, Page 6

Passing Notes.

BY JACQUES.

Z * * * * Lau gh where we must, be candid where we can.— .p0p9 *

Everybody has at time wished to hadn't Kiid it, or had said it differently. Recently the Invercargill Orphans visited the local gaol and entertained the inmates with a coneert. It was kindly meant, of course, but one can imagine the feelings of the assembled prisoners when the visitors opened the proceedings with the ode, or hymn, or chorus, or whatever it is : "Broth^s all, accept our greeting; We are" glad to see you here," It was hard to tell which were most embarrassed, the prisoners, or the Orphans, when they realised their gaucherie. Secretary O'Byrne is evidently Vegarded by certain members of his unions as something in the nature of a savage dog, to be let off the chain now and then for worrying purposes. One of these recently clinched an altercation with his employer with the blood-curdling threat : "If you don't shut up I'll sool O'Byrne on to you." The employer trembled— and "shut up." The discussion on the Samoan question provoked some strange revelations and rather ugly charges. It was stated that of twenty-seven remits sent forward by the Samoan people, through their chiefs, to the conference with the Parliamentary party, the most important — that expressing the Islanders' objection to indentured labour — had met the fate of Bo-Peep's muttons, and could not be found. "And," said the member for Grey Lynn, "I mahe this deliberate charge, the Samoan chiefs were got at, and deliberately prevented from giving an expression of opinion on that particular question." "Got at!" By whom ? It is a pity that Mr Bartram was not a little more explicit; but the natural inference is that his charges had reference to one, or some, of the Parliamentary party, who were in collusion with those in Samoa who were most interested in getting bargains in brawn. j The charge was a serious one, and it is ■ strange that it met with no rebuttal — unless, indeed, we assume the Parliamentarians' silence was based on the prudent principle that he who excuses, accuses himself. Anywav, it looks as though there was something that badly wanted washing up before we were definitely and finally eommitted to. a system to which the Samoans are violently opposed, and which cannot' be approved by anvone having any knowledge of the working of the indentured labour system, and who values the fair name of New Zealand more than the Samoan planters' pounds, shillinga, and pence. KINGS AND PRINCES I HAYE MET. JOHN STEAD THE G-REAT, O.B.E., A.B.C., D.E.F., G.H.I., Etc., Etc. Family Motto : Stead-fast Unto the Last. It was in my official capacity as delegate from the "Stiggins Society of Snufflers and Spoilsports" that .I sought audience of this great monarch, than whose illustrious name no brighter adorns the splendid scroll of history. I found him — like that other king of whom the late Mr Shakespeare wrote — "in the perfumed chambers of the Great. . . . With all appliances and means to boot"— er — his subjects. I must confess that my first feeling on beholding him was one of mingled surprise and disappointment, since I had expected, from his fame and surname, to see one of more than ordinary stature. Still, what he lacked in inches and avoirdupois wras more than compensated for by his grave courtesy, impressive dignity, and chest expansion — to say nothing of the long-tailed coat he invariahly wears. He received me with gracious condescension and barde me state ' iuy business. I explained the airns and objects of the S.S.S.S.— which were, briefly, to suppress Sunday band concerts and all fornis of sport and sinful pleasure; to make smiling a misdemeanour and laughter a crime, and generally to fit

people for the next life hy makhg ti not worth living, and that I delegated to solicit his kind 0ffice.s ' ? furtherance of those aims. He Wag ^ sympathetic as I h^d hoped, saym!!* he could not see his way clear to to our request, sinee he was not yetTj vinced that the things I had e.n.me^j were actually and intrinsically wicy ] Personally, he was favourably in^l wards sport and games, especially ti j like hopscotch and skippbg— which not only healthful and amushg, ^ served to promote trade— in boots— anj | encourage industry— in half-soling, j, fact he had for some time had- in Cot> ' sideration the matter of donating a niJ roughly concreted hopscotch and skippJ ground for the benefit of the city childreJ and had only been withheld irom doing so by his uncertainty as to the effect that such action would have on his popuhn'ij among the parents. I was much crestfallen at the\^j my mission, which perceiving, kindly endea^iured to cheer me up ^ engaging me" in conversation on othtj matters, indulging, inter alia, in seui very interesting personal reminiscmeij Among other things, he assured nw|U he had delivered no less than J| speeches within the last three years, large proportion of them to departinj^ returning soldiers, and practically all (ij patriotic matters. When I expressed my astonishment tlffl one small head could carry sufficient ma- ' terial for such an amount of oratory, lii ■ left eyelid quivered — I will not say wiiiiefl — as he confided to me his formnJs-l which, after all, was simplicrty i tsell. /t j seems that one has merely to taie cer-m tain well-known and popular phrases, such as "Our far-flung Empire," "Out doh-- 1 ous flag," "Boys of the bulldog bieedjfl "Our Imperial heritage," "King and i County," "Imperishable loyalty," "Isa- 9 tional Honour," "Crimson thread of kin-l ship," "The Motherland," "Lion and itifl whelps," "Bonds that bind the Empire," ] etc., etc., and tac k them togethcr with • | any old words — "and there you are." Just as with a few pieces of coloured glass,- he ; explained, one. can get in the kaleidoscope an infinitude of different patterns, so, by the skilful transposition of the : foregoing phrases, one can fraroe a prac- 1 tically limitless series of speeches. With J these he was always prepared for any occasion or audience, but his pieferenc« was to address departing soldiers— part/f, | he explained, to make them resipw | leaving home, and pai*tly to pwwh ® them a fierce 'fighting spirit, suchas^'i bagpipes are said to excite in Scotchm®. 1 That he was eminently successful in to | latter object was strikingly shown on oM , occasion in particular, when after aua ■, dress by his Majesty of one hour and , forty minutes' duration one harasscd-ij j ing and haggard khaki clad warrior waa | heard to exclaim desperately: By I '.J Lord, but we'll make that Fritz 1 up for this." "So you see," beamedhW Majesty, "I thus really helped to ^ , the war." But, alas ! life has not ken gkittles and , I mean, croquet an J coffee, even to him. He has, an s has, his troubles. For instance, the that wears the crown has often been ® | uneasy by the insolent and arrogan | position of certain of the Barons 0 j Council. He cited one or two cases, i ahly that of the gold chain. I Labour party, who are always ^ ing against chains, his Majesty has ing for such things— or. at gold chain that would serve to him from ordinary people, but w | matter came before the Grand ® ^ | was vehemently- rejected, one f ^ (Baron Honesjohn) sphntenng ■ ; by way of emphasis to his *■ h,| that he would be (something, ^ e?e, ^ would sanction the extravaganc a rolled-gold one. His Majes y a ^ ly affected by the ref ^ molBent, H another subject enteruig » » A«H seized the opportunity to wi ^ ^ left the chamber I thoug s^ni 1 address some rather strange >j 0i succeesor, such as "Ha „a]i work' finish," "durable materia^ , manship guaranteed," ^ etc. But it may have been ! after all.