SHORT STORIES.

Digger (Invercargill RSA), Issue 20, 30 July 1920, Page 16

SHORT STORIES.

THEY AGREED TO DIFFER. Mrs Exe. — "So you and your husband have separated because of a misunderstanding?" Mrs Wye. — "Not at all, my dear. We parted because we understood each other only too well." EXC1TEMENT. Husband (cEeerily). — "W.ell, love, have you had a pleasant day?" Wife. — "Oh, splendid ! After I dressed the children and got them off, washed the dishes. and made some pies, cleared away thc luncheon table and answered some letters, I still had time enough left to darn my stockings." FREDDIE'S EXAMINATTON PAPER. "The pople who live in thee uninhabited portions of the earth are mostly cannibals. "Geometry is that branch of mathematics that deals with angels. "Longfellow was a full-blooded American poet. He wrote 'The Salmon of Life.' "The pilgnims came to America so that they might persecute their religion in peace. "Electricity is a current of very strong stulf. "Sir Isaac Newton invented gravitation out of an apple. "An rxiom is something that is always so, e.ven if it isn't so. " PATRICK ON THE LEFT HAND. Pat, who was left-handed was hcing sworn in as a witness in the Court of Denver. "Hold up your right hand," said the judge. Up went Pat's left hand. "Hold up your right hand," commanded the judge, sternly. "Sure and I am, yer honour," declared Pat. "Me right hand's on me left-hand side." NOT IN IT WITH GRANDMA. The grandfather of a boy of six or seven years is a man of a great deal of prominence in the world of letters and affairs. A lady calling at the home of this distinguished gentleman was being entertained for a few minutes by the little grandson, and the caller said : "You ought to be very proud of your grandfather. You know that he is a great man." "Huh!" said the boy. "If you think that "my grandfather is a great man, you just ought to know my grandm other ! "

SLIGHTLY MIXED. Two American negro soldiers were discussing musical instruments. "Yar," said one, "I'se gwine ter git me a eucalyptis." "A what?" queried the other. ,,"A eucalyptis — dat's a musical instrument, fool." "Go, on, qigger! You can't kid me — dat's one of de hooks ob de Bible." JUST MOIST. Donald. — "D'ye ken Mac fell in the river on his way home, lflst nicht?" Willie. — "Ye dinna mean tae say he was drooned?" Donald. — "Not drooned, but sadly diluted." . "It was a moment of intense excitement," Solly Dirtyberg declared. "There vas I — in the biggest showroom at the Big Store — ven, vithout vord of varin' the whole cf the electric light goes out; the whole place is as black at Sheol!" "Und vot did you get?" asked Shikkerstein, eagerly. "Accha Nebbish! groaned Dirtyberg. "I vas in der grand pianner department."